Also, proclaiming that you're hotter than ever at, say, 40 is still just delaying the inevitable because nobody gets hotter forever. At some point, you're gonna be on the physical decline. And then what?
I think a lot of women (or more specifically, progressive women) feel guilty about what they're truly interested in. Take the perpetual wars over the relative unpopularity of women's sports (though women's NCAA basketball seems to be doing great right now, even better than the NBA lol). It's not as if women lack the financial or cultural power to make women's sports hugely popular and profitable if they truly wanted to.
But most women would rather devote that energy to something like fashion and beauty since that's where true feminine prestige and status are earned, much like how male status is derived from athletics. So the anger (and guilt) is shifted to men, on why men aren't watching more women's sports; because the truth, that most women would rather be hot/pretty/stylish than athletic, makes those women feel bad about the gulf between what they profess to be their ideals and what they truly value.
The unpopularity of women’s sports has to do more with it generally being ersatz versions of the men’s sports that subsidize them more often than not. Where you really get to see women shine is in tennis and soccer/football because there are intangibles to watching any sport and the ferocity of a Serena or the hard nose playing team USA are unmatched when watching their male peers
Women don’t want to watch other women play basketball because who wants to watch a 6’3” Lithuanian broad get fed a bounce pass, only to miss a layup, all the while men’s basketball exists? When the sport is defined more so by physicality and athleticism, men’s sports are generally more fun to spectate. The biggest interest in women’s sports has been generated by the exclusion of trans athletes and that’s mostly just been unscientific reactionary bigotry hidden behind terms like bone density, so phobes can pat themselves on the back for coming in to save women, yet again, only to go back to ignoring their sporting efforts
I think professional women’s sports should exist but I won’t blame women for not missing out on watching the skill and capability equivalent of a middle school boys team on display. It’s not a question of feminism, it’s one of pragmatism
Great article! That's why i don't fw modern feminism anymore because it's all turned into this. You not only can't say the truth about how things are but you can't even think it. Girlbossing and traditional beauty standards will save your soul, but you can't just only keep up appearances now (to get partners/power). You have internalize that it's good and moral and healthy, believe it and live it, pretending that it's your and only your choice alone. Even if ppl try to abstain try can't truly escape, and definitely not without giving things up. It was always destined to turn into this, and why body positivity/neutrality will never succeed, unless we get rid of all human desire for power/attractive partners or completely overhaul what these concepts mean to humans on a fundamental level, none of us will ever be truly free.
I don’t think you’re an asshole or even wrote anything assy, but when you call a phony a phony, it’s going to be natural for them to recoil in their wafty vapors of fraudulence and project
You laid bare the stakes of a game some people want to pretend not to be playing. Because admitting that they are playing the game goes against the online image or identity they are curating in an effort to not be alone. If you’re a woman of a certain presence of mind, then at some point the idea that solidarity with other women and commiserating in that experience maybe takes shape through some 3rd or 4th wave feminism lense. But as a woman, who also may want a partner, you still have to do all the things that attract the kinds of people you are also attracted to. Those two groups, who you want to belong to as a tribe, and who you want to recreate Partition with, online at least, may be at odds and that requires some disingenuous equivocations.
In addition to the world-without-men-asexual-reproduction hypothetical, there's also the don't-read-twitter-and-other-weirdo-forum-comments hypothetical. If you never, ever read them, and had never read them in your life, how would that change your views on this subject? The advantage being, the second hypothetical is completely achievable.
You’re doing God’s work, thank you for writing this article. Coincidentally, I decided to avoid mirrors and any beauty-related activities for a week. Basically co-opting my boyfriend’s getting ready routine. And you know what? Not being preoccupied with your appearance all day frees up a lot of brain power! Turns out not self-observing all the time is actually amazing, 10/10 experience!!!!
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be hot (and enjoy the benefits that come with it). But would I want to be hot if I lived on a deserted island? NO!!! I would not care!
A fun article. I do think women vary in how much they dress up for men vs. women, though, but I think it's worth pointing out that there's nothing wrong in trying to be attractive.
Also, I sort of doubt you don't at least subconsciously value hotness in friends!
I love the cartoon version of the same two outfits: the imagined version of clothing, in contrast to the awkward reality of that very same outfit. I swear that this mistake has happened to me many times; somehow I think the baggy slogan tee will look demure and sophisticated, a la Gloria Steinem, yet ultimately I end up looking like I accidentally wore some ill fitting pajamas out of the house. I think that it’s true that people dress for others, because we’re social creatures. At the same time, I think there’s a lot of women who really just enjoy the beauty, creativity, and bonding that comes with enjoying clothes or makeup with their girlfriends. It’s complicated, because relationships are complicated. To me it seems important not to pass judgement on strangers, because you never know what they’ve been through. I avoid social media at all costs, because I tend to shy away from the first sign of conflict. I certainly do value empathy, intellect, and humor more than appearances. Your cartoons have all those qualities in spades, plus they’re pretty to look at! Thanks for making me smile at your drawings.
Thank you honest and personal take on this. I will add that being hot and attractive is a form of social power. And people, no matter whether men or women like to feel powerful. It is not that it is only about being attractive to the opposite sex that makes you feel this, it is being more attractive than most of your own sex that is so alluring. Of course, not everyone has to be hot, there are many more things that people can celebrate and enjoy with each other but if one wants the benefits that come from attractiveness, upgrading the looks might be a good idea.
Also, proclaiming that you're hotter than ever at, say, 40 is still just delaying the inevitable because nobody gets hotter forever. At some point, you're gonna be on the physical decline. And then what?
I think a lot of women (or more specifically, progressive women) feel guilty about what they're truly interested in. Take the perpetual wars over the relative unpopularity of women's sports (though women's NCAA basketball seems to be doing great right now, even better than the NBA lol). It's not as if women lack the financial or cultural power to make women's sports hugely popular and profitable if they truly wanted to.
But most women would rather devote that energy to something like fashion and beauty since that's where true feminine prestige and status are earned, much like how male status is derived from athletics. So the anger (and guilt) is shifted to men, on why men aren't watching more women's sports; because the truth, that most women would rather be hot/pretty/stylish than athletic, makes those women feel bad about the gulf between what they profess to be their ideals and what they truly value.
Counter fact!
The unpopularity of women’s sports has to do more with it generally being ersatz versions of the men’s sports that subsidize them more often than not. Where you really get to see women shine is in tennis and soccer/football because there are intangibles to watching any sport and the ferocity of a Serena or the hard nose playing team USA are unmatched when watching their male peers
Women don’t want to watch other women play basketball because who wants to watch a 6’3” Lithuanian broad get fed a bounce pass, only to miss a layup, all the while men’s basketball exists? When the sport is defined more so by physicality and athleticism, men’s sports are generally more fun to spectate. The biggest interest in women’s sports has been generated by the exclusion of trans athletes and that’s mostly just been unscientific reactionary bigotry hidden behind terms like bone density, so phobes can pat themselves on the back for coming in to save women, yet again, only to go back to ignoring their sporting efforts
I think professional women’s sports should exist but I won’t blame women for not missing out on watching the skill and capability equivalent of a middle school boys team on display. It’s not a question of feminism, it’s one of pragmatism
Great article! That's why i don't fw modern feminism anymore because it's all turned into this. You not only can't say the truth about how things are but you can't even think it. Girlbossing and traditional beauty standards will save your soul, but you can't just only keep up appearances now (to get partners/power). You have internalize that it's good and moral and healthy, believe it and live it, pretending that it's your and only your choice alone. Even if ppl try to abstain try can't truly escape, and definitely not without giving things up. It was always destined to turn into this, and why body positivity/neutrality will never succeed, unless we get rid of all human desire for power/attractive partners or completely overhaul what these concepts mean to humans on a fundamental level, none of us will ever be truly free.
I don’t think you’re an asshole or even wrote anything assy, but when you call a phony a phony, it’s going to be natural for them to recoil in their wafty vapors of fraudulence and project
You laid bare the stakes of a game some people want to pretend not to be playing. Because admitting that they are playing the game goes against the online image or identity they are curating in an effort to not be alone. If you’re a woman of a certain presence of mind, then at some point the idea that solidarity with other women and commiserating in that experience maybe takes shape through some 3rd or 4th wave feminism lense. But as a woman, who also may want a partner, you still have to do all the things that attract the kinds of people you are also attracted to. Those two groups, who you want to belong to as a tribe, and who you want to recreate Partition with, online at least, may be at odds and that requires some disingenuous equivocations.
TRUTH!
In addition to the world-without-men-asexual-reproduction hypothetical, there's also the don't-read-twitter-and-other-weirdo-forum-comments hypothetical. If you never, ever read them, and had never read them in your life, how would that change your views on this subject? The advantage being, the second hypothetical is completely achievable.
You’re doing God’s work, thank you for writing this article. Coincidentally, I decided to avoid mirrors and any beauty-related activities for a week. Basically co-opting my boyfriend’s getting ready routine. And you know what? Not being preoccupied with your appearance all day frees up a lot of brain power! Turns out not self-observing all the time is actually amazing, 10/10 experience!!!!
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be hot (and enjoy the benefits that come with it). But would I want to be hot if I lived on a deserted island? NO!!! I would not care!
A fun article. I do think women vary in how much they dress up for men vs. women, though, but I think it's worth pointing out that there's nothing wrong in trying to be attractive.
Also, I sort of doubt you don't at least subconsciously value hotness in friends!
I love the cartoon version of the same two outfits: the imagined version of clothing, in contrast to the awkward reality of that very same outfit. I swear that this mistake has happened to me many times; somehow I think the baggy slogan tee will look demure and sophisticated, a la Gloria Steinem, yet ultimately I end up looking like I accidentally wore some ill fitting pajamas out of the house. I think that it’s true that people dress for others, because we’re social creatures. At the same time, I think there’s a lot of women who really just enjoy the beauty, creativity, and bonding that comes with enjoying clothes or makeup with their girlfriends. It’s complicated, because relationships are complicated. To me it seems important not to pass judgement on strangers, because you never know what they’ve been through. I avoid social media at all costs, because I tend to shy away from the first sign of conflict. I certainly do value empathy, intellect, and humor more than appearances. Your cartoons have all those qualities in spades, plus they’re pretty to look at! Thanks for making me smile at your drawings.
Thank you honest and personal take on this. I will add that being hot and attractive is a form of social power. And people, no matter whether men or women like to feel powerful. It is not that it is only about being attractive to the opposite sex that makes you feel this, it is being more attractive than most of your own sex that is so alluring. Of course, not everyone has to be hot, there are many more things that people can celebrate and enjoy with each other but if one wants the benefits that come from attractiveness, upgrading the looks might be a good idea.