Presenting: CHH ZoomerZone!

My new approach for amplifying the youngest--and most GOATED--voices.

Hello young people! I wanted to draw attention to something that happened a few months ago. I released a reader survey, and I saw that a proportion (not gonna say how big. It’s giving “nonzero amount”) of my followers are part of the COOLEST generation of all time—Gen Z. So I’m gonna take the Gen W and announce that there’s a new, hip place for these youngsters to hang out.

Not me releasing a new chat channel!! Presenting CHH ZoomerZone, a new channel where Gen Z trendsetters can talk about all their favorite topics—from Labubus to Skibidi Toilet. No CHOPPED UNCS allowed!

And given that I’m too chopped of an unc to possibly moderate such a place, I hired a Zoomer Correspondent, Aiden Wozniak, who at the age of 30.5, is totally plugged into the zeitgeist of the zoomers—no cap! Now, I’ll hand the mic over to Aiden. Take it away, Aiden!

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ZoomerZone is gonna be lit, y’all. It’ll be the perfect place for zoomers to talk about being zoomers—without all those cheugy Karens and opps getting in the way. This chat has so much rizz, it’s gonna eat and leave no crumbs! Bet.

But more importantly, ZoomerZone is gonna be a break from all that brain rot and cortisol spiking on TikTok. We’re gonna talk about real issues—climate collapse, late stage capitalism, whether or not disabled people deserve to live (aka, whether or not DoorDash should be free for people with ADHD) and of course, Sabrina Carpenter’s insidious autopedophilia. Don’t forget our Fashion Fridays, where we’re all gonna be looking SNATCHED and serving cunt. You’ll be catching feels for ZoomerZone in no time.

It’s my hope that ZoomerZone will help guide my fellow young people in a positive direction without any of that busted, cringe millennial scolding. For example, we have a fancam of AOC set to K-Pop music with some bussin’ captions about why you should say no to vaping.

Now, you might be asking: what about keeping ZoomerZone safe? After all, we have to make sure that there aren’t any twenty-nine-year-olds attempting to groom minors (twenty-four-year-olds) in ZoomerZone. So we’ve created two tiers: ZoomerZone and ZoomerZone Silver, for elder zoomers (over 25) who may pose a threat to more vulnerable ones. For those of you who find any social interaction unsafe, enjoy our subchannel, ZoomerZoneZero, where you can just chill out by yourself and not talk to anyone—which is highkey valid!

More deets to come—see you on the flip side over at ZoomerZone!

(Happy April Fool’s Day!)

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