19 Comments
User's avatar
Brendan's avatar

Unc-coded foolmaxxing

Arif's avatar

Holy unc, this article is insane levels of jestermaxxing.

Arif's avatar
3hEdited

Not enough usage of the word ‘Rizz’ and not enough ‘6 7’ references. This is millennial propaganda, don’t fall for it Zoomer Bros. Still waiting on that article about Mogging too.

Tom's avatar

I was told at work that "rizz" is over and saying it made me look uncool :(

FlakManiak's avatar

I'm pretty sure that 6 7 is a gen α thing.

The Cultural Romantic's avatar

This close to unsubscribing when I saw references to late stage capitalism. well played chh, flirting with fire, but well played.

Petar's avatar

Asking my barber to give me the broccoli and heading over to the ZoomerZone right after. I will never get old!

Almond Joelle's avatar

Not gonna lie I was a little sad that I, a 26 year old, wouldn’t even get to be in the same zoomer zone as my 25 year old friend who I introduced to CHH

Gordon P's avatar

This is what I pay for

Ben Supnik's avatar

TIL I learned what "chopped unc" means (cuz I looked it up) and that it's not actually positive.

Nutmeg2020's avatar

My first thought when reading was 30.5 seems to be old for a zoomer, then I saw the dreadful words ‘late-stage capitalism’ and I felt myself getting twitchy. Luckily I made myself read towards the end, well played CHH!

Nutmeg2020's avatar

True, true. My brain was just stuck on a 30 year old talking like my 17 year old daughter and was having horrid second hand embarrassment for them-lol. I feel if I had had my coffee and realized it was April first I would have picked up on the satire immediately!

Chase Brunton's avatar

That’s actually the oldest zoomers lol. I’m a young millennial at 34. Generational cutoffs are pretty ridiculous overall 😆

awesomizer's avatar

With the right mindset, *everywhere* is ZoomerZoneZero!

John Bragg's avatar

I was so relieved by the last line

Colin Chaudhuri's avatar

Given you're clearly Matt Yglesias in disguise (has CCH and Matt ever been the same room? I spell conspiracy!), I actually bought this for a moment that you had a new intern like Halina Benet or Ben Kraus or Milan Singh.

But couple clues that could have helped; if this is a guy, not enough references to prop bets on FanDuel or crypto investments. Got have the not so subtle inference of financial calamity about to reign down.

Otherwise, 10/10...again you got me for a moment!

Untrickled by Michelle Teheux's avatar

I’m impressed that you knew that lingo.

I feel oddly the way I feel when I try to read something in Dutch — I kinda get it but there are a lot of words I need to look up!