I've Been Personally Victimized by MAGA Taylor Swift

No, it's not normal to write about being in "love" with a "man." This is terrifying.

She literally wore red. If you weren’t freaking out then, you weren’t paying attention.

As if this clusterfuckable dumbledick hogweed year wasn’t bad enough, we all have something new about which to grieve: Taylor Swift’s devastating and unmistakable turn to MAGA.

Now, before you get mad at me, I am not saying that Taylor Swift has morphed into a far-right, woman-hating, white supremacist Nazi. I’m saying she’s all of those things and she’s something even worse—a tradwife.

Many of you can probably relate to the immense sadness I feel right now. I have had to hold space for this devastation over Taylor Swift’s betrayal as I can physically feel my body keeping the score. I have had to adopt two new emotional support animals, and to add insult to injury, I am being told they are not welcome in my local Whole Foods. Taylor Swift has created generational trauma—first me, and now my emotional support Komodo dragon Oliver, who is now stuck at home with my parents all day, I mean my roommates.

The thing about Taylor Swift, as many have pointed out, is that she is an upper class white woman who claims to be “liberal.” The only way such a woman can interact with men and keep her liberal badge is by claiming not to like them. Don’t worry, she can still date them anyway, but she has to pretend she hates them.

Alternatively, she can enjoy men in one particular way—getting divorced, traveling the world and fucking the equivalent of a himbo rendition of “It’s a Small World After All,” then summarily writing a confessional essay in The Cut about how she learned from the experience. She can still have long hair and makeup and pretty clothes like Taylor Swift, but it’s imperative that she insist she’s either not thinking about men or actively trying to scare them off in the least effective way possible.

If she does slip up and admit to being in love with a man, at the very least she needs to add a bunch of caveats about how she hates all other men. Taylor Swift failed to do that. She fawned over her fiance—centered him, even, held tremendous space for his body, without even once acknowledging that other men are bad. I know this sounds shocking, but I checked her entire album and not once did she mention Trump, toxic masculinity, and the rising tide of fascism. There were quite literally zero mentions of condemning Nick Fuentes or Andrew Tate. She also talked about wanting to have Travis Kelce’s children—lots of them, by the way (SQUARK! I’m the Fascism Bird!) without even once talking about how abortion is an equally valid choice.

This is dangerous for young girls to listen to. What’s next—are we going to have a generation of young Democrat-voting women who want to get married and have children, a more accessible Democratic party that people want to join, and generations of more and more Democrat kids munching on gluten-free seaweed crisps? That should terrify you. If you care about the Democratic Party, you should care about us being as inaccessible and unpleasant as possible. And that’s another thing—some people have told me that Taylor Swift isn’t just pretending to be a Democrat, she actually is one, because she endorsed Kamala Harris. But guess what? That means nothing. You are MAGA until proven otherwise, that’s the rule. In a best case scenario, Taylor Swift is submitting a write-in ballot for Tom Cotton.

Some of you might wonder why I’m “only noticing now” that Taylor Swift likes men. After all, hasn’t she written love songs about men before, with nary a hint of self-aware reflection on the fact that she is complicit in a white supremacist patriarchal society? Well, honestly, I just kind of assumed that all her songs until now were Qanon-style drops in numerical code that were going to lead me to a lost alien civilization in California. Now that I realize they were literal, I feel sick to my stomach.

The media will try and manufacture consent about Taylor Swift’s album, insisting that it’s “normal” for a woman to write love songs. But that shit is NOT NORMAL. It’s 2025, people! We expected better of Taylor Swift, who has made it abundantly clear over the past ten years with transgressive and edgy songs like You Belong with Me, that she is a counter-cultural far-left revolutionary and queer activist. It’s horrifying to learn that this carefully calculated image was a lie.

Speaking of carefully calculated images, let me alert you all to something: Taylor Swift is a billionaire. She’s obviously a very shrewd and smart businesswoman girlboss (you see, my hatred of white women girlbosses should NOT be confused with hatred of white women girlbosses coming from right-wing men, I insist this is NOT the same thing.) What would be the smartest business decision for such a girlboss who knows she has a dedicated worldwide fanbase full of mostly liberal women? A full MAGA Nazi transformation, of course.

Some of Taylor Swift’s deranged fans will tell me I should be happy for her that she is making her dreams of marriage and children a reality. Of course, I support women’s choice to reproduce if they feel like it, but she’s got it all wrong. She simply cannot fantasize about it, let alone so openly. She has to do the decent liberal thing—talk about how she’s terrified to bring children into a world facing the rising threats of AI, climate change and fascism, then have them anyway and continue to talk about how guilty she feels before performatively claiming to be looking into Canadian or Swedish citizenship.

Of course I’m disappointed. I’m angry, I’m hurt, I’m wounded. Taylor Swift has betrayed women everywhere with her humiliating tradwife pivot. I can’t believe we live in a world where a thirty-five-year-old career woman can find a hot husband and be happy while continuing to work. This wasn’t what I signed up for, and if you’re a self-respecting feminist, you didn’t sign up for it either. In the words of the great Tyra Banks, I was rooting for you, Taylor. We were ALL ROOTING FOR YOU.

Update: I am being told now that Tyra Banks is deeply problematic, given that she donned a fat suit for her talk show, and put a bunch of LGBTQ people in a focus group called “Gay Kingdom” where they had to vote out the least gay member. This just proves that the trad MAGA conspiracy goes much deeper than one might expect.

The Problem With Being A Straight Woman is You Have To Like Men