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Ben Supnik's avatar

"And also I'm a man I don't need to speak to anyone" makes me *crazy*.

It makes me crazy because a decade ago I thought exactly the same thing, and I now know that I was deluding myself.

Massively off topic rant, but (having read way more comments on these kinds of gender arguments about mental load, husband/wife dynamics, etc.) there's a kind of an argument I hear over and over that goes something like:

"Us men, we are simple creatures. We need only a few things. We just need to eat, sleep, exercise a bit and have sex, and our lives are in balance. We like the things we like, and we are annoyed at the things we don't like and that's the alpha and omega. All of this 'feelings stuff', that's for women, but not men."

And it's...total bullshit. We (men) can *tell* ourselves over and over that we're like this and if we do it enough, we'll start to see the world through this lens.

This is how you get a husband who is resentful about the way his wife talks about him about how he's "not a good husband" and needs to step up. He tells himself he's angry because she's being bitchy and won't have sex with him, when really the issue is he feels sad and overwhelmed because someone he loves is attacking him, and he feels lonely and disconnected because sex was the only way he gave himself to express that emotional connection. That incredibly narrow framing of the problem gives him no tools to understand what his wife is saying and really no tools to understand how it affects him. The anger is externalizing so he goes "maybe she should change".

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GuyInPlace's avatar

If the "my kid's school taught her about how to have sex" on their first day was true, she probably would have led with that. If your friend had a bad first date and the first thing they mentioned to you later was that the date was rude to the staff at the restaurant, you would think that's probably the worst thing about the date. lf twenty minutes later they mentioned that the date killed a stray puppy, you would wonder why they didn't lead with that.

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