Single? CHH Personal Ads Are Coming!
Meeting the love of your life via Substack? Crazier things have happened.
I want to try something a bit new for this Substack. Perhaps once every two weeks or so, I’d like to put out a list of eligible singles describing themselves and the type of partner they want. You know, like the old personal ads that used to be in newspapers. Being featured in such an ad would be a perk for CHH paid subscribers only, although the personal ad issue itself would be visible to everyone. Note that I have over 24,000 subscribers total, so you’d be showing yourself off to a large audience! I will also be cross-posting to Twitter and Bluesky.
Because people have a tendency to sign up for a free trial to my Substack only to cancel after reading the one article they wanted to read (these people also have a very fun habit of repeatedly messaging me to ask how to cancel the free trial, or requesting refunds because I wrote one article about a topic they didn’t like after they forgot to cancel) being featured in the personals column will not be an option for people on a free trial. However, there’s good news! I’m doing a 40% off tariff-offset sale on annual subscriptions. Don’t upgrade only for the option to be in the personals column because there’s a decent chance you won’t be selected, but I have some pretty cool stuff coming up (including the men’s fashion survey results with
) so please consider it if you want to read cool content!Interested in being featured? Here are some things you should know:
This feature will be open to all genders and sexualities. Please specify your gender and the gender(s) in which you are interested.
You will not be selected based on your physical attractiveness. If you don’t get selected, it’s not a comment on your value as a partner. Quality and effort of your prompts will be influential in whether you are chosen or not, and your location might come into play too.
I can’t guarantee that the comments on such a personal ad will be positive. I will encourage people to be polite (and generally my subscribers are nice people) but if you are a very sensitive person who will be freaked out by people talking about you, this is probably not for you! Given that this will be linked on Twitter, you’ve been warned.
I also can’t guarantee that you won’t get obnoxious messages from people. Presumably, you run the same risk you do on a dating app.
I won’t be discriminating based on race or sexuality. If the personal ads wind up diverse—or not very diverse—it’s not intentional.
Now, the requirements!
Photo: Please submit at least one good quality photo of you that clearly shows your face, from within the past few years. It would be ideal if the photo also gave an idea of your body type but it doesn’t need to be full-body. 2-3 photos are okay too.
Intro: Include your first name, your general location (ie: Los Angeles, not “California”) and your age. Also include a way that people can get in touch with you, such as your email address or Twitter account.
Verify: Include a photo of you holding up a piece of paper that says “CHH personal ad.” This will not be featured in the personal ad, I just want to make sure you’re a real person.
Employment: Include what you do for a living. If you’re in between jobs that’s okay—you can mention being a student, or looking for work in a particular industry. Or if you're living off a very wealthy dead uncle, let us know!
Ideal partner: Specify things that are very important to you in a partner. What does your ideal partner look like, do, care about, etc? Make sure to specify the gender(s) to which you are attracted, and your ideal age range for a partner. Specify the type of relationship you want as well, for example, if you’re open to long distance, or if you prefer to spend lots of time together.
Values: Say a few things about your values- this can be political, religious, or even more general. For example, if I were filling this out, I’d mention how important it was for me to have children and to meet a guy who wanted kids.
What is your dream set-up? Fun little prompt. Assume no financial constraints—would you be traveling the world? Owning a farm with twenty horses? Or perhaps the most luxurious setup of all: buying a one-bedroom apartment in San Francisco.
Other things about you: This is where you can talk about your hobbies, your personality, your quirks, what you like to do with friends, stuff you enjoy about your life right now, and stuff you don’t enjoy as much. I want this to encourage people to be more vulnerable and not present cookie-cutter images of themselves, so feel free to be funny or weird if that’s who you are. If something in your life is a bit stressful, it’s okay to mention it.
Don’t write a novel or anything, but try to aim for a few sentences per bullet point as opposed to one-word answers. Anyone answering “idk” to anything will be disqualified.
You can submit everything to cartoonshateher@gmail.com. Note that I only use this email address for these types of prompts, or for work, so don’t expect a response if you email me there asking for advice or trying to have a conversation (if you want to talk to me, use the CHH Chat channel on Substack, or for the real OGs—aka Founding Members, the CHH Discord.)
Happy dating, everyone!
I'm still married to the person I met through the NPR Car Talk personals back in '98, when it was borderline embarrassing to admit you met your partner online. But turns out that what vehicle you would describe yourself as is a pretty good filter! I had some good dates too before meeting him. Getting to know someone over email worked well for me, as the ability to write decently means more to me than looks.
CHH, the “everything app.” When do we get a job board and payment services ?