"And also I'm a man I don't need to speak to anyone" makes me *crazy*.
It makes me crazy because a decade ago I thought exactly the same thing, and I now know that I was deluding myself.
Massively off topic rant, but (having read way more comments on these kinds of gender arguments about mental load, husband/wife dynamics, etc.) there's a kind of an argument I hear over and over that goes something like:
"Us men, we are simple creatures. We need only a few things. We just need to eat, sleep, exercise a bit and have sex, and our lives are in balance. We like the things we like, and we are annoyed at the things we don't like and that's the alpha and omega. All of this 'feelings stuff', that's for women, but not men."
And it's...total bullshit. We (men) can *tell* ourselves over and over that we're like this and if we do it enough, we'll start to see the world through this lens.
This is how you get a husband who is resentful about the way his wife talks about him about how he's "not a good husband" and needs to step up. He tells himself he's angry because she's being bitchy and won't have sex with him, when really the issue is he feels sad and overwhelmed because someone he loves is attacking him, and he feels lonely and disconnected because sex was the only way he gave himself to express that emotional connection. That incredibly narrow framing of the problem gives him no tools to understand what his wife is saying and really no tools to understand how it affects him. The anger is externalizing so he goes "maybe she should change".
I feel this totally. It's very sad to me that in early days of my marriage I had the most amazing relationship with the most amazing sex but couldn't fully enjoy it because of my lack of maturity & lack of ability to understand my own emotions.
If the "my kid's school taught her about how to have sex" on their first day was true, she probably would have led with that. If your friend had a bad first date and the first thing they mentioned to you later was that the date was rude to the staff at the restaurant, you would think that's probably the worst thing about the date. lf twenty minutes later they mentioned that the date killed a stray puppy, you would wonder why they didn't lead with that.
I had a similar thought which is that they picked the most objectionable possible framing;
“they taught her what sex is” = ok well they just taught all the boys what their wee wees do, and all the girls what their heinies do, I’m sure they’d compare notes and figure it out
“they taught her how to have sex” = ok kids take notes here’s how you put a condom on with your mouth
As someone who was a legit full-time SAHD for five or six years (with a couple bonus years tacked on by COVID), I can confirm that (1) it’s far from the hardest job on earth, (2) it’s often very hard, (3) some days can be infuriating, alienating, and depressing, (4) many days can be pleasantly relaxing and/or incredibly rewarding.
Honestly the real problem is the uniquely American need to one-up each other about how hard we work. Can’t we all just accept that (a) we all work hard and we all care about doing a good job, but (b) some jobs are very obviously harder than others?
What’s insane to me is that half the people saying they’re convinced Pedro Pascal is a predator look to be right wingers. I thought those guys were all about not rushing to ruin men’s reputations over allegations of sexual misconduct whenever actual allegations came up. Now they’re pre-cancelling a guy over future allegations lol.
They *are*, however, all about Protecting Our Precious Chyldrun and Vulnerable Young White Women (who might as well be children), and Pascal is Suspiciously Ethnic and has lots of people swooning over him.
Dollars to donuts the Venn diagram of “Pedro Pascal is sus” and “Al Franken did nothing wrong” has a lot of overlap, however, one guy is hot and middle-aged and the other one is older and not hot, so there you have it.
Very very very obviously just triggered by envy because women think he's hot and he's clearly a grown man who could kick your ass, yet also is comfortable playing with his feminine side and totally unconcerned about conforming to gender roles. That's all it is, it is breaking their brains for a guy to be masculine and attractive but not macho.
lol he’s just Latino , I grew up with some dudes like this, they can be annoying tbh but are not bully able like their white hipster counterparts usually are because there are much bigger sharks they grow up around
Lmao my first thought on the sex ed story was "AYFKM? A parent who actually wants MORE forms sent home to fill out? We are already drowning in them for shit like field trips!" and then it turns out she did get one but she ignored it because... Like all of us she's drowning in pointless forms sent home to fill out!
I'm surprised too! We do tend to receive the forms as PDFs but that just means needing to remember to print it out as well as sign it. Still have to send it in physically with them.
It’s horribly inefficient. Every single field trip form I have to fill in our insurance information and my sister-in-law’s phone number, in spite of the fact I’ve given them this information several times every year for over a decade. Drives me crazy that they can’t do it through the portal.
I wonder what the overlap is between dudes who say "I'm a man, I don't need to speak to anyone" and dudes who blame feminism for the "male loneliness epidemic."
Probably a great deal, but, as always, misguided. 50’s men weren’t “not lonely” because June and Donna were waiting at home, bedecked in pearls and holding martinis, but because they had a lot more friends and voluntary associations than most men do today. The Elks, the Odd fellows, the Masons, bowling leagues, golf buddies, etc. Or they - gasp - talked to their neighbors!
The “SAHD thing is easy” sounds like when I first started working from home. Not just 2 days but for around 6 months it was heavenly and easy and then the unique stresses that come with being wfh started. And have never stopped. Yes anything would seem like heaven if you suddenly didn’t have to commute in morning traffic. Just give it time.
Commute traffic is a special circle of hell, and having a long (> 30 minutes) commute is past the walls of Dis. Eliminating that is a major factor in eliminating stress, though, as you noted, everything comes with a tradeoff.
After years of WFH I almost wish that commuting was my biggest problem. The grass truly is greener on the other side.
I think now that I would enjoy a commute. It seems like a quiet mindless 30-50 mins routine between finishing work and being home is just the trick I need to dr-stress.
Now it’s like I have no excuse to leave the house at all. I just go from bedroom to home office to tv room. Over and over and over. I really have to push myself to go out into the real world - apart from my weekly grocery runs to the shops.
I'm a little surprised that that genital diagram hasn't attracted controversy for having such small labia minora. It's the current body image/dysmorphia issue.
Pedro Pascal is probably getting shit due to being incredibly over-hyped when he's such an average looking dude and giving off "male feminist here" vibes that the downfall of people like Neil Gaimen and Justin Trudeau have turned people off of.
And did the childcare dude just admit to sending his sick kids to school?
Whether or not Pascal is overrated, he IS omnipresent, and, as you said, popular. I think there is an element of hype backlash here. And “peeeedo” along with “groomer” is like the neutron bomb of accusations. “So and so is gay” doesn’t have the ZOMGNOOO punch it did 30 years ago.
The main thing that I think about Pedro Pascal is that when he's left to dress himself he regularly wears very ugly outfits. Are the ugly outfits combined with the mustache producing evil vibes? Who's to say.
You said “mustache,” and I know that Americans like to joke about the “pornstache,” and mustaches looking creepy. That and the ugly outfits might be giving a vibe. I still think it’s telling that what people jump to immediately is “he abuses children.” I suppose serial killers are so last decade?
My dad was an airline pilot and in retrospect I realized he and my mom had the ideal arrangement. When he was home for a few days, he did most of the work of caring for the kids, and then he’d leave for a few days to work. They both took me to soccer practice, both cooked dinner, both went to Little League etc. But sometimes my dad wasn’t there because of work and I never resented it. After all, work for him meant literally being thousands of miles away for a few days per week.
I've been oblivious to the timing and scheduling of things for my whole life. I get in a rhythm and completely forget holidays, birthdays(mine included), special occasions.....its a thing.
I say this because I completely spaced the day when we were going to learn about puberty in school. I was sick that day and stayed home, my mom thought i was avoiding it and then gave me the whole talk herself which was WAY more awkward as a 1 on 1. I would swap that experience for a fairly clinical school approach 10 out of 10 times. I can still feel my whole 5th grade body cringe hearing my sweet mom talking to me about breasts, hips, vaginas, and the rest of it. Looking back she did a pretty thorough job of it, but damn that was awkward.
We’ve raised an entire generation of young Andrea Dworkins. O Noez my child might learn the proper names for body parts! O NOEZ this foreign actor with an accent is a PEEEEDO!
Maybe I’m just deeply cynical having lived through the McMartin preschool witch trials and the Tipper Gore-induced moral panics around music and vidya games.
"And also I'm a man I don't need to speak to anyone" makes me *crazy*.
It makes me crazy because a decade ago I thought exactly the same thing, and I now know that I was deluding myself.
Massively off topic rant, but (having read way more comments on these kinds of gender arguments about mental load, husband/wife dynamics, etc.) there's a kind of an argument I hear over and over that goes something like:
"Us men, we are simple creatures. We need only a few things. We just need to eat, sleep, exercise a bit and have sex, and our lives are in balance. We like the things we like, and we are annoyed at the things we don't like and that's the alpha and omega. All of this 'feelings stuff', that's for women, but not men."
And it's...total bullshit. We (men) can *tell* ourselves over and over that we're like this and if we do it enough, we'll start to see the world through this lens.
This is how you get a husband who is resentful about the way his wife talks about him about how he's "not a good husband" and needs to step up. He tells himself he's angry because she's being bitchy and won't have sex with him, when really the issue is he feels sad and overwhelmed because someone he loves is attacking him, and he feels lonely and disconnected because sex was the only way he gave himself to express that emotional connection. That incredibly narrow framing of the problem gives him no tools to understand what his wife is saying and really no tools to understand how it affects him. The anger is externalizing so he goes "maybe she should change".
I feel this totally. It's very sad to me that in early days of my marriage I had the most amazing relationship with the most amazing sex but couldn't fully enjoy it because of my lack of maturity & lack of ability to understand my own emotions.
If the "my kid's school taught her about how to have sex" on their first day was true, she probably would have led with that. If your friend had a bad first date and the first thing they mentioned to you later was that the date was rude to the staff at the restaurant, you would think that's probably the worst thing about the date. lf twenty minutes later they mentioned that the date killed a stray puppy, you would wonder why they didn't lead with that.
I had a similar thought which is that they picked the most objectionable possible framing;
“they taught her what sex is” = ok well they just taught all the boys what their wee wees do, and all the girls what their heinies do, I’m sure they’d compare notes and figure it out
“they taught her how to have sex” = ok kids take notes here’s how you put a condom on with your mouth
As someone who was a legit full-time SAHD for five or six years (with a couple bonus years tacked on by COVID), I can confirm that (1) it’s far from the hardest job on earth, (2) it’s often very hard, (3) some days can be infuriating, alienating, and depressing, (4) many days can be pleasantly relaxing and/or incredibly rewarding.
Honestly the real problem is the uniquely American need to one-up each other about how hard we work. Can’t we all just accept that (a) we all work hard and we all care about doing a good job, but (b) some jobs are very obviously harder than others?
What’s insane to me is that half the people saying they’re convinced Pedro Pascal is a predator look to be right wingers. I thought those guys were all about not rushing to ruin men’s reputations over allegations of sexual misconduct whenever actual allegations came up. Now they’re pre-cancelling a guy over future allegations lol.
They *are*, however, all about Protecting Our Precious Chyldrun and Vulnerable Young White Women (who might as well be children), and Pascal is Suspiciously Ethnic and has lots of people swooning over him.
Dollars to donuts the Venn diagram of “Pedro Pascal is sus” and “Al Franken did nothing wrong” has a lot of overlap, however, one guy is hot and middle-aged and the other one is older and not hot, so there you have it.
Very very very obviously just triggered by envy because women think he's hot and he's clearly a grown man who could kick your ass, yet also is comfortable playing with his feminine side and totally unconcerned about conforming to gender roles. That's all it is, it is breaking their brains for a guy to be masculine and attractive but not macho.
lol he’s just Latino , I grew up with some dudes like this, they can be annoying tbh but are not bully able like their white hipster counterparts usually are because there are much bigger sharks they grow up around
Lmao my first thought on the sex ed story was "AYFKM? A parent who actually wants MORE forms sent home to fill out? We are already drowning in them for shit like field trips!" and then it turns out she did get one but she ignored it because... Like all of us she's drowning in pointless forms sent home to fill out!
As a non-parent I'm surprised this isn't all digital now.
I'm surprised too! We do tend to receive the forms as PDFs but that just means needing to remember to print it out as well as sign it. Still have to send it in physically with them.
It’s horribly inefficient. Every single field trip form I have to fill in our insurance information and my sister-in-law’s phone number, in spite of the fact I’ve given them this information several times every year for over a decade. Drives me crazy that they can’t do it through the portal.
I wonder what the overlap is between dudes who say "I'm a man, I don't need to speak to anyone" and dudes who blame feminism for the "male loneliness epidemic."
Probably a great deal, but, as always, misguided. 50’s men weren’t “not lonely” because June and Donna were waiting at home, bedecked in pearls and holding martinis, but because they had a lot more friends and voluntary associations than most men do today. The Elks, the Odd fellows, the Masons, bowling leagues, golf buddies, etc. Or they - gasp - talked to their neighbors!
Plus also a lot of drinking with co-workers, including during business hours.
Very low, I imagine.
The “SAHD thing is easy” sounds like when I first started working from home. Not just 2 days but for around 6 months it was heavenly and easy and then the unique stresses that come with being wfh started. And have never stopped. Yes anything would seem like heaven if you suddenly didn’t have to commute in morning traffic. Just give it time.
Commute traffic is a special circle of hell, and having a long (> 30 minutes) commute is past the walls of Dis. Eliminating that is a major factor in eliminating stress, though, as you noted, everything comes with a tradeoff.
After years of WFH I almost wish that commuting was my biggest problem. The grass truly is greener on the other side.
I think now that I would enjoy a commute. It seems like a quiet mindless 30-50 mins routine between finishing work and being home is just the trick I need to dr-stress.
Now it’s like I have no excuse to leave the house at all. I just go from bedroom to home office to tv room. Over and over and over. I really have to push myself to go out into the real world - apart from my weekly grocery runs to the shops.
I'm a little surprised that that genital diagram hasn't attracted controversy for having such small labia minora. It's the current body image/dysmorphia issue.
Remember folks, Healthy at Any Length*
*Works for all genders.
Pedro Pascal is probably getting shit due to being incredibly over-hyped when he's such an average looking dude and giving off "male feminist here" vibes that the downfall of people like Neil Gaimen and Justin Trudeau have turned people off of.
And did the childcare dude just admit to sending his sick kids to school?
Whether or not Pascal is overrated, he IS omnipresent, and, as you said, popular. I think there is an element of hype backlash here. And “peeeedo” along with “groomer” is like the neutron bomb of accusations. “So and so is gay” doesn’t have the ZOMGNOOO punch it did 30 years ago.
The main thing that I think about Pedro Pascal is that when he's left to dress himself he regularly wears very ugly outfits. Are the ugly outfits combined with the mustache producing evil vibes? Who's to say.
You said “mustache,” and I know that Americans like to joke about the “pornstache,” and mustaches looking creepy. That and the ugly outfits might be giving a vibe. I still think it’s telling that what people jump to immediately is “he abuses children.” I suppose serial killers are so last decade?
Tbf serial killers got replaced by mass shooters
Also, a "mustache-twirling villain" is a pretty old trope. Mustaches are a bit sinister generally.
Today, I am feeling my age but I always love reading you 😀❤️♾️
Christ you just gave me a flashback to my 10-year-old self getting a permission slip for a puberty lesson in Catholic primary school
The lesson was fine but my parents smugly going DID YOU LEARN ANYTHING INTERESTING IN SCHOOL TODAY was not 🥲
My dad was an airline pilot and in retrospect I realized he and my mom had the ideal arrangement. When he was home for a few days, he did most of the work of caring for the kids, and then he’d leave for a few days to work. They both took me to soccer practice, both cooked dinner, both went to Little League etc. But sometimes my dad wasn’t there because of work and I never resented it. After all, work for him meant literally being thousands of miles away for a few days per week.
Incredible. Stupendous. Amazing.
I've been oblivious to the timing and scheduling of things for my whole life. I get in a rhythm and completely forget holidays, birthdays(mine included), special occasions.....its a thing.
I say this because I completely spaced the day when we were going to learn about puberty in school. I was sick that day and stayed home, my mom thought i was avoiding it and then gave me the whole talk herself which was WAY more awkward as a 1 on 1. I would swap that experience for a fairly clinical school approach 10 out of 10 times. I can still feel my whole 5th grade body cringe hearing my sweet mom talking to me about breasts, hips, vaginas, and the rest of it. Looking back she did a pretty thorough job of it, but damn that was awkward.
We’ve raised an entire generation of young Andrea Dworkins. O Noez my child might learn the proper names for body parts! O NOEZ this foreign actor with an accent is a PEEEEDO!
Maybe I’m just deeply cynical having lived through the McMartin preschool witch trials and the Tipper Gore-induced moral panics around music and vidya games.
That’s a complete mischaracterisation of Andrea Dworkin, but I realise she’s now just a cartoon punchline to kids these days.
She was into some weird shit
She alive? She still got that gay guy she’s married to?
She died a full 20 years ago. How do you remember she married a gay guy but not that she’s dead?
Erm….. uh…..
https://static1.cbrimages.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2023/02/youre-under-arrest-1.jpeg
Both SAHD and sex ed lady are lying to win their arguments. So he’s driving his kids to school and extracurriculars, but they’re also all sick?