Many Such Takes: Adrian Dittman, Shitting Pants, Ozempic, Breakfast Sandwich

The most unhinged discourse of the week, always free

Welcome to Many Such Takes! For those unfamiliar, this is a free weekly segment (I also do lots of other stuff!) For Many Such Takes, I stay up to date with the latest and most chaotic Twitter (and now BlueSky) discourse so you don’t have to. If you see yourself featured here and you don’t like it, simply send me a Substack message and I will happily remove, no matter who you are or what you said.

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Adrian Dittman

Last week, I covered the conspiracy theory that Elon Musk is operating a sockpuppet account (and Elon Musk reply guy) by the name of Adrian Dittman. Musk’s own daughter believes this theory, and at the time I was praying it wasn’t true because it was just too sad, especially in light of “Adrian Dittman” praising Elon as a father:

Reporter Jacqueline Sweet tracked down the real Adrian Dittman, who is named, as you might expect, Adrian Dittman. He’s just an Elon reply guy living in Fiji, and is apparently a completely separate person from Elon himself.

Despite this scoop of the century, people are still skeptical. Have you ever noticed you’ve never seen Adrian Dittman and Elon Musk in a room together?

Someone else brought up this old evidence that Adrian Dittman was using the same phone number for gmail verification as Elon Musk—but perhaps it’s only the last two digits that match. Stranger things have happened! (I have to admit, I am laughing at the idea that navigating Gmail’s “forgot password” feature is too complicated for anyone other than a “cyber security friend.”)

This is probably the best sleuthing I’ve seen thus far:

Shitting Pants

This week, a Twitter user from covid conscious Twitter went viral for a tweet that probably seemed nonsensical to anyone who hasn’t been steeped in the covid conscious stuff, but sadly I understood it perfectly because I’ve kinda been there.

In case it’s not obvious to you, this user is insinuating that all five of their friends are suffering from long covid, which is causing fecal incontinence and dementia. Some users postulated that all the friends were under age five, or over age eighty. Others said the story likely just wasn’t true. Many said that it should have won the

Infinite Scroll

Bad Tweet Bracket, which closed before it could be included. Others just had jokes:

Anyway, I had a slightly different take:

I actually think there’s more to this—if they’re so cautious why are they mingling? In a group of FIVE?? When the hell do they think it is, 2019? Go back inside!!

But seriously, there’s something to be said for the fact that this person apparently has a more vibrant social life than all the people clowning on the tweet. Many such cases.

Ozempic

Admittedly, I don’t know a lot about Ozempic, but my limited understanding of it is that it’s probably a good thing for people who need it. It also seems like it’s been studied pretty extensively. But I’ve also noticed a lot of people almost wanting there to be some other shoe dropping. Losing weight shouldn’t be easy, and being fat should be a sign of moral failing, right??

This guy got in some trouble this week for postulating that we might see bad side-effects from Ozempic eventually. Some folks felt he was barely containing his glee:

It’s possible he meant nothing by it, but this tweet wound up encapsulating the “Sure would be BAD *gleeful* if everyone realized this miracle drug was actually poison, because the only thing that works is SACRIFICE” narrative.

There’s always one!

This is basically where I stand (admittedly, I could be completely wrong:)

Breakfast Sandwich

It’s been a long time since we had a “drinking coffee on the porch with my husband” post—a perfectly innocuous post that winds up getting extreme hate that nobody could have predicted. Well, that’s what happened to podcaster Liv Agar this week. Anyone want to guess what the issue was?

She got a bunch of replies like this, which I can only imagine came from Vegan Twitter? The odd thing about all this is that you never know when Vegan Twitter will strike. The vast majority of the world isn’t vegan, and most of the meals posted on Twitter aren’t vegan. But occasionally they’ll randomly brigade one particular person eating meat. It’s very weird!

Although I should point out I discovered that reply on Twitter (Liv posted it herself,) it actually came from Bluesky? Wowww OK I SEE YOU BLUESKY, bringing the juice finally! Unfortunately, the juice is all this particular flavor, but who knows what’s to come?

This reply probably wins, it’s so insane I actually decided not to include the handle:

Other Happenings and Funny Tweets

• In a Battle of Meghans, Meghan McCann got mad at Meghan Markle for releasing a Netflix series that involved anything other than her helping to bring fresh food to poor people:

• Aella posted her annual stats (honestly one of my favorite annual traditions) and this time people were most shocked at the “one shower every fifteen days” thing, but also concerned for how often she was crying (she clarified most of the tears were tears of joy, and wrote a whole thread about how she ensures she doesn’t stink.) Some people were concerned for how infrequently she was pooping, but it’s news to me that pooping a little over half the days of the year is bad! Maybe she should take whatever that other guy was taking to shit his pants.

  

  

• A young woman (25) noticed an especially sinister song playing in her Uber. Anyone wanna guess what it was?

  

  Well, it was Uptown Girl:

  

  Open the schools!!

• This guy explaining bras to a woman:

  

  • Trump also announced a hire in the most passive aggressive, catty way possible (so on brand) ending with the sassy jab “Good luck Morgan!” I am petitioning to make “Good luck Morgan!” the latest Trumpism- perhaps not on par with “many such cases” but at least “died like a dog.”

  

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