How My Husband Cured His Insomnia (Without Medication)

The Latest Issue of "Pillow Talk with Mr. CHH."

Welcome to Pillow Talk with Mr. CHH. Every now and then I have my husband do a guest post. He wrote my spousal PIP, co-wrote our fitness guide for parents, and wrote his genius recipe for a picky eater smoothie and of course, sludge.

Some of you may have picked up on the lore that my husband has suffered from insomnia for a while which culminated in some pillow-related antics. For that reason, enjoy the latest guest post from my husband about how he cured his insomnia without medication. Yes, he will talk about his favorite pillows.

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After my Sludge banger propelled CHH’s middling blog to the top of the humor Substack charts, I’ve been called upon to deliver for my wonderful wife again. And while some of you might believe I am just a sludge hit wonder, I have more to me - like pillows and other sleep related stuff. So without further ado: I’ll be covering the fun part of sleep (pillows) and the less fun part of sleep (insomnia.)

Insomnia sucks. I struggled with it my entire life. As a kid, I remember countless nights awake, counting Smurfs and finding even Papa Smurf incapable of putting me to sleep. It got worse over the decades. I spent my thirtieth birthday in the emergency room after not sleeping for multiple days. My heart was racing, and CHH was convinced I was dying of a heart attack. It ended up being a panic attack triggered by multiple nights of no sleep. It wasn't anxiety about turning thirty, I really don't care about age, it just coincided with years of horrible insomnia finally taking its toll. Over the next five years, it only got worse. Every doctor I saw seemed convinced they could help me. They prescribed every sleep and anxiety medication they could find, but nothing helped.

I tried CBT-I (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Insomnia). CBT-I includes several different practices, including sleep restriction therapy, where you start by staying in bed for only 4 hours a night, then gradually increase the time. Another practice involves getting out of bed if you're unable to sleep within 15 minutes. I know CBT-I has worked wonders for many people, but for me, it only increased my anxiety about sleep. I need to relax, not feel pressured to race against the clock to fall asleep.

I became depressed and couldn't keep a job for more than 10 months. I'd get paranoid and convince myself that people at the company were out to get me. When you don’t sleep, your brain doesn’t work properly. Side note: there was one time someone actually was out to get me. Her nickname at work was “Backstabby.” CHH once said, “How did Backstabby go from Secretary to Director of Product in two years without any charm or product talent?” CHH had great takes even back then.

The turning point for my insomnia is when I started to focus on the morning, not the night.

I developed a strong morning routine that makes me happy and gets my body and mind moving. Knowing that I have a morning routine that excites me and will energize me - whether I've slept well or not - relieves so much of the pressure and anxiety around getting good sleep, and as a result, I actually sleep much better. It's not that I sleep perfectly every night now or that I don't still struggle with insomnia - but it no longer rules my life.