My Husband Put Me On a PIP

I quit my job in tech to become a SAHM. My husband isn't happy with my performance.

For those of you familiar with my lore, I worked in tech for thirteen years, starting out in account management and eventually moving over to product. I was put on countless PIPs (Performance Improvement Plans, often precursors to being fired) for reasons ranging from “having a $100K revenue goal and bringing in $0” to “packing up a UPS package in the office with loud mailing tape.”

When this Substack started bringing in enough revenue for me to justify ending my career in tech, my husband Nick (or “Mr. CHH”) was very supportive. It feels relevant to mention that Nick currently works in tech, and has actually written real PIPs before for underperforming employees.

Nick has joked about me winding up on another PIP as a stay at home mom. It doesn’t help that Nick works from home, and is privy to my every moment of underperformance as a housewife. So after weeks of jokes about my PIP, I challenged him to actually write me one. So he did. (Yes, the following is actually written by my husband.)

---

Performance Improvement Plan for CartoonsHateHer

1. Date: 12/22/2024

2. Department: SAHM

3. Manager: MrCartooonsHateHer

Background and Purpose

While surviving as an average tech worker for over a decade, namely the years August 2011 to November 2024, the individual in question claimed that her happiness would improve, anxiety would decrease, and household productivity would soar once she stepped into a more traditional role.

CHH had the audacity to quit two well-paying product manager jobs in less than 30 days to pursue being a stay at home mom (SAHM). This followed an illustrious track record of being fired repeatedly, as she has thoroughly documented in her own account, I Keep Getting Fired.

CHH further asserted that stepping away from the demands and pressures of her barely-adequately performing product management career would unlock her ability to flourish in the Trad Wife lifestyle.

CHH is now 1.5 months into this SAHM experiment, which we believe is ample time to examine her performance.

When did Performance issues start?

Almost immediately.