“the demand for a wealthy sugar mama, or even a not-wealthy cougar girlfriend, outweighs the supply.”
lol okay. “Demand” is doing a lot of heavy lifting. I think we have a case of Male Butt Fallacy going on. Bear with me while I explain the term I made up (I’m sure I did not make up this phenomenon and there is a proper term for it, but I don’t know what it is.)
Whenever they survey women about what male body part they like the most, the male butt tops the list. People run away with this bit of info and infer things that aren’t really the case. “Women are just wild for men’s butts!!” Nah. Women don’t obsess over male body parts the way men obsess over female body parts. They answered a question on a survey. That’s it. “I suppose I can appreciate a good butt on a man.” Then on with their day.
So no, young men are not obsessing about getting a sugar mama. But alas, the demand outstrips the supply! Whatever will they do??
They answered a question on a survey. That’s it. “Hmm, a sugar mama? Yeah I could go for that, with the right older woman desirable for her age. All my bills paid in exchange for cougar sex? Why not?” They indulged a fantasy for a moment.
One key factor that hasn't been discussed here: youth and hotness do NOT equate to sexual prowess. For various reasons, this matters less to men when they're looking for younger women. But a hypothetical ruthless cougar is probably looking for a man who can reliably get her off, and since men often need time and experience to learn how to do that, a 20 year old might not actually be a good prospect for her. The best option for a toy boy is probably a reasonably active 36 year old who still has all his hair.
This observation about men not caring nearly as much about sincerity of desire is brought home by Aella’s recent work on OnlyFans. She explains that almost every successful OF model works by having lots of bots/Mechanical Turks work the DM mines to give male punters the impression of a one-on-one sexy chat. But the impression is insanely weak—guys will pay $30 for an “exclusive” of the model “touching herself for him right now” that’s obviously carefully produced at a totally incorrect time of day and location. It’s like a very weak kayfabe. I don’t think guys are dumb enough to really believe it’s real, they’re just able to get into a state of mind where reality doesn’t matter. And I guess this state of mind is not really reachable for most women.
I’m a bisexual woman married to a man, and while I’ve always been attracted to a wide age range of men*, I rarely find women over fifty attractive. And the ones I do find attractive are a sort of “gentleman butch” type. So in a weird way, I kind of sympathize with the older guys who are still interested in younger women.
Nice research data! I have to admit, though, that when I saw the title question, my first thought was, “Because it’s scarily probable that Bill has herpes?” 😂
*I had a preteen crush on Jeremy Irons, who is older than my parents. And, of course, the almost-mandatory older millennial crush on Leonardo DiCaprio. Honestly, I think Jeremy’s aged better than Leo.
This is a touchy topic for me, I was pursued by significantly older men in my early 20s (and was revolted by it, as in would make me physically ill to think about); but my sister married one and slowly ended up in a coercive control marriage, which she finally left last year. I have double the ick about it now. I know some people get off on power; but these relationships are always unbalanced, somebody always has the upper hand
I agree I don’t want to feel old and unattractive, but my experience is that men don’t age as well as women; they don’t take care of their bodies, skin, bears (oh my god the beards), they don’t work on communication or being a better person or being more self sufficient the way women do. A lot of men my age on the dating apps are still confused and mad their wife left them. But dudes ten years younger don’t have ED, don’t want someone their age who wants to get married and have kids in the next year or two, are pretty happy with a woman who has her shit together and asks for what she wants. They can actually provide it, and then they don’t need me to solve the rest of their life problems. It’s sort of great, when you’re an older woman and not interested in risking getting stuck in a patriarchal marriage model again.
According to CHH's survey, far more men (32.7%) would prefer to have women enjoying the sexual encounter than women (20.5%) would prefer the man is enjoying the sexual encounter. I take this to say that women are more likely to enjoy a sexual encounter even though the man was not enjoying it than a man would. This statistic appears to be at odds with CHH's assertion that "in general, women have more distaste for “phony desire” than men do." Maybe it's the "phony desire" that's at issue here. The statistic cited doesn't indicate that the sexual presentation is "phony," only that their sexual pleasure is "more important" (may be saying too much here) than that of their partner's.
What I'm doing here, of course, is pointing to aspects of these survey's that CHH doesn't discuss, something that may be worth discussing.
You are comparing the numbers as if an equal number of men and women took the survey, but there were actually more male respondents so you can’t compare the percentages directly like that.
“the demand for a wealthy sugar mama, or even a not-wealthy cougar girlfriend, outweighs the supply.”
lol okay. “Demand” is doing a lot of heavy lifting. I think we have a case of Male Butt Fallacy going on. Bear with me while I explain the term I made up (I’m sure I did not make up this phenomenon and there is a proper term for it, but I don’t know what it is.)
Whenever they survey women about what male body part they like the most, the male butt tops the list. People run away with this bit of info and infer things that aren’t really the case. “Women are just wild for men’s butts!!” Nah. Women don’t obsess over male body parts the way men obsess over female body parts. They answered a question on a survey. That’s it. “I suppose I can appreciate a good butt on a man.” Then on with their day.
So no, young men are not obsessing about getting a sugar mama. But alas, the demand outstrips the supply! Whatever will they do??
They answered a question on a survey. That’s it. “Hmm, a sugar mama? Yeah I could go for that, with the right older woman desirable for her age. All my bills paid in exchange for cougar sex? Why not?” They indulged a fantasy for a moment.
Then on with their day.
One key factor that hasn't been discussed here: youth and hotness do NOT equate to sexual prowess. For various reasons, this matters less to men when they're looking for younger women. But a hypothetical ruthless cougar is probably looking for a man who can reliably get her off, and since men often need time and experience to learn how to do that, a 20 year old might not actually be a good prospect for her. The best option for a toy boy is probably a reasonably active 36 year old who still has all his hair.
This observation about men not caring nearly as much about sincerity of desire is brought home by Aella’s recent work on OnlyFans. She explains that almost every successful OF model works by having lots of bots/Mechanical Turks work the DM mines to give male punters the impression of a one-on-one sexy chat. But the impression is insanely weak—guys will pay $30 for an “exclusive” of the model “touching herself for him right now” that’s obviously carefully produced at a totally incorrect time of day and location. It’s like a very weak kayfabe. I don’t think guys are dumb enough to really believe it’s real, they’re just able to get into a state of mind where reality doesn’t matter. And I guess this state of mind is not really reachable for most women.
I’m a bisexual woman married to a man, and while I’ve always been attracted to a wide age range of men*, I rarely find women over fifty attractive. And the ones I do find attractive are a sort of “gentleman butch” type. So in a weird way, I kind of sympathize with the older guys who are still interested in younger women.
Nice research data! I have to admit, though, that when I saw the title question, my first thought was, “Because it’s scarily probable that Bill has herpes?” 😂
*I had a preteen crush on Jeremy Irons, who is older than my parents. And, of course, the almost-mandatory older millennial crush on Leonardo DiCaprio. Honestly, I think Jeremy’s aged better than Leo.
I didn’t even read your article yet, but yuck, who wants one that young?
This is a touchy topic for me, I was pursued by significantly older men in my early 20s (and was revolted by it, as in would make me physically ill to think about); but my sister married one and slowly ended up in a coercive control marriage, which she finally left last year. I have double the ick about it now. I know some people get off on power; but these relationships are always unbalanced, somebody always has the upper hand
I agree I don’t want to feel old and unattractive, but my experience is that men don’t age as well as women; they don’t take care of their bodies, skin, bears (oh my god the beards), they don’t work on communication or being a better person or being more self sufficient the way women do. A lot of men my age on the dating apps are still confused and mad their wife left them. But dudes ten years younger don’t have ED, don’t want someone their age who wants to get married and have kids in the next year or two, are pretty happy with a woman who has her shit together and asks for what she wants. They can actually provide it, and then they don’t need me to solve the rest of their life problems. It’s sort of great, when you’re an older woman and not interested in risking getting stuck in a patriarchal marriage model again.
According to CHH's survey, far more men (32.7%) would prefer to have women enjoying the sexual encounter than women (20.5%) would prefer the man is enjoying the sexual encounter. I take this to say that women are more likely to enjoy a sexual encounter even though the man was not enjoying it than a man would. This statistic appears to be at odds with CHH's assertion that "in general, women have more distaste for “phony desire” than men do." Maybe it's the "phony desire" that's at issue here. The statistic cited doesn't indicate that the sexual presentation is "phony," only that their sexual pleasure is "more important" (may be saying too much here) than that of their partner's.
What I'm doing here, of course, is pointing to aspects of these survey's that CHH doesn't discuss, something that may be worth discussing.
You are comparing the numbers as if an equal number of men and women took the survey, but there were actually more male respondents so you can’t compare the percentages directly like that.