My 2025 Predictions and Big 2024 Lookback

Did I keep my resolutions? My 2024 stats, my favorite things of 2024, and much much more

Welcome to my big New Year’s roundup! I’m going to get into my favorite things of 2024—Twitter rivalries, fashion trends, recipes, random stuff…and of course, my predictions for 2025. Sneak peek: gooning is really going to have a big moment!

I’m also going to get into my own personal resolutions for 2024. Let’s see how I did!

2024 Personal Report Card

First, let’s check in on all my resolutions for the year, which I recorded in a spreadsheet at the beginning of 2024, along with my progress and other stats. How did I do?

• Physical activity every day- B. I definitely didn’t get physical activity every day but I faithfully lifted weights every other day and on the days when I wasn’t lifting weights, I generally made sure to get some walking. Surely aggressive phone-scrolling counts a little, right? I did successfully get back to pre-baby shape (for the most part, I lost my boobs, many such cases) so get ready for my Aspiring MILF’s Guide to Fitness, coming later this month!

  

  9 months in, 9 months out- ignore the anonymized baby!

• No Reddit or forum reassurance- B+ This was a big goal in therapy (for OCD.) While I still Googled to find previous posts on Reddit that might reassure me about various rare diseases and food safety neuroses, I managed to stop posting this stuff myself (I’m banned on Reddit, so I’m including mom groups in this.) So I’m going to give myself a B+.

• Get ready 3x a week- A My definition of “getting ready” here is washing my face and changing my outfit in the morning, plus ideally wearing makeup (or at least doing a skincare routine.) Cue the insane clean Twitter people: ewww you don’t trim your nails every day? Imagine the germs! Anyway, I can say I definitely achieved this! Not only did I get ready 3 days a week, but I got ready on 82% of the days.

• Cold plunge every day- A I did a cold plunge on 84% of the days in 2024.

• 8 cups of water per day- D I came nowhere close to this. I have basically been low-level dehydrating for thirty years, like slow-aged beef. I want to say I at least attempted to drink more water this year. I don’t know why it’s so hard. I feel like it would actually solve most of my problems and yet I still won’t do it. Nevertheless, she persisted.

• Create 20 cartoons- F I created one cartoon all year! But when I wrote this, I wasn’t accounting for how fucking awesome my Substack would be, or that I would have a Substack at all, so as far as I’m concerned this resolution is nullified anyway.

• No opening social media during work- F ahahahahahahahahaha

• No phones around the kids unless they're asleep- F yeah uhhh this is going to have to be my 2025 resolution too…maybe I should make it more attainable. On the bright side, I’m not showing them my phone—we’re not a Cocomelon family or anything. I’m mostly just reaching for it out of habit, feeling guilty, and putting it into increasingly difficult-to-reach places to stop from grabbing it again (and yet, again, I persist.) Onwards!

• Mommy-Baby date twice a month- B- When I had my second baby, I made a plan to have a “mommy baby date” with my older child twice a month so he’d get lots of 1:1 time and wouldn’t feel bad about the new baby. We probably wound up doing this at least once a month, but as the baby started taking fewer naps, I feel like we opted for more family activities instead of pairing off.

• Cook at least once a week- A. I should have cooked more, but I cooked 23% of the nights in 2024 that were recorded. I clearly did way too much takeout, but I was breastfeeding a young infant at the beginning of the year, and during the summer I was working two jobs with only part-time childcare. This year, thanks to all my generous paid subscribers, I plan to cook a bit more than 23% of the time. This feedback was also repeated in the PIP my husband wrote for me.

  

• Never have clothes on the bedroom floor- D Giving myself a bad grade here because I deserve it, but also because this was a dumbfuck resolution. Never have clothes on the bedroom floor? It’s neither attainable nor quantifiable unless I was going to take inventory of the bedroom floor on an hourly basis.

• Have weekly house planning meeting- F I thought maybe it would be a good idea for Nick and I to have a meeting every Sunday night to go over important tasks for the week, and then have a monthly check-in to go over more “big picture” family topics, like parenting and marriage: the FAANGification of marriage, I suppose. However, we only ever had one weekly planning meeting, and Nick zoned out the entire time.

• Have monthly “big picture” check-in- F We didn’t do this even once.

Best Stuff of 2024 and 2025 Predictions

I’m going to go over my favorite things of 2024- from online drama to fashion to random shit I liked. Anyway, if you want to skip straight ahead to the 2025 predictions, those come after.

Favorite Twitter Beef