Many Such Takes: Sorority Dances, Stomp Clap Hey, Goon Books, And More

The most unhinged discourse of the week, always free

Welcome to Many Such Takes! For those unfamiliar, this is a free weekly segment (I also do lots of other stuff!) For Many Such Takes, I stay up to date with the latest and most chaotic Twitter (and now BlueSky) discourse so you don’t have to.

Sorority Dances

Multiple people told me I had to write about the culture wars surrounding the annual batch of choreographed sorority dances, however, I have to say, my big “take” is that there’s no culture war because nobody cares.

Basically, this week, a bunch of right-wing accounts kept posting sorority dance videos where a big group of (typically Southern) sorority girls perform some kind of synchronized dance for rush season. Some of the thoughts I had while seeing these videos:

• Wow, they’re wearing CHH-coded colors

• They’re really good dancers

• What a huge group of women

• That one in front is in great shape, I should start doing abs again

But every account posting these videos was insisting that liberals, or fat blue-haired lesbians, were absolutely malding with rage over them. Perhaps thanks to the Sydney Sweeney madness last week (where I acknowledge some but not all on the left were pissed by her advertisement, albeit not because it included a hot woman—at least not according to them) the Right has just kind of assumed that they own “girls being hot” and the Left hates it.

On behalf of all the lesbians, let’s make sure to tell them where the hot women dancing are so they can be sure to avoid them!!

Now political alignment just dropped:

Who even knows anymore:

Stomp Clap Hey

Does anyone remember the hipster-yet-mainstream music in the 2010s where everyone was kinda saying “stomp clap hey” all the time? (Not my term, sadly.) Well, a perfect example of this music is “Home is Wherever I’m With You” by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeroes.

This band never got very famous, so you probably never really thought about what they looked like. That’s why people were so shocked when a Tiny Desk performance of this band went viral on Twitter this week. The guy basically looks how you’d expect (bearded, tall, hipstery) but the woman’s appearance—and I say this trying to be nice and not trying to looks-shame anyone—threw everyone off, partially because she at least appeared to be tweaking on meth.

Sex in the House

This is going to be a little disappointing because I’m not linking any real tweets, and it’s because the people involved in this discourse genuinely seem deeply mentally unwell (and I’m a little scared of them.) But it’s my duty to report on what’s happening on Twitter, so I have to let you guys know that a bunch of people declared it was grooming/pedophilia to have sex in your own home if your kids happen to be in the house (yes, even if they’re asleep.) They also said that millennial parents’ sex obsession is making them selfishly “abuse” their kids by exposing them to the risk that they might accidentally hear the sex. Sorry, I wish I could do more! Just trust me on it being bonkers.

Goon Books

Another day, another tweet about goon books—aka the type of erotica-esque romance novels very popular on BookTok. This man asserts men aren’t reading anymore because when they go to the bookstore, goon books are all that’s available. Ugh, can you imagine how great it would be if we had some kind of online bookstore with same-day shipping accessed by some kind of premium membership? And what if you could also get groceries, clothes, and basically anything there? What a world! Anyway:

I regret to inform you that if you believe Amazon exists, you are, in fact, a simp:

Also, I really hate to use the word “mansplain” because I think it doesn’t apply 99% of the time, but this time it basically does. Behold, a man mansplaining sex to women (it’s not supposed to feel good, you IDIOTS.)

Funny Tweets/Other Happenings

• A new type of wine:

• I really, really need to hear about the cunty bird universe:

• The mashup everyone needs right now:

• The best ad campaign I’ve ever seen:

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