Many Such Takes: Lewd Sabrina Carpenter, Holding Space, Solo Poly, 16 Year Old Muse

The most unhinged discourse of the week, always free

Welcome to Many Such Takes! For those unfamiliar, this is a free weekly segment (I also do lots of other stuff!) For Many Such Takes, I stay up to date with the latest and most chaotic Twitter (and now BlueSky) discourse so you don’t have to. If you see yourself featured here and you don’t like it, simply send me a Substack message and I will happily remove, no matter who you are or what you said. For previous issues of Many Such Takes, see this tab on my main page. Many Such Takes will always be free, so please become a free or paid subscriber to see more every Sunday!

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Sabrina Carpenter ORAL S*X

Another day, another opportunity for my puritanical ass to be absolutely traumatized by the likes of famed sex pest Sabrina Carpenter:

This wouldn’t be the first time that people freaked out about Sabrina Carpenter’s sexual lyrics or dance moves. Famously, a Twitter user declared they were “17 and AFRAID of Sabrina Carpenter” because of a similar sexual pantomime. But let’s be real, this is all…uhh…kinda tame.

All the discourse gave birth to this tweet, which to be fair is at least a bit self-aware:

There is a huge difference between thinking the sex moves are cringe versus actually being afraid of them, but I’m gonna go ahead and say they’re fairly on-brand. Sabrina Carpenter is not making Cocomelon music, people!! Has anyone ever actually listened to her? She’s not for kids just because she’s short and wears pink!

If I may plug my own Bluesky post/tweet/whatever:

Hey, at the very least, Sabrina Carpenter is now even more qualified to run for President:

Holding Space

It’s been Wicked-mania over on the TL, and honestly, I don’t find it very interesting because I don’t really care about Wicked or celebrities. But this week gave us an amazingly cringe clip of an interview with the Wicked co-stars in which the interviewer mentions (seemingly holding back tears) that she’s seen posts of people “taking the lyrics of Defying Gravity and really holding space with that,” whatever the hell that means.

The only thing funnier than what the interviewer is saying is arguably the way Ariana Grande is clutching Cynthia Erivo’s finger.

Then, just when you didn’t think it could get better, Cynthia’s reaction to the news that some consumers are “holding space” is to behave like Donald Trump when he “discovered” RBG was dead:

Anyway, I think we’re done with the bodies and spaces lingo. We are not going back!

Speaking of that art style, commonly known as Corporate Memphis, get ready for…

Solo Poly

Speaking of corporate memphis and not going back, this image from the unsettling 2010s world of Tumblr social justice reemerged this week on Twitter, which of course, included a dubious sexual orientation/lifestyle (solo poly?) being performed by none other than an amputee hijabi, and not only an amputee but an amputee who seems to have some kind of old-fashioned pirate hook for a leg?

Honestly, my first thought was that this was some kind of rage bait image made by right-wingers to make all lefties look like kooks, but apparently the watermark is from a legitimate left-wing account who posts other stuff like this too. Well, okay then!

This gave way to:

People are now making fan art of the original non-existent character. I repeat, there is fan art:

In conclusion:

16-Year-Old Muse

This week, a Vanity Fair article dropped about writer Cormac McCarthy and his 16-year-old “muse” Augusta Britt. Uhhh…

Some people felt that the framing was refreshingly neutral and non-scoldy (Augusta Britt, when interviewed, doesn’t consider McCarthy an abuser) while others felt that grooming and abuse was being romantically glossed over:

A great deal of ire was directed at the writer who penned the piece, whose real name (as far as I know, anyway) is Vincenzo Barney, and who looks like this:

But wait!! The plot thickens. What if he’s doing olive-face/Italian stolen valor? It turns out “Vincenzo” is just as phony a name as it sounds!

Other Happenings

Menswear Guy shoe-dunked on a January 6 rioter, who he apparently previously tipped off to the FBI (see? How can you in good faith say that BlueSky is just as entertaining as Twitter?)

Someone on Bluesky (who I’ll keep anonymous for their sake) has decreed that liberals are not welcome because the app was apparently created for the express purpose of “collective liberation:”

CHH Happenings

Do you need some listening material? I was on two podcasts this week!

• I went on The World Needs Another Podcast to discuss working vs. staying at home with kids, marriage, and a penal colony for violent dogs.

• I went on The Hope Axis to talk about fertility, dating, attraction and fantasy vs. reality.

In case you missed it…