In Defense of the No-Kids Wedding

Kids should be allowed to exist in public, but they don't need to attend weddings.

This week, Twitter discourse reliably wandered back to an old favorite topic: kid-free weddings. I’m not going to get into the play-by-play of what people said on Twitter (that’s what Many Such Takes is for!) but long story short: a viral video circulated of an irritated-looking bride, attempting to get through her wedding vows at her kid-free wedding while a guest’s child (who was presumably not invited, although sometimes these weddings allow specific children, like close family members) made noise. The overwhelming sentiment on pronatalist Twitter was that she was self-centered, uptight, and that children should be allowed to exist in public. For some reason, “public” has expanded to mean “everyone’s weddings.” And, well, I don’t think the bride did anything wrong.

You might be surprised to see me, of all people, defend the idea of a no-kids wedding. After all, I’ve written before about how I wish fancy holiday parties included children. I’ve also written about how subways should be safe and pleasant for children. I wrote about my displeasure at how often kids’ spaces are infested by unruly unleashed dogs. Generally, if there’s a place or an event, I will write an article talking about how kids need to be included, if not straight-up prioritized.

But I feel differently about weddings.

Don’t get me wrong. As a mom, if I get invited to a wedding, my first thought is that I hope they allow children. Because I don’t like to travel away from my kids—and because nobody can just have a wedding in their city anymore, it all has to be in a foreign country, on top of a desolate mountain on an island five hours from the nearest airport—any wedding where I’m invited will likely include travel. Unless my kids are invited, I’m not going. I’ve even declined a few technically child-friendly wedding invites because the travel required was too difficult for a family with young children and two gigantic car seats. But despite my personal hopes that every wedding includes children, I completely understand why a bride and groom wouldn’t invite them, and I think the “children should be allowed to exist in public” people are doing a bit too much on this one.

(Heads up- for the next four days I’m doing a 20% off annual subscription sale to celebrate my one-year Substack anniversary! If you’re on the fence, now is a great time to join the CHH community to finish this article, and 5+ others like it every week!) Don’t take my word for the good value, ask my subscribers!