Subways are for Babies

Who has earned the privilege to "exist" in public spaces?

Like my previous article on the unchecked tyranny of dog owners with unleashed dogs, I’ve long felt passionate about the safety of public spaces—especially as it relates to people who are physically more vulnerable: the elderly, the disabled, women, and especially children. (I’m aware not every woman or every disabled person would consider themselves vulnerable, I’m generalizing here.) Like my article on dogs, I was always afraid to write about it, because I was afraid people would get mad. But if Substack has taught me anything, the articles that give me heart palpitations are usually the ones people want to read.

Nicole Ruiz, with her child on the subway

As a mom who has spent a great deal amount of time in cities (I used to live in San Francisco, and have lived in and traveled to New York many times, including with my kids) I kept a shameful secret: I was afraid to ride subways (or any form of public transportation) with my children. I’m aware these methods of transportation are largely safe—you’re more likely to be killed in a car accident than you are to be thrown in front of a subway by someone “experiencing a mental health crisis.” But I think what scares so many people (especially parents) off public transportation is how little control they appear to have over their kids’ safety. At least when you’re driving, you are the one driving. Yes, accidents can still happen, but you have some degree of control over how well you drive, whether you wear a seatbelt, and whether you are intoxicated or not.

But subways especially feel precarious—you’re thrown into an inescapable metal tube full of strangers, with nobody there to enforce rules, the way airplanes have flight attendants who can restrain drunk and disorderly passengers. And while I understand not everyone shares this concern (not even all parents!) what bothers me is how readily parents’ concerns (especially mothers) are pushed aside in the name of “compassion for others.” An interaction went viral on Twitter this week where mom Nicole Ruiz expressed concern for her child’s safety on the subway when she found herself in a tricky spot. Predictably, the Defenders of Disorder showed up to tell her to get over it:

Not to dunk on Ian too much- he’s just one example of this sentiment- but there seems to be a pervasive belief that subways (and cities at large) are not for “the weak.” And for some reason, “the weak” includes law-abiding families, children, and people who probably couldn’t hold their own in a physical fight, but does not include people doing drugs in public, flashers, and people who assault women in broad daylight for no reason. (Does anyone remember the discourse about how parents should be OK letting their kids watch people shooting up in public? I do!) Apparently, cities are meant to be Gotham meets The Purge—anything else would lack compassion for “the vulnerable,” apparently—and if you’re put off by that, you’re a pussy ass loser who should move to the suburbs (I’m sure these people think wonderful things about suburban sprawl and families who live there because they’re afraid of crime in cities…right?)

I acknowledge most homeless people and mentally ill people are harmless, but anyone who has experienced being locked in a tube with someone who was threatening, screaming or perhaps actually hurting someone (I was once in a subway with a completely lucid guy who randomly started punching strangers until three grown men sat on him) can usually acknowledge that this type of anti-social behavior is, well, bad!