Did JD Vance Have Sex with a Couch?
The couch exists within the context of the latex glove.
Some urban legends, especially those about public figures, are so funny that you almost want to believe them. The more lurid and absurd, and the less you like the person it’s about, the more you want to be a true believer. And this is more prescient than ever with the joke about JD Vance having sex with a couch.
It all started with this tweet, posted shortly after Vance was selected as Trump’s VP, which I admit I believed immediately:
Since then, the rest of Twitter has gotten in on the assumption that JD Vance having sex with a couch was canon:
The Cut debunked the couch-fucking. However, just the fact that it was being talked about led some people to believe that it was Vance who denied it directly, which makes him seem suspiciously even more like the kind of person who had sex with a couch:
Even more dodgy is that if you read Hillbilly Elegy, apparently the couch scene isn’t there, which makes you wonder why they “removed” it:
Ultimately, even with the original troll post debunked, we have to be honest about something: none of this proves JD Vance didn’t have sex with a couch. All it proves is that he didn’t admit to having sex with a couch. As one anonymous Redditor puts it:
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I am observing a two week hiatus from mocking credulous zoomers who believe every claim they see on Tik Tok. Because for two or three days, without ever really thinking about it, I thought the Vance-couch anecdote was really in the book.
But, really, what is with Republicans and their compulsive need to have weird sex, a need so universally documented that nobody for ab instant doubts the couch-sex story: "Yup, sounds about right. Surprised it was only a couch.". Why can't Republicans 1) have regular sex w consenting adults like normal human beings, and 2) shut up about it?