All The Stupid Things I Judged Parents For Before I Had Kids
An inside peek into the mind of the jackass judging you on the plane.
Did you guys hear that an entire flight was cancelled after a petulant toddler refused to sit down and be buckled in? The plan was initially just to kick the family off the plane, but by the time they got them off, the airspace was closed and the entire plane had to disembark and try again the next day. Yeah…I’ve been on the receiving end of some child-on-plane-related glares before but I cannot even imagine how much everyone on the plane loathed those parents.
That’s an extreme example (which would also infuriate me even today) but in general, I try to give parents the benefit of the doubt, because they aren’t getting a fair shake in the court of online public opinion. You are “outsourcing parenthood” if you so much as send your kids to school. Your kids need to be perfectly silent in public, but God forbid you give them a screen to keep them occupied on a plane. You should stop being so “neurotic,” but also you should never let your child consume even one singular potato chip.
But as I defend parents against the crotchety mom-shamers of society (who are, many times, not parents themselves) I would be remiss if I did not own up to the fact that at one point, before I had kids, I was the judgiest bitch who ever lived.
I’ll admit that some of my judgment came from jealousy. I always wanted to be a mom, and for a while I was just really jealous of parents for having what I wanted someday. Once we actually experienced infertility issues, my judgment of parents really ratcheted up because seeing them at all made me feel sad. Sometimes, when people are being super judgy toward parents, I give them the benefit of the doubt and assume they have some similar, vulnerable reason for their behavior, but it’s also possible they’re actually just jackasses.
But, either way, at one point I was this much of a jackass (although I thankfully kept my mouth shut about these things) so allow me to fill you in on all the ridiculous parenting things that earned my side-eye, to give you an idea of what the most obnoxious person you know is probably thinking when they see your kids in public. Here are the stupidest things I judged, please forgive me:
Eating dinner “too early”
This one is one of my least defensible judgments, although you’ll soon find out there are some real contenders for “dumbest judgment.” At one point in my twenties, we were supposed to meet up with some family friends who had a one-year-old boy. As we were making the reservation, they said the only time they could do was 5 or 5:30, because they needed to be home in time for their son to go to sleep. This meant I had to leave work thirty minutes early. I didn’t want to stay at work till six, but dreaded asking my boss to leave early, so I was pissed. My logic was that if their kid was going to be so tired by seven or eight, they could just “let him sleep at the restaurant,” or better yet, hire a sitter (with only a few hours’ notice) and not bring him at all.
BTW: I’m running a 30% off sale on annual subscriptions for the next week! (Even at my regular prices, I have some of the lowest $-for-article volume pricing on Substack, but a summer sale can’t hurt.)
