You Will Own Nothing, Except The Libs

They voted for Trump to fix the economy. Now they're cheering for him to destroy it.

I don’t normally publish new content on Saturdays, but I kinda had to do this one. Bear with me, because instead of removing a previous paywall today as is the tradition, I will be doing that tomorrow and linking it in Many Such Takes. But anyway, today I need to write about, uhhh, this:

Original content btw

Quick story time: when I was in high school economics in 2007, we had a mock stock market project where we were given fake money to invest, and I invested 100% of my funds in Chipotle, mostly because every time my teacher wanted to talk about a company doing well, he would say they were “blowing up like Chipotle.” Despite his urging for me to diversify my portfolio, I made more money than anyone else in the class, much to his chagrin. Despite my having no real strategy, I was correct that Chipotle was, in fact, blowing up. Anyway, TLDR: my teacher would be pretty shocked to see me of all people (someone who nearly flunked out of college as a sociology major) writing about economics. But here we are!

While I’m admittedly no economics expert, some cursory research has indicated Trump is purposefully crashing the stock market via tariffs. Oh, I’m a biased resist lib, you say? Who do you think my source was on that statement, the Krassenstein brothers? Brooklyn Dad Defiant? Randy Rainbow? Wrong! Source below:

I distinctly recall Democrats warning everyone that Trump was a dangerous authoritarian who was bound to do crazy stuff, and the response among Trump voters was, “Eggs are $7, Karen.” It reminded me of the 2016 Republican primaries when Trump was questioned about his offensive rhetoric toward women, and he responded that he didn’t have time to be politically correct because “ISIS is chopping off people’s heads,” as if it took extra effort and time away from fighting ISIS to avoid alluding to Megyn Kelly’s period. Generally, Trump is the candidate where none of those pesky little things matter—sending people to foreign prisons over “Mom” heart tattoos or flirting with a third term—because we have to deal with “more important things.” The more important thing in 2016 was apparently ISIS beheadings, and the more important thing in 2024 was eggs being $7.

Well, not only are eggs still $7 (or $22 or whatever) but Trump has gone and tanked the stock market via insane tariffs on basically every country. This will obviously have second order effects, namely, making everything more expensive. He called this our “liberation day,” presumably, liberation from “having money.”

Some Trump defenders have decided this won’t be a problem, because he’s just calling other countries’ bluffs. They will remove their own tariffs, Trump will back down, and everything will be fine. But others have taken a bizarre stance in defense of the tariffs: the economy actually isn’t real, and you don’t need to “buy stuff.”