You Don't Like Women, You Like Boobs

If you want a "feminine woman," you should actually like femininity

Photo by ALEXANDRE DINAUT on Unsplash

I’ve written before (yesterday, in fact!) about the fact that viewing men as a monolithic adversary is not a healthy way to live your life as a straight woman. That doesn’t mean you can’t be a feminist, or that you have to go full tradwife, but if you find yourself thinking very negatively of men, or viewing the man you’re with through the lens of the Jezebel comments section circa 2017, you simply will not have very enjoyable romantic relationships. Simple litmus test: when you hear a woman talk about “de-centering men,” does she ever seem to be in a happy relationship? Chicken and egg, I suppose, but you know.

Anyway, I haven’t focused as much on the male side of this dynamic, mostly because I am not constantly seeing well-respected media outlets pushing out articles like “Bitches Be Shopping: Why are Ladies Buying Dumb Purses and Are They On The Rag?” But there is a pretty significant problem of men who simply do not like women.

I’m not talking about rabid misogynists who fantasize about harm befalling women—they’re obviously a problem but not very fun to write about. I’m talking about men who are straight and plainly attracted to women in a typical way. They are not overtly sexist. They do not hate women. They want a feminine woman. They may even complain that it’s hard to find a feminine woman “these days.” But when it comes down to it, they don’t actually like femininity. They don’t have even the slightest bit of curiosity—or even basic tolerance—for traditionally feminine hobbies, interests or behaviors. They basically just like…boobs. I was going to say they like vaginas but I think that’s actually a stretch. I’d say they are fine with the utilitarian function of vaginas but don’t like them, per se. They would be very happy if all vaginas were replaced with lubricated silicone coin slots.

These men can still obtain relationships with women if they’re attractive and charismatic enough. Attraction is, if nothing else, deeply unfair. But a man who generally loathes (or just sneers at) femininity will not have enjoyable relationships with women. He will not enjoy anything he does with his wife or girlfriend outside of sex, which leaves the other twenty three hours and fifty-five minutes of the day for mind-numbing boredom and disdain.

If you want a feminine woman, you actually have to take some enjoyment in her femininity. You have to…well, actually like women.