You Can't "Just Do Things," Actually

Social norms exist for a reason, and violating them is easier said than done.

Photo by Haut Risque on Unsplash

Every now and then, I see someone declaring that “you can just do things,” usually right before showcasing something they did which was decidedly not something that anyone thought you couldn’t do. For example: I just made gazpacho at 2 PM. You can literally just do things! Of course you can. There’s no social norm against making gazpacho at 2 PM. Tell me you whipped your boobs out at Grand Central Station (completely legal, by the way) and get back to me.

Unfortunately, people have extended this advice—the idea that you can “just do things”— to the breaking of seemingly nonsensical social norms which actually carry a great deal of social risk if violated.

I’m probably a bit guilty of this myself too, because I’ve implied that young men were too cautious and worried about flirting with women in public. I’ve argued (correctly, I believe) that fears of women “ruining your life” are overblown, and even unattractive or awkward men aren’t likely to face any legal repercussions for saying hi to someone after a workout class. But I also acknowledged that I completely understood why they might not want to, especially given how unusual this type of interaction has become. Yes, you can “just do things,” and technically, you can chat up a lady at the gym as long as you are respectful, but if nobody else is doing it, why would you? Maybe you won’t be literally jailed, but you could be ridiculed, or even posted on social media.

We have social norms for a reason. Unfortunately, some social norms are a bit ridiculous, or have spun out of control, and make everyone loneliner. But while it makes sense to criticize social norms that increase atomization and loneliness, telling people to simply ignore these norms doesn’t make sense either, unless you can convince people to ignore them en masse. Even if it’s legal, being the only person to break a social norm has great potential for awkwardness and embarrassment. At the very least, you need two or three people to buy into it together.