Funny story - when we were first looking for a nanny, my wife and one of her friends were reticent to hire a young nanny for this reason. I pointed out that an older person might, yanno, try to impose a lot more of their views on childcare, and be less energetic, so we hired a young lady (who has been fantastic and with us for three+ years now). Her friend hired an older, granny-type woman who...refused to take direction and was frequently too tired to do more than put on the TV.
In retrospect, the differing decisions might have had a lot to do with how much they trusted their respective husbands.
I really like young babysitters! They have lots of energy to play with the kids and are often more up to date on modern safety rules. Granted, we also love when grandparents help us out, and I do know some lovely older nannies too.
For sure! One other funny thing, that sort of bears on your blog, is that (particularly as our nanny and her sisters, while citizens, are immigrants whose parents still live abroad) we end up acting as proxy parents to them, even as she cares for our kids! Like, to the point of making sure her sister gets to tutoring and SAT classes (paying for them is a great excuse to follow up!), sending her home early to go to the doctors, etc. etc. The point is that she stands in a psychological role that is part employee, yes - but the other part is borderline parental, as to her! It'd be like me and my younger cousin having a sexual relationship, it's just beyond bizarre. It's really, really hard to imagine either half of that dynamic somehow migrating towards sexual interest, but maybe that's just me. I feel like this speaks to your point about the unlikeliness of the dynamic; my nanny wants a boyfriend *her age* and, if she wants anything from me or my wife on that front, it's time off, money, and maybe some pointers on dating...
I guess the anxiety isn't so much that the husband will leave for a hot consensual relationship with the nanny or the wife will leave for a long fulfilling relationship with the pool boy, but that someone will do something impulsive that the marriage (and nanny's employment) won't be able to recover from and imagine going through a divorce and all the lawyer and court appointments without a reliable nanny. At best, someone tries to awkwardly flirt with the nanny and things get weird.
The lizard brain probably awakens to this danger when people are hot, but maybe that's not a prerequisite for the danger to obviously pass - iirc Arnold's wife is a looker, the nanny he had kids with, not so much.
I’ve heard women express the somewhat delusional paranoia that their man was going to DiCaprio them as soon as they hit some unspecified age. I wonder if the hot nanny being both a woman in your house and also doing ‘the woman’s work’ makes the little fantasy ‘click’ too easily.
For your part, I’d gently say that if you’re intimidated by 10s but not by 9 or 8s…. Maybe that’s just kind of because you are at that level, and the ones intimidated by the 8s are so because they’re a 6 or something
Asked wife: other thing is even the knowledge that your partner is aroused by someone is bothersome regardless of if the nanny would consent to anything or not
Re: DiCaprio: do you believe in the conspiracy theory that he’s gay, contracts with young women in their twenties so he can look straight, and then “lets them go” in their mid-twenties so they have time to get in serious relationships and have kids before their fertility wanes? Because I have to admit, I totally do.
I would agree…if he hadn’t spent decades going pretty much everywhere with Lukas Haas, and if Lukas Haas’s grandmother hadn’t said he and Leo live together, and if I hadn’t been hearing “Leo-is-gay” rumors since my parents got the internet in 2002, and if Kate Winslet hadn’t said she knows “at least four” actors who won’t come out of the closet because they think it’ll ruin their careers.
"Nanny affairs may do numbers in the goon caves, but it’s not happening in any meaningful way in real life"
I've realized that at least half of all online Conservative discourse stems from their belief that Porn is Real. (This also explains their obsession with "cucking".)
I have a different theory: way, way too many people are psycho about the notion that their partner will have any kind of meaningful relationship at all with someone of the opposite sex. It's a different flavor of "porn is cheating" or "smiling at the waitress is cheating."
Anecdotally, I’ve never heard of the husband cheating with the hot nanny. But, sometimes, the husband gets with a chill nanny who isn’t necessarily hot. Example: Arnold S. So, in these circumstances, the wife is high status and hotter than the nanny but there’s other issues.
I am a middle aged man with enough money to hire a nanny. I have zero desire to cheat on my wife and highly doubt a hot nanny would want to sleep with me anyways. I still wouldn't hire a hot nanny (and my wife wouldn't allow it) It's just not a risk worth taking even if the odds are extremely low.
To be honest- you’re legit agreeing with the original poster when you actively discriminate against hot nannies who make you insecure. You both essentially said the same thing- he was more succinct and crass
it's not so much about whether the husband will cheat, but rather having undeniable knowledge that the husband is attracted to the nanny if she's super hot. that, combined with the fact that she's taking care of your kid, is just a hotbed for insecurity. there is plausible deniability if she's normal-pretty (she could be "not his type")
I think a Chad personal trainer is a lot more likely to have an affair with an older female client, especially if she was attractive as well, than a man is with a nanny because as you correctly point out it's very unlikely the nanny is going to be interested. Honestly you'd probably be at greater risk for a husband-nanny affair if you hired a 7/10 early middle aged single mom to be your nanny than if you hired a 23 year old model. The former might actually find high earning, stable middle aged men attractive, the latter is going to be too busy with other young hot people to even consider the idea.
I wouldn’t want a super-hot nanny, but it has nothing to do with my husband. I’d just feel like crap about myself if I was constantly around this younger, gorgeous woman who, unlike me, couldn’t stand to lose 35 pounds.
“They express sadness for the child who is ‘missing out’ on time with his mother, but don’t stop to wonder why the child is missing out on time with his father.” Well, yeah, because the relationship between a mother and a young child is a whole different ballgame than the relationship between a father and a young child. Babies don’t even realize for their first few months that they’re separate people than their mothers.
If I ever start a sub stack it will 100% be named "Big numbers in the Goon Cave"
It better be, and I'll be your first subscriber!
Funny story - when we were first looking for a nanny, my wife and one of her friends were reticent to hire a young nanny for this reason. I pointed out that an older person might, yanno, try to impose a lot more of their views on childcare, and be less energetic, so we hired a young lady (who has been fantastic and with us for three+ years now). Her friend hired an older, granny-type woman who...refused to take direction and was frequently too tired to do more than put on the TV.
In retrospect, the differing decisions might have had a lot to do with how much they trusted their respective husbands.
I really like young babysitters! They have lots of energy to play with the kids and are often more up to date on modern safety rules. Granted, we also love when grandparents help us out, and I do know some lovely older nannies too.
For sure! One other funny thing, that sort of bears on your blog, is that (particularly as our nanny and her sisters, while citizens, are immigrants whose parents still live abroad) we end up acting as proxy parents to them, even as she cares for our kids! Like, to the point of making sure her sister gets to tutoring and SAT classes (paying for them is a great excuse to follow up!), sending her home early to go to the doctors, etc. etc. The point is that she stands in a psychological role that is part employee, yes - but the other part is borderline parental, as to her! It'd be like me and my younger cousin having a sexual relationship, it's just beyond bizarre. It's really, really hard to imagine either half of that dynamic somehow migrating towards sexual interest, but maybe that's just me. I feel like this speaks to your point about the unlikeliness of the dynamic; my nanny wants a boyfriend *her age* and, if she wants anything from me or my wife on that front, it's time off, money, and maybe some pointers on dating...
I guess the anxiety isn't so much that the husband will leave for a hot consensual relationship with the nanny or the wife will leave for a long fulfilling relationship with the pool boy, but that someone will do something impulsive that the marriage (and nanny's employment) won't be able to recover from and imagine going through a divorce and all the lawyer and court appointments without a reliable nanny. At best, someone tries to awkwardly flirt with the nanny and things get weird.
The lizard brain probably awakens to this danger when people are hot, but maybe that's not a prerequisite for the danger to obviously pass - iirc Arnold's wife is a looker, the nanny he had kids with, not so much.
I’ve heard women express the somewhat delusional paranoia that their man was going to DiCaprio them as soon as they hit some unspecified age. I wonder if the hot nanny being both a woman in your house and also doing ‘the woman’s work’ makes the little fantasy ‘click’ too easily.
For your part, I’d gently say that if you’re intimidated by 10s but not by 9 or 8s…. Maybe that’s just kind of because you are at that level, and the ones intimidated by the 8s are so because they’re a 6 or something
Asked wife: other thing is even the knowledge that your partner is aroused by someone is bothersome regardless of if the nanny would consent to anything or not
Re: DiCaprio: do you believe in the conspiracy theory that he’s gay, contracts with young women in their twenties so he can look straight, and then “lets them go” in their mid-twenties so they have time to get in serious relationships and have kids before their fertility wanes? Because I have to admit, I totally do.
Theoretically possible. I don’t follow celebrity stuff enough to say.
But occam’s razor says he does it cause younger women are hotter, he doesn’t want to settle down and he’s desirable enough to get away with doing it
I would agree…if he hadn’t spent decades going pretty much everywhere with Lukas Haas, and if Lukas Haas’s grandmother hadn’t said he and Leo live together, and if I hadn’t been hearing “Leo-is-gay” rumors since my parents got the internet in 2002, and if Kate Winslet hadn’t said she knows “at least four” actors who won’t come out of the closet because they think it’ll ruin their careers.
We hired a 22 year old nanny at home.
Yes, she's hotter than my wife.
But she's not my best friend. She doesn't make me laugh. She hasn't seen me at my worst, and decided she loves me anyway.
So, I'll pass. Thanks.
Feel like this may have gone over some people’s heads
"Nanny affairs may do numbers in the goon caves, but it’s not happening in any meaningful way in real life"
I've realized that at least half of all online Conservative discourse stems from their belief that Porn is Real. (This also explains their obsession with "cucking".)
I have a different theory: way, way too many people are psycho about the notion that their partner will have any kind of meaningful relationship at all with someone of the opposite sex. It's a different flavor of "porn is cheating" or "smiling at the waitress is cheating."
Anecdotally, I’ve never heard of the husband cheating with the hot nanny. But, sometimes, the husband gets with a chill nanny who isn’t necessarily hot. Example: Arnold S. So, in these circumstances, the wife is high status and hotter than the nanny but there’s other issues.
I am a middle aged man with enough money to hire a nanny. I have zero desire to cheat on my wife and highly doubt a hot nanny would want to sleep with me anyways. I still wouldn't hire a hot nanny (and my wife wouldn't allow it) It's just not a risk worth taking even if the odds are extremely low.
So you engage in no quality of life increasing behavior because of very small risks?
I could hire a not hot nanny instead. There is no added benefit of a 22 year old smoke show nanny. Zero, zilch, nada.
So you would discriminate based on looks because you know you have no self control. Hmm
More importantly, my wife would
i think that woman will be fine. this is like a college rejecting a kid with perfect college boards. they'll get in everywhere else
So that is the standard for prejudice?
Also there is no risk. Either you are a cheater or you aren't. You know your own soul.
This isn't true at all.
You are not a moral agent?
no one is, morality is temporally and contextually subjective.
Let me introduce you to good friend, Emmanuel Kant
To be honest- you’re legit agreeing with the original poster when you actively discriminate against hot nannies who make you insecure. You both essentially said the same thing- he was more succinct and crass
it's not so much about whether the husband will cheat, but rather having undeniable knowledge that the husband is attracted to the nanny if she's super hot. that, combined with the fact that she's taking care of your kid, is just a hotbed for insecurity. there is plausible deniability if she's normal-pretty (she could be "not his type")
I think a Chad personal trainer is a lot more likely to have an affair with an older female client, especially if she was attractive as well, than a man is with a nanny because as you correctly point out it's very unlikely the nanny is going to be interested. Honestly you'd probably be at greater risk for a husband-nanny affair if you hired a 7/10 early middle aged single mom to be your nanny than if you hired a 23 year old model. The former might actually find high earning, stable middle aged men attractive, the latter is going to be too busy with other young hot people to even consider the idea.
I wouldn’t want a super-hot nanny, but it has nothing to do with my husband. I’d just feel like crap about myself if I was constantly around this younger, gorgeous woman who, unlike me, couldn’t stand to lose 35 pounds.
“They express sadness for the child who is ‘missing out’ on time with his mother, but don’t stop to wonder why the child is missing out on time with his father.” Well, yeah, because the relationship between a mother and a young child is a whole different ballgame than the relationship between a father and a young child. Babies don’t even realize for their first few months that they’re separate people than their mothers.