Which Clothes Actually Repel and Attract Men?
Parsing athleisure, cottagecore and the infamous "sun dress."
Many years ago, before I was banned from Reddit, I started a conversation about what your husband or boyfriend would pick for you if he could pick your outfits. The answers were, frankly, disappointing. They either said “He’d want me to be naked” or “Who the fuck cares, if he expressed any opinion about my clothing I’d dump him!”
I think men are more nuanced than that. Your average man might love the sight of a naked woman’s body, but that doesn’t mean he wants you to join him for a coffee date coochie-first, with nary a merkin to separate your labia from the frigid AC breeze. I also think that despite all the macho posturing about being dumb red-blooded gorillas who don’t know what a skirt is, most men actually do prefer some outfits to others.
I became extremely curious about what clothes men like or don’t like, aware that this would vary from man to man. I was already in a relationship (with a man who would later be my husband) so this wasn’t driven by a desire to attract men. I was just fascinated by the topic and it became one of my many useless special interests. I asked my boyfriend to pick my outfit every day for a week with the understanding that I would wear it as long as it was weather and occasion appropriate. What he picked was lots of light blue and white, jumpsuits, high-waisted skinny jeans (it was the early 2010s) crop tops (including boxy ones), lace, athletic clothes, and sneakers. What was surprisingly missing? Bodycon mini dresses or heels- of which I had many!
But alas, not all men are my husband (in fact, the vast majority of men are not.) Recently on Twitter I posted that despite what you might hear, your average man prefers a somewhat revealing athleisure set to lingerie. Of course, I am biased because my husband feels this way but I still think I’m onto something.
Things got pretty heated. A great deal of men agreed (I’d say the majority, but these are the men who chose to follow me which weeds out certain sub-phyla of men who might disagree.) I realized that this was a polarizing statement because athleisure is, to some men, repellent for the same reasons it’s incredibly sexy to others.
Now, certain women reading this are probably thinking “Who the fuck cares? I wear whatever the fuck I want, and I don’t care what men think!” To them, I say: why did. you click on this article, thank you for stepping out of the time machine from the year 2015, I hope you are enjoying your daily Jezebel article, and don’t worry, you can wear whatever you want. I’m merely curious about exploring the phenomenon of man repeller/attracter clothing as a phenomenon, not in being prescriptive to all women (although later in the article I will offer purely optional guidelines). It’s perfectly fine not to care at all, or to actively try to repel men. There are many men worth repelling!
Side note: the term “Man Repeller” was coined by Leandra Madine, who wrote a book on this topic and more or less created a brand by the same name. However, I feel the need to point out that the outfit she’s wearing on the cover is not only NOT a man repeller outfit, but is an outfit that my husband would probably pick out for me. The below image is a better example of her true man repeller style:
Anyway, athleisure. My husband is a big fan of it for a few reasons: it’s usually brightly-colored (he’s a fan of color), it’s form-fitting, and because he’s very into fitness, the connotation is positive. Plus, it’s not “too much,” which is how he feels about things like skintight mini dresses, short-shorts and G-strings. One could wear athleisure with their kids, or to an outdoor brunch spot, and that’s another thing he finds appealing about it.
For other men—the tradcon men of Twitter, for example—athleisure is a man-repellent outfit. Or so they claim, anyway. My husband sees athleisure and sees an active, fun, down to Earth MILF. Some conservative men see athleisure as the embodiment of “everything wrong with Western women.” It’s too casual, it’s immodest, it’s TOO flattering (some men complain that because it can suck in tummy fat, it’s a form of insidious woke body-acceptance wizardry concocted by vaccinated nonbinary DEI officers.) Instead of the positive connotation my husband has, they associate athleisure with their worst nemeses: WFH entry level account managers at Google with their $15 matcha lattes, morning routine starting with meditation at 5 AM and a smoothie bowl, and “Day in the Life” TikToks. *cue horrified screams*
Men in this latter category might say they don’t care what a woman wears, but they actually do. They will likely prefer “modest” attire that isn’t actually that modest. Examples would be long or midi length dresses that still cling to a woman’s shape, or linen cottagecore numbers that still display some cleavage. Perhaps some men actually like true Modesty with a capital M—meaning loose, full-coverage clothing that doesn’t showcase a woman’s figure at all—however, I haven’t seen a lot of that outside of very religious people.
Also, some men might dislike athleisure and modest cottagecore numbers because neither is revealing enough. In fact, more than one man referred to the pink bike shorts set as “frumpy” and “Grandma attire.” (Remember when I said no man would actually want you to show up to a coffee date nude? I take that back. Some men might.)
At this point you might be tempted to say “All you’ve proven is that every man likes something different” and yes, that’s somewhat true, but assuming you were a single woman looking to attract a man (or repel one, for that matter) you could probably abide by these guidelines:
Disclaimer: I want to point out that men aren’t (or most aren’t, anyway) rejecting anyone for not adhering to their absolute fantasy aesthetic. This article is about that fantasy—casting the widest net possible to attract (or repel!) your average man, not about meeting some bare minimum requirement.
1.) Form fitting clothes- Even men who say they like modest clothes still like form fitting clothes, just in a less obvious way. Clothes that show your shape will attract men more than clothes that don’t. Men typically have a limit where they consider clothes to be too revealing, and this thresshold will be a bit different for everyone. This isn’t meant to be slut-shaming any more than saying most women are not attracted to men in fishnet tank tops and banana hammocks because it feels like they’re doing too much.
Despite men typically gravitating toward form fitting clothes, they are more nuanced than “want to see boob and butt.” A lot of men can appreciate clothing that shows the general shape of the body, but balances fitted and loose elements. Take for example this gorgeous style:
2.) Standing out- This is a spectrum. There are some clothes that very much blend in- think Ann Taylor LOFT shift dresses, dark wash jeans and a navy cotton sweater, Land’s End one piece bathing suits. These clothes will neither repel nor attract men for the most part, unless they happen to be very form-fitting (think tight jeans and a black tank top- although in a sea of identical getups, this one might not stand out. atall). Then there are clothes that stand out a lot—think high fashion, experimental, weird stuff. Clowncore, Gorpcore, etc. Extreme examples: Heidi Klum’s worm costume or Lady Gaga’s meat dress. This stuff will actively repel most men (perhaps intentionally- or perhaps the wearer simply doesn’t care either way.) Then consider the middle ground: clothes that stand out, but don’t seem “weird.” This could include a red cocktail dress with an interesting cut, a colorful patterned co-ord or even a fun graphic tee. This middle ground is what casts the widest net to attract men. Of course, men that are active in specific subcultures might prefer the weird stuff, provided it aligns with their subculture (think Goth, rockabilly, etc.)
There is also the issue of trends. If a “statement piece” is being worn by every single girl at the bar, wearing it will not make you stand out. Granted, I’ve been told that nobody meets in public anymore, so perhaps this advice is as old-fashioned as suggesting a particular brand of petticoat for a butter churning date, but it might. be worth it to not follow certain trends. In 2016, I remember every girl at every bar was dressed like this (this is my drawing:)
It’s a cute look, but if. I were actively trying to make an impression and stand out I would opt for something other than this. Today, the equivalent attire seems to be straight leg or loose light wash jeans, white sneakers and a black tank top or crop top. Cute, versatile, yes…but it does not set you apart. Of course, feel free to regard this, but sometimes it helps to be just a little “not like other girls.”
3.) Generational appeal- Someone on Twitter mentioned to me that most men solidify their opinions about women’s clothes in their teen years, and continue to find that style attractive forever. Interestingly, that means Y2K fashion would probably appeal to older millennial men and younger Gen Z men. Does this mean Gen X men would enjoy a good grunge-inspired fit? I don’t know. It’s worth thinking about. I also think that the “emo girl” attire left a mark on many millennial men, who still like skinny jeans, side-swept bangs, and checkered Vans no matter what the fashion trends dictate. Thanks, Boxxxy.
4.) Subcultural appeal- Most men don’t identify as being part of a specific subculture, but everyone more or less is, especially in our world of hyper-polarization. Republicans who might have once applauded a cute blonde girl in a beer commercial wearing low-rise jean shorts, cowboy boots and a tight white tank top have been replaced by the new right-wingers who find such an outfit indicative of “degeneracy.” Meanwhile, ultra-retro fit-and-flare styles that once might have been right-wing-coded are now ironically left-wing coded, associated with things like nose piercings and tattoos. The over-the-top coquette pink bow aesthetic is something I am quicker to associate with leftists than conservatives, despite the fact that it is hyper-feminine.
Now, I would be remiss if I did not dedicate a portion of this article to the notorious “sun dress” phenomenon, in which men from all walks of life will insist that their favorite attire is a “sun dress” while also being more or less incapable of describing what that is. I asked my husband and he told me he doesn’t like dresses at all, sun or otherwise. However, it’s clearly a phenomenon everyone has noticed.
When I googled “sundresses” I actually got some results that I do not think men would go nuts for, despite the fact that the below image was used for an article about clothes that men specifically find attractive:
Now, all of these women look lovely, so I’m not criticizing them at all, but I can think of several reasons these are probably not the sun dresses men are referring to (while they might not be wearing clothes with men in mind, these images are being used an example of that strategy in the article I linked.) For one, the first two dresses have unremarkable colors. The third has a somewhat vibrant pattern, but an unremarkable fit. The first dress is probably the closest to what I think most men are talking about when they talk about sun dresses, which I think is actually this:
Obviously, this dress walked right out of 2014. But my point stands: vibrant color. Showcases the lines of the body. Stands out but isn’t weird. This is a prime man-attracting dress.
Stepping back and taking this all less literally, I think the obsession with sun dresses in particular (as opposed to something like, say, cocktail dresses) is purely emotional and not based on the actual appeal of the dress itself. Sun dresses are nostalgic, and they remind us of the last day of school, camp dances, and summer parties of our youth. There’s no good reason why a sun dresses would provoke more excitement than a party dress, or wedding guest dress, both of which could achieve all the same basic aims (or even look nearly identical to a sun dress.) So much for being the “rational sex.” Nobody is immune to nostalgia.
While I don’t want to get too corny and invoke the universal “wear what you want” disclaimer (what’s the alternative? Am I going to threaten to show up at your house with a mint green sun dress and Jeffrey Campbell Lita boots?) I do want to point out that “wearing what you want” is actually a fairly viable strategy for appearing attractive. If you are Goth, wearing bright pink athleisure will not be your taste, and will not attract men that are your taste (presumably, other Goths.) If you simply want to cast the widest net to attract the largest swath of men possible, everything in this article should be doable. But if you want to narrow the field to a specific type of man—one similar to you or who shares your interests and values—staying as true as possible to your personal style (even if that style is not a man-attracting aesthetic) is the way to go.
And hey, if you manage to wear stuff like this and a man still asks you out, you know he’s really into you: