Which Clothes Actually Repel and Attract Men?

Parsing athleisure, cottagecore and the infamous "sun dress."

Many years ago, before I was banned from Reddit, I started a conversation about what your husband or boyfriend would pick for you if he could pick your outfits. The answers were, frankly, disappointing. They either said “He’d want me to be naked” or “Who the fuck cares, if he expressed any opinion about my clothing I’d dump him!”

I think men are more nuanced than that. Your average man might love the sight of a naked woman’s body, but that doesn’t mean he wants you to join him for a coffee date coochie-first, with nary a merkin to separate your labia from the frigid AC breeze. I also think that despite all the macho posturing about being dumb red-blooded gorillas who don’t know what a skirt is, most men actually do prefer some outfits to others.

I became extremely curious about what clothes men like or don’t like, aware that this would vary from man to man. I was already in a relationship (with a man who would later be my husband) so this wasn’t driven by a desire to attract men. I was just fascinated by the topic and it became one of my many useless special interests. I asked my boyfriend to pick my outfit every day for a week with the understanding that I would wear it as long as it was weather and occasion appropriate. What he picked was lots of light blue and white, jumpsuits, high-waisted skinny jeans (it was the early 2010s) crop tops (including boxy ones), lace, athletic clothes, and sneakers. What was surprisingly missing? Bodycon mini dresses or heels- of which I had many!

But alas, not all men are my husband (in fact, the vast majority of men are not.) Recently on Twitter I posted that despite what you might hear, your average man prefers a somewhat revealing athleisure set to lingerie. Of course, I am biased because my husband feels this way but I still think I’m onto something.

Things got pretty heated. A great deal of men agreed (I’d say the majority, but these are the men who chose to follow me which weeds out certain sub-phyla of men who might disagree.) I realized that this was a polarizing statement because athleisure is, to some men, repellent for the same reasons it’s incredibly sexy to others.

Now, certain women reading this are probably thinking “Who the fuck cares? I wear whatever the fuck I want, and I don’t care what men think!” To them, I say: why did. you click on this article, thank you for stepping out of the time machine from the year 2015, I hope you are enjoying your daily Jezebel article, and don’t worry, you can wear whatever you want. I’m merely curious about exploring the phenomenon of man repeller/attracter clothing as a phenomenon, not in being prescriptive to all women (although later in the article I will offer purely optional guidelines). It’s perfectly fine not to care at all, or to actively try to repel men. There are many men worth repelling!

Side note: the term “Man Repeller” was coined by Leandra Madine, who wrote a book on this topic and more or less created a brand by the same name. However, I feel the need to point out that the outfit she’s wearing on the cover is not only NOT a man repeller outfit, but is an outfit that my husband would probably pick out for me. The below image is a better example of her true man repeller style:

Anyway, athleisure. My husband is a big fan of it for a few reasons: it’s usually brightly-colored (he’s a fan of color), it’s form-fitting, and because he’s very into fitness, the connotation is positive. Plus, it’s not “too much,” which is how he feels about things like skintight mini dresses, short-shorts and G-strings. One could wear athleisure with their kids, or to an outdoor brunch spot, and that’s another thing he finds appealing about it.

For other men—the tradcon men of Twitter, for example—athleisure is a man-repellent outfit. Or so they claim, anyway. My husband sees athleisure and sees an active, fun, down to Earth MILF. Some conservative men see athleisure as the embodiment of “everything wrong with Western women.” It’s too casual, it’s immodest, it’s TOO flattering (some men complain that because it can suck in tummy fat, it’s a form of insidious woke body-acceptance wizardry concocted by vaccinated nonbinary DEI officers.) Instead of the positive connotation my husband has, they associate athleisure with their worst nemeses: WFH entry level account managers at Google with their $15 matcha lattes, morning routine starting with meditation at 5 AM and a smoothie bowl, and “Day in the Life” TikToks. *cue horrified screams*

Men in this latter category might say they don’t care what a woman wears, but they actually do. They will likely prefer “modest” attire that isn’t actually that modest. Examples would be long or midi length dresses that still cling to a woman’s shape, or linen cottagecore numbers that still display some cleavage. Perhaps some men actually like true Modesty with a capital M—meaning loose, full-coverage clothing that doesn’t showcase a woman’s figure at all—however, I haven’t seen a lot of that outside of very religious people.

Also, some men might dislike athleisure and modest cottagecore numbers because neither is revealing enough. In fact, more than one man referred to the pink bike shorts set as “frumpy” and “Grandma attire.” (Remember when I said no man would actually want you to show up to a coffee date nude? I take that back. Some men might.)

At this point you might be tempted to say “All you’ve proven is that every man likes something different” and yes, that’s somewhat true, but assuming you were a single woman looking to attract a man (or repel one, for that matter) you could probably abide by these guidelines:

Disclaimer: I want to point out that men aren’t (or most aren’t, anyway) rejecting anyone for not adhering to their absolute fantasy aesthetic. This article is about that fantasy—casting the widest net possible to attract (or repel!) your average man, not about meeting some bare minimum requirement.