What Women (and Men!) Really Want for Valentine's Day

From sex to chocolates, I surveyed over 1,300 people about what they really want for Valentine's Day. Here are the results- and a bonus mini gift guide!

One funny thing that happens when you’re a Big Account is sometimes you tweet out something boring, more or less as a joke, thinking it’ll go nowhere, and it turns out to be a banger viral tweet that also gets blown way out of proportion:

So, this tweet actually was true, but it amounted to a mild chuckle between me and my husband, and we continued on with our day. We are now planning a more elaborate Valentine’s Day weekend, where I surprise him on one day, and he surprises me on the other day, instead of doing a regular date night the weekend before Valentine’s Day to beat the crowds. Boring lesson learned: communication is good!

Unfortunately, the wackos of Twitter either used this tweet as a jumping point to inform me that they could never imagine being this miserable for 16 years, tell me how unhealthy my marriage is, or to blast their opinions about how “women are so dishonest.” Oh no, I told a white lie to make life easier for him and never held it against him!

I do feel I should explain (briefly) why I ran this long con. Of course, part of it was wanting to seem like a laid back “cool girl” but it’s also because on our very first Valentine’s Day weekend, his car was broken into, and all the romantic stuff he wanted to do the next day was derailed because he had to get his car window fixed. At the time, I assured him I “didn’t care that much” so he wouldn’t feel bad. However, after sixteen years, just today, he confessed to me that he actually didn’t have anything planned and he had used the broken car window as an excuse. So I suppose we deserve each other more than I thought.

Anyway, I was curious to see how many people were harboring secret Valentine’s Day preferences—not just whether they lied about how much they cared, but what if they’ve claimed they’d be “fine with anything” when they actually hate flowers and really want a full body massage? What if they see it as a spicy sexual holiday, not a cozy romcom and chocolates holiday? So over 1,300 people anonymously responded to my survey to share what they actually wanted for Valentine’s Day.

Of course, I know what everyone really wants: a CHH subscription! Who doesn’t want comedic, thought-provoking articles about all forms of social dynamics, from friendship, to sex, to dating, to marriage, to parenting? Not to mention, I’m a big fan of monogamy, so I can assure you I’ll never write anything that will encourage your partner to start sexting with RFK Jr. or anything like that. And if you want to send your partner a hint that you’re tired of waiting for them to propose, let’s just say I write about that plenty.

Anyway, my Valentine’s Day study will examine:

• What do people want for Valentine’s Day if they’ve only been with their partner a few months, versus if they’re married with kids?

• What’s the ideal amount of money to spend on a Valentine’s Day present, depending on relationship length and gender of your partner?

• What are the best ways to celebrate Valentine’s Day without spending any money?

• Should you believe your wife when she says Valentine’s Day isn’t a big deal?

• Do people want to spice things up sexually for the holiday, or keep the usual sexual routine?

• What are the actual items you should buy for your partner for Valentine’s Day, provided they want a gift? (a mini gift guide!)

Let’s jump into it!