What if I'm Autistic, But My Special Interest is Socializing?

People keep asking if I'm autistic. It's hard to say when screenings assume autistic people are never social.

The question I get asked more than literally anything else is, “Are you sure you’re not autistic?” Sometimes I’m like, “No, I don’t think I am.” Other times I’m like, “Why would you ask me that? All I did was order seared salmon with brown butter sauce.”

I don’t think I’m autistic. I’d say there’s maybe a 25% chance that I’m autistic. A few reasons why I don’t think I’m autistic:

• I was professionally evaluated multiple times as a child and teen, and diagnosed with ADHD and OCD, but not autism (although perhaps it’s telling that I needed to be evaluated so many times.)

• I have since done self-evaluations online, and not tested even remotely close to being on the spectrum.

Reasons that I’m more likely to be autistic than your average person:

• I’ve struggled with social cues, and I have a sensory processing disorder, ADHD and OCD, all of which correlate strongly with autism.

• Other people in my family, while not formally diagnosed with autism, also fall into the “maybe had autism” category, for similar reasons.

• Everyone is constantly asking me if I’m autistic, and sometimes they just assume I am.

I’ve reached a point in my life where I just…don’t think it matters. I see a therapist because my OCD is a problem, and perhaps it’s all related (people are keen to remind me that my OCD and ADHD do not rule out autism, they lend credence to the idea that I am autistic) but I don’t know what treatment I would need at this point for whatever mild autism I may have. I already taught myself social cues. And a good proportion of my friends are like me, whatever that means, so they’re cool with me being the way I am. In fact, many of my closest loved ones (including my husband) are also frequently asked if they’re autistic, or actually are.

I was initially afraid to write this at all, because I don’t want to do autism stolen valor. I have friends whose children or relatives have Level 3 autism, and it feels absurd to put myself in the same category. So just to be clear, I’m not doing that. If I have autism, it’s so mild (sorry if “mild” is not the correct term here- I’m aware autism is not a covid variant) that it doesn’t even really warrant a diagnosis at all. I don’t think my life would change much if I had one. But since people constantly ask me if I’m autistic (some even refer to me as autistic as if it’s accepted canon) I felt like this was worth writing.

Anyway, I’ve noticed that autism assessments, either DIY or professional, tend to rule out autism if you show interest in socialization, parties, or anything else that an extrovert would like. While women tend to be diagnosed later in life than men, a key defining feature of high-functioning autism in women (at least according to assessments) is being uninterested in fashion, makeup or grooming.

But what if those things are my special interests?