What Happens to People Who Ask Reddit for Relationship Advice?

I surveyed 100 people to see what happened after they asked Reddit to help them with social conflicts.

Between overstepping mother-in-laws, clueless husbands, catty best friends and creepy coworkers, Reddit has become a hub for relationship advice. It’s not hard to see why—you can post anonymously and instantly reach thousands of people who will (for free!) provide insight into your situation. Sure, some of them might be teenagers or trolls, but at least you can source a variety of responses. Most importantly, these people don’t know you or the person with whom you’re having conflict, and if you change a few identifying details, you can be fairly certain that your issue will remain reasonably private.

I’ve asked Reddit for relationship advice before, many times, about many different people, always on throwaway usernames. The instance that sticks in my head the most was when I asked Reddit about a female friend of mine who was angry that I left her party early because my husband was having a terrible time. Perhaps subconsciously, I wanted Reddit to validate my belief that my friend was being unreasonable (we had been at the party for a while by the time we left) but instead, I was hit with the good old “you need to leave your abusive husband” reply. Apparently, my husband (we had been together for 7 years or so) was “isolating me from my friends” as part of a long game strategy to become physically abusive. When I denied he was abusing me, they turned on me for my ignorance, yelled at me for “enabling” his abuse, and I became the villain of the story for “allowing” myself to be abused.

This interaction felt so typical of Reddit. I had posted something primarily to complain and get validation, the Reddit hivemind had sought out a villain, it wasn’t the villain I thought it would be, and then because I failed to agree with them, I became the villain. In this case, I didn’t take Reddit’s advice to leave my husband, but I did take Reddit’s advice when I was dealing with a different interpersonal conflict, with my best friend at the time. I wrote about our conflict in a different piece, but basically, my lack of involvement in my best friend’s startup (and her expectation that I be more supportive) had made both of us resentful. This friendship probably wasn’t destined to last forever, but Reddit’s advice was a bit extreme. They believed she was—you guessed it—emotionally abusing me, and I should ghost her. Unfortunately, I took their advice. I didn’t completely ghost her (I never blocked her) but because I was too afraid to tell her why I wanted to end our friendship, I simply moved to another state and never told her (not my finest moment.)

Anyway, I wanted to understand if my experiences were universal. What if I’m just a particularly dishonest OP and if I had been more even-handed in my descriptions, I would have gotten good advice? Or what if Reddit really is a toxic dogpile that always needs a scapegoat, and frequently blames the wrong person? I surveyed 100 people who asked for relationship advice on Reddit to find out.