"The Male Gaze" Was Never About Wanting a Boyfriend
Trying to attract a partner is a normal part of any sexuality, but "the male gaze" has become a subject of anxiety and debate.
I’ve noticed something a bit weird about participating in your own heterosexuality as a woman: openly admitting you want a partner, and doing things to your appearance with the intention of attracting a partner (while being honest about your motivations) is not received very well. By anyone.
And yes, I know, straight people are not oppressed, discriminated against, or subject to “anti-straight” violence, and no, the existence of the gay purple Tellytubby doesn’t count (that reference, I fear, falls into the “too late” category). Yes, there will be a handful of radical gender separatist feminists who ask why straight women cannot simply “stop dating men,” as one could boycott a problematic retailer, but this is obviously a niche worldview that does not equate to systemic discrimination. Even within the most lefty enclaves of Portland and Brooklyn, just being a heterosexual woman isn’t a shameful thing.
Nobody is criticizing women for being straight, but people are disproportionately criticizing and analyzing straight women for the particular ways in which they “do” their straightness, particularly the degree of effort they expend on it—not just among wacky far-left college students, but among the normies and conservatives as well, just with different languages and words. The bipartisan message we receive: straight women can be attractive—in fact, it’s great if they are—but they shouldn’t have to try, and it should never be explicitly for men. (But men? Yeah, go ahead and talk about how you work out for the ladies, it’s fine.)
Look no further than the widely-inaccurately-used term “male gaze,” which has come to be short hand for “striving to look attractive to straight men” (and yes, I am also guilty of using it incorrectly despite knowing better! Listening and learning.) The term was originally an academic concept to describe media, but has become an undue burden on straight women to avoid one of the most fundamental and normal parts of any sexual orientation: trying to attract desired partners.
Apparently, women are not the only ones warned about “pandering to the male gaze” (aka, openly trying to look more attractive). With the new definition of “looking good in a way men like,” even looksmaxxing influencer Clavicular—according to The New York Times—is pandering to the male gaze. And to its credit, Cosmo (which, yes, still exists!) has picked up on how the “male gaze” as a term is now being used, ironically, to police women’s behavior more than anyone else’s.
