The Loneliness Epidemic is Our Revealed Preference

We're all trying to find the guy who did this.

We’re all trying to find the guy who stopped throwing parties

Whether you’re on the Right or Left, gay, straight, a man, woman, or Biden’s mysterious third (and potentially fourth or beyond) gender, you probably agree with the statement that people are lonelier than they used to be.

Certain straight men tend to view this as a crisis unique to them and driven by women’s unreasonable standards. Meanwhile, certain straight women will say the crisis has more to do with modern men failing to act like anything remotely humanoid. But the loneliness crisis goes far beyond the dating life of young single straight people. Gay men, lesbian women, and other LGBTQ people report even higher levels of loneliness than straight people. Even parents report high levels of loneliness, despite spending more time with their children than parents of decades past. Kids have fewer friends. Teens aren’t dating. And everyone is partying less.

Whatever your pet gender war issue may be, it’s fairly obvious that the loneliness epidemic isn’t about that one thing (Fine, I concede the loneliness epidemic is unrelated to unleashed pit bulls at playgrounds). It’s something bigger, and it’s affecting all demographics. Yes, it’s “the phones” but that only scratches the surface. The phones are a problem for a reason. As they say, phones don’t cause loneliness—people with phones cause loneliness.

It’s not purely covid either. This stuff was brewing for a while, long before covid. And unlike some other challenges we face as a society, which can be legislated away or at least reduced with some degree of policy change, loneliness doesn’t have a clear solution—because we chose it ourselves, and we continue to choose it every day.