Substack Isn't a Get Rich Quick Scheme

And why "Onlyfans for Intellectuals" is true in more ways than one

Photo by Christin Hume on Unsplash

I’m offering 30% off annual subscriptions through 4th of July weekend! Enjoy 5-7 pieces of content per week about all types of social dynamics, from sex and dating to marriage and parenting—oh, and the occasional fashion or political thing. This will only apply to people becoming paid subscribers for the first time now, not people who are switching from monthly to annual.

To get something out of the way that might make me look like a hypocrite: I love Substack. And I have reasons to love it! Writing about social dynamics—something I’ve always seen as a fun guilty pleasure—is now my job. I’m officially the #1 Humor bestseller (yes, I am plainly bragging, although I’m dreading the day someone like Ali Wong starts a Substack and screws me over.) I’ve defended Substack’s pricing model and even wrote a three-part series on how Substack helped me achieve my lifelong goal of being a full-time writer. When people criticize Substack, especially over things like “why isn’t everything free or cheap” or “why isn’t anyone reading my obscure Russian folklore haiku Substack that I update once every financial quarter” I am always there to defend it.

But I think some people have gotten the wrong idea about this platform, and writers like me, who share our inspirational success stories, might be partially to blame.

I’ve never publicly shared my income from Substack, and I don’t plan to, but obviously if I’m doing it full-time, it’s more than chump change. Let me put it this way: we’re not worried about how we’ll pay our mortgage, but I still think twice before ordering iced tea at a restaurant instead of water. Anyway, I’m very happy with the money I make from Substack and I’ve been very clear about that. There are other Substackers who make much more than I do—into the seven figures, even. When you see crazy numbers like that, it’s easy to think there’s some massive Substack gold rush happening and you need to jump on it while the cash is flowing. Recently, a writer went viral on Twitter for sharing a screenshot of the apparent $17,000 in additional annual revenue that she gained from writing one travel article. The comments were predictable: a bunch of people saying, “Wow, why didn’t I start a Substack earlier? Clearly that’s where all the cash is!”

Look, for 99.9% of people, writing is not where any cash is. Don’t get me wrong—if you want to start a Substack because it would be fun, even if you have no experience, you should definitely do that. But if you’re writing solely to get rich, you should probably stop, because you’re more likely to get rich doing almost anything else. If a Substack article makes an additional $17,000 in annual revenue, it’s either an extremely viral article (not common) or written by someone who already has a massive following. I didn’t read the travel article in question, so maybe it was really good. But showcasing the revenue impact—while impressive!—gave people the idea that if they only started a Substack, they’d get in on the gravy train.

People joke that Substack is “Onlyfans for intellectuals,” or less charitably, “Onlyfans for ugly people.” (I’m deeply offended by these comments—how dare anyone assume I’m an intellectual.) Initially, I disregarded the Onlyfans comparison as a weak one based around the fact that both platforms have subscription models. But it’s apt in a way I hadn’t considered: the people who make a lot of money on these platforms make it look really easy, and lead a lot of other people to believe that if only they created an account and put in the bare minimum of work, they’d also get rich fast.