Ranking my Holiday Outfits, from Age 5 to 35

2009 was obviously my low point.

As we get closer and closer to Christmas, I thought I would do something fun: take a walk down memory lane and rank all of the holiday outfits I’ve ever worn (or at least the ones that were photographed.)

Also, take advantage of my 25% off annual subscriptions sale, now through 12/26!

1994

Sorry to jump the gun before the list really begins, but this was obviously my best holiday outfit ever. *Stefon SNL voice* this outfit has everything…millennial green velvet, mother-daughter coordination, my little brother in the form of a fetus, and…Molly the American Girl Doll in a third matching dress? 5000/10.

1996

I served major Hanna Andersson realness this year in my ultra-puffy purple floral snowsuit. My mom even managed to match my hat and boots to the colors of the flowers, which was a nice sartorial move on her part. 8/10 for comfort and aesthetics. Also, every time you’re mean to me online, you’re being mean to THIS:

I also wore this really cute pair of pajamas for Christmas morning: pastel pink gingham with red trim and embroidery. Also my mom’s selection, but cute nonetheless. So CHH-coded, honestly. 9/10.

1998

Ah, back in more innocent days before the beautiful, beautiful rainbow was stolen by WOKE GENDER IDEOLOGY. Anyway, I was in my Austin Powers era, and feeling groovy, baby so for Christmas I wore this rainbow sweater with some black velvet pants. I’m 99% sure it was from Limited Too. A cute look, but not really Christmasy, if I’m being honest. 7/10.

1999

You know how most people say their awkward phase was in middle school? Well, mine was when I was about 9 or 10. Inexplicably, I went from looking like a cute little girl to Robert DeNiro, for the span of about two years, and this was maybe the worst photo ever taken of me. You can’t see it in the photo, but I also had some recent oral surgery and basically had four visible teeth, so I exclusively smiled with my mouth closed.