45 Comments
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MTH's avatar

Your Trump impression has to be 99th percentile and many people are saying it’s the best female impression

I’ve started doing it in my own head, it’s like, virally good

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MTH's avatar

Many people are saying that Gavin Newsom’s comms team took inspiration from CHH

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breanna's avatar

Every time she does the sniffle it ENDS me 😭 it’s so good

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Sean's avatar

She really gets the ridiculous, random stream of consciousness. “Pilates”—> “Pontus Pilate” is spot on

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MTH's avatar

It was at that exact point (actually the sniff after Pontius Pilate) that I made my comment

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Cian's avatar

We love the Trump impression here, don't we folks? Nobody heard of Trump impressions before CHH started doing them, but now a lot of smart people are saying it's on of the greatest things they've seen on Substack, possibly ever.

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RMK's avatar

Ok I'm not a fashion expert but chain mail wimple made of carabiners seems like the logical move here? Do they sell bubble gum pink carabiners?

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Soparnik's avatar

They do sell them, but it will be a fashion one for keys, not a load bearing one.

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Pam B's avatar
3dEdited

Yes, I've got a hot pink key caribiner from Dollar Tree that I have been known to clip onto a handbag or tote.

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Imajication's avatar

I can’t imagine there’s not a semi-ironic market for girly-girl hot pink, function, real mountain climbing carabiners

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Ananda Gupta's avatar

I mean, if they don't sell them, seems like one of the clearest DIY wins ever to grace this substack

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jeffkahrs's avatar

Small Chester Mom talking about Vapid consumption should be your subhead

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David Roberts's avatar

The secular wimple/Elenor Rigby is perfect!

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Jacob Bartlett's avatar

Poncious Pilates holy goddamn that’s worth the subscription fee alone

Surprised you didn’t mention the possibly legit Elizabeth Holmes’s Twitter comeback from prison

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Alex's avatar

Secular wimple is like the apotheosis of a tendency in liberal/leftist spaces to adopt hijabs as empty signifiers rather than actual artifacts of history and culture (see: the Google art solo-poly hijabi amputee).

It's the mirror image anime Nazis posting marble statues, paeans to the life of a smol bean dirt farmer under feudalism, and 1950s consumerist advertising slop.

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Kirby's avatar

I want to be part of another culture.

Wait no not like that.

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Alex S's avatar
2dEdited

The earlier iterations of these were "Black and Brown bodies" and "black trans sex workers".

For a while academia had a system where you won arguments by naming more minor minorities than the other party, and it kind of worked online for a while, but I think everyone stopped caring.

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ProfessorChessDad's avatar

Those guys wish they could get with a woman like the one at the start of the article, or that she would even look at them.

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Eric Goodemote's avatar

Most straight boys come down from the "No Girls Allowed" treehouse around puberty because we realize there's more fun to be had outside of it than inside of it. Some, however, prefer to stay there, seething with rage at hot women on the Internet who they don't know and will never meet, for doing things like "wearing clothing" or "drinking beverages".

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Howard's avatar

I at least want them to have to list a couple of women they consider perfect 10s. They go around saying Sidney Sweeney is Mid, well SOMEONE has to be at the top of the scale.

I mean, I bet the 10s they are thinking of are anime girls, but I would like it confirmed.

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Cian's avatar

There's a sort of empowerment cope in pretending these women who would never look twice at them are easy targets but far beneath them. Tbf it's not exclusive to this, there's all kinds of situations where people have some variation on "oh yeah, I could have achieved that outstanding thing easily, if only I was interested/the whole thing wasn't rigged against me". Could be becoming a pro athlete, graduating from a top university, founding a global company, being a physicist (weirdly common one for tech billionaires), being a famous musician etc. It's just that this one is particularly misogynistic and incel-ish.

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Eric Goodemote's avatar

I love how the comments rating women out of 10 never show the commenters' faces. We really need to bring this meme back: https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/210-would-not-bang

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Soparnik's avatar

I have appropriated carabiner for keys (didn't know it was a lesbian thing when I did it, just saw somebody doing it and copied it), it's an ingenious thing, I've got home keys, motorcycle keys, boat keys, car keys, and I never need all at the same time, and a carabiner makes it easy to add and remove key rings as needed.

Also I have had several situations where I needed to attach something, and now I had a carabiner with me.

Would recommend, everybody should be keeping their keys on a carabiner.

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Sharty's avatar

I suspect, but cannot immediately prove, that hanging a big weight (i.e., all of your non-car keys) from your ignition tends to more rapidly wear out the mechanism of the latter as you ride the bumps and lumps of the road. So I always unclip my car key from the carabiner before heading out.

Although now I've come out as an economic also-ran for still driving an older car that you crank by turning the key. Sad.

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Soparnik's avatar

It does, which is why I only do it on the motorcycle where the ignition is nearly horizontal.

Also I use a proper stainless steel carabiner, so the carabiner is heavier than any keys I might carry at one time keys put together.

> Although now I've come out as an economic also-ran for still driving an older car that you crank by turning the key. Sad.

I wish modern vehicles came with regular key ignitions. Anything operating on radio waves is prone to relay attacks.

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GuyInPlace's avatar

It was also a dirtbag middle school boy thing around 1995.

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Tarryn's avatar

I don't think this applies to having a carabiner for keys that you keep in your bag or something, but rather to clipping one onto one's person (with or without keys) as an accessory aka lesbian bat signal.

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Soparnik's avatar

I use it occasionally to attach keys to my belt too.

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Tom Hitchner's avatar

I busted up at “WELL WE’RE DEAD”

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The Cultural Romantic's avatar

My fellow swifties on twt were losing it that Taylor untagged herself from that tweet 😭😭😭

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Toiler On the Sea's avatar

The secular wimple folks have to be performance artists of the highest caliber.

I have an image of Vance walking into a hospital room where Trump is staying, telling the nurse he needs some privacy, and the second the door is closed his eyes turn red and Donald screams "Nnnooooooo! Not him!!!!"

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Tarryn's avatar

much as I hate AI, this could be a worthy task for Grok... 👀

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James's avatar

Wow, Maddox is someone I have t thought about in a long long time. And shockingly his website is still around.

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LarryBirdsMoustache's avatar

I think ForthWorthPlayboy is reciting the script of one of the movies he watches

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Mara U.'s avatar

2010s: “Christian stretching based on yoga”

2020s: “Hijab-inspired secular accessorization”

Re: Gaylors: I’m not beyond being convinced that some celebrities are secretly gay. (Leo-and-Lukas theory available on request.) But DAMN, think of the effort a closeted Taylor Swift would be putting into a heterosexual facade! All those lyrics in all those songs that are clearly about specific men, when she could just spend several years publicly dating a closeted gay guy before announcing that they’ve “drifted apart.” (And after that, who has time to date when she’s on such extensive tours?) Nobody works THAT hard at being in the closet.

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Spencer's avatar

“We're a home for liberalism, but we don't shy away from our principles or from debating and defending them across the ideological spectrum.”

Yesterday I spent 4 hours visiting a libertarian philosopher (author of multiple books on libertarianism and former lecturer at LSE). He said that liberalism is rarely if ever explained in a coherent manner such that its principles can be derived/stated.

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