Many Such Takes: Porn Brain Rot, Child-Free Weddings, Natural Aristocrat and More

The most unhinged discourse of the week, always free

Welcome to Many Such Takes, my occasional (monthly? bimonthly?) roundup of Internet drama, funny tweets, and current events too obscure (and in some cases, stupid) to put on the news.

Surveys to Take

This week, I’d like you to fill out my super short anonymous sex survey mostly focused on hypotheticals (no experience required.)

Porn Brain Rot

A viral tweet this week suggests that men have unrealistic standards in the bedroom (both for sex acts and for physical attributes) because they watch too much porn:

Funny enough, most people’s disagreement with this tweet was over the “vanilla” comment, for two reasons: A.) a lack of kink makes sex vanilla, and vanilla is not some kind of slur and B.) if anyone wants sex to be kinkier (at least in the BDSM way) it’s typically women. (I actually have statistics and an entire article on this coming soon.)

I agree that vanilla is not said as a negative, but I will direct you to my comic from 2019 which addresses the kink gatekeeping phenomenon:

I maintain “vanilla” is not nauseating! “Poop-flavored” is nauseating! Vanilla is delicious!

Then we got this response, which I suppose amounts to, “men are choking women in bed because America bad and malls bad.”

And finally, some sanity:

Child-Free Weddings

It’s been a while since we had some normal wedding drama on Twitter. This drama started with a pretty standard anti-child-free wedding tweet about how the point of a wedding is actually not to celebrate the bride and groom, but to entertain children. Bitch this is my wedding, not a Blippey episode!

This is the part where I confirm I am a parent, I have had to miss friends’ weddings because my kids weren’t invited, and I was slightly disappointed but not offended, nor did I demand that my friends have weddings to “bring joy to my children.” For one, these weddings would need to involve a lot more Elmo to be worth it.

Most people pointed out that their child-free weddings were mostly about venue capacity and not a hatred for children:

But wait—there’s more!!!! Forget “child-free weddings are unfair to parents,” and present “nobody should attend weddings for people who are already living together and don’t want kids.”

Look, plenty of changes will occur! For one, the ol’ ball and chain will suddenly have a “headache” all the time! HEUH HEUH HUEH

In case you thought the OP was the weirdest take in this drama, presenting, this person, who does not want to give wedding gifts to anyone who owns an espresso machine:

Age Gaps (Again)

Can even a day go by on Twitter without age gap discourse? This week, we have a brand new taboo age gap: 31 and 38

However, I will not chalk this one up to “Twitter being crazy about age gaps” because nobody really agreed with her:

The only iffy reply I could find was this guy, who thought the 31/38 age gap was good, but in the same way people talk about 20-year-olds dating 40-year-olds. Apparently, 31-year-old men are mere children who have no idea what they want, so 31-year-old women can’t date them:

Clavicular’s Nose

When is Clavicular not a topic? After he was mogged by the hot judge, I didn’t think we’d see much of him. But now, some folks feel his looksmaxxing is spiraling into Michael Jackson territory, where his increasing use of plastic surgery is actually just making him look weird. (I’m aware some of you thought he looked weird before—but I insist he looked fine, and the only weird thing was all the stuff he was doing to look that way.)

The latest drama: Clavicular got a nose job from the famed Dr. Miami, and most fans are noting that the nose job is weird and doesn’t make him look very good:

I feel like this dialing-down of cartoonish masculinity has to mean something…recession indicator? Have people not been claiming we’ve been in a recession for at least ten years now? Maybe…a worse recession? Someone check the DoorDash delivery prices!

Some people have jumped on the “Clavicular is trans” bandwagon, to the point that she/her pronouns are already being deployed. Watch this space, monitor the situation:

Unfortunately for these theorists, there is no betting market for “Clavicularia she/her in 2027,” only whether or not he’s going to jail “for any reason.”

Watch these odds:

Part of a data partnership with Polymarket

Natural Aristocrat

For some low-stakes, entertaining Twitter slop, an account called “europemaxxed” posted a gif bemoaning the life of a young man who is meant to be an aristocrat, traveling and relaxing, but whose mom wants him to get a job:

This is one of those weird things where I can’t tell if it’s truth or satire and I suspect it’s a bit of both, plus the secret third thing: monetization bait. But I do find it refreshing that someone is openly just admitting to wanting the aristocratic life, instead of dressing it up in “homestead” fantasies. Per my old articlee:

But anyway, the responses to the gif were pretty funny:

Those responses were pretty predictable, but what I did not predict was all the people who had issues with the veneration of travel as a pastime.

Presenting, “travel is goyim coded.”

Now, you might be confused about this because no Jew would ever actually say it, but there’s this weird subset of antisemites who are also kind of self-hating philosemitic goys, in the sense that they believe there are dumb goys who play into the Jew traps (eating “goyslop,” for example) but then the smarter goys who have risen above these psyops aren’t doing goyim-coded things. I hate that I know this, but anyway.

Regrettably, Per “Gunt Destroyer,” traveling is also just for women and poors:

Funny Tweets/Other Happenings

Primo low-effort ‘90s nostalgia here, with one woman saying that nobody cared which foods were healthy in the ‘90s. My childhood “fat free sour cream” begs to differ!

WELL….is it???

Ads on Twitter going really well:

And, in case you’re off Twitter, something a bit different, foraged by one of my founding members:

In case you missed it…