Many Such Takes: Coconut Tree, Autistic Cheating, RFK's Dog, Olivia Culpo's Wedding Dress, and Sassy Trump

The most unhinged discourse of the week, always free

Welcome to Many Such Takes! I stay up to date with the latest and most chaotic Twitter discourse so you don’t have to. If you see yourself featured here and you don’t like it, simply send me a Substack message and I will happily remove, no matter who you are or what you said. Right now I generally abide by censoring usernames if the person’s ideology is something I consider dangerous, or if the person is a small or small-ish account who said something controversial and who has the potential to be overrun with too many negative comments if not kept anonymous. Generally, I do not censor large accounts or accounts who said things that I don’t think will open them up to undue criticism. This week…

Coconut Tree

Just in case you’ve been on some kind of anti-technology analog retreat in Joshua Tree for the past week or so, I’ll fill you in: Biden unfortunately bombed the debate with Trump, and it was so bad that at least for a while, it seemed fairly likely that he would be forced to drop out of the race.

First, let me just offer my opinions on the debate, not that anyone asked. I’m in agreement with the pundit class that Trump also did badly. The problem was that while Trump lied and dodged nearly every question (what else is new?) Biden actually looked and behaved as if he was on horse tranquilizer.

This led most of the Twitter left (I’m including liberals and electorally-minded leftists in this) to suddenly rally for Kamala Harris, who many of these folks had previously dismissed as unlikeable, unelectable, and “on Benzos.” God forbid a neurodivergent woman have special interests.

Anyway, the entirety of left-of-center Twitter, for about a day, went full KHive. These memes mostly surrounded two famous and inexplicable Harris proverbs. One: “You think you just fell out of a coconut tree? You exist in the context of all in which you live and what came before you.” The second: “What can be, unburdened by what has been.”

I collected some of my favorite memes and tweets from this moment of mass hysteria:

(The video she’s referencing.)

BBQ Dog Side Plot

Just in case everyone on Politics Twitter was too focused on Biden vs. Kamala, in the midst of the coconut tree hysteria there was a blip of coverage about not-serious candidate RFK Jr. purportedly eating a dog, which some sources suggest was how he contracted his infamous “brain worm.” He insists the image was actually of a goat, but some veterinarians apparently ID’d the carcass as that of a dog. We may never know the truth, but the insertion of this wacky side-story made Coconut Night feel a lot like the night Trump got Covid—pure, delicious anarchy. “Bird loose in the auditorium on substitute teacher day” vibes.

We don’t need to get too into the dog-eating accusation specifically—it’s not even the worst thing he was accused of doing that week. But it still felt like it needed to be mentioned.

Modest Wedding Dress

I wanted to provide an intro paragraph to explain what the Modest Wedding Dress discourse was about, but alas, this tweet sums it up perfectly:

After a TikTok video launched criticizing model Olivia Culpo for wearing a modest wedding dress, Evie Magazine founder Brittany Martinez (of Sundressgate fame) posted this defense of Culpo:

The TikTok video primarily took issue with Culpo saying she “didn’t want to exude sex” on her wedding and that her decision to be modest was tied to how seriously she took her marriage. Although the video was presented in a fairly irritating 2014-ish way, I agreed with that basic premise that Culpo’s comments were a bit, dare I say, “problematic.” I hadn’t known much about her before this controversy, but it sounded like a lot of people already had issues with her and her husband’s politics, and this was an opening.

Politics aside, many folks just didn’t think the dress was pretty. Others didn’t think it was anyone’s business. And several others thought the dress was pretty. Right-wing and trad Twitter jumped in to defend Culpo’s dress, and others on the right who might agree with her politics still thought the dress looked bad. All of this was compounded by the fact that she actually wore a fairly unorthodox, revealing dress for her afterparty. Overall, amusing discourse, although not quite unhinged enough to hook me.

Autistic Cheating

I actually wasn’t able to grab a screenshot of this one because OP deleted their entire account, and honestly, if the backlash upset them so much that it warranted full account deletion it’s probably best that it doesn’t live on (or at least, doesn’t live on attached to this person’s name.) However, I do feel the moral obligation to inform you all that the take “autistic people are more likely to cheat because we are incapable of reading the social cue of being in a committed relationship,” has been made. When searching for this take, I came across this old tweet from May instead, which was funny enough that I’m including it anyway:

Sassy Trump

Since 2016, Trump has been known as a politician—and if you’re a liberal like me, you might know him as a corrupt politician, a convicted felon, an authoritarian—fill in the Resist Lib blanks. However!! Some of us forget that before he was a politician, he was a reality show star. Like, it was his whole thing.

You might be thinking, “Duh, CHH. We know Trump was a reality star. Obviously.” But still—there’s something incredibly jarring, and yet tranquil, about watching Trump in his true element—being sassy on reality TV. I know that sounds contradictory; you just need to watch it to understand.

Someone posted this clip and remarked that this was the only time Trump looked truly happy. I agree:

In the clip, Trump dishes with Wendy Williams and a 32-year-old woman whose boyfriend is convinced she’s cheating on him at work. Upon discovering that this woman has been dating her boyfriend for twelve years, Trump throws out, “And why boyfriend? Why not…” And like…girl?? Yes. He counsels her to move on from this guy, and says confidently, “I’m looking at you right now…you will have no trouble getting guys.” Every girl wishes she had a BFF like that!

We didn’t realize how great we had it—Trump was truly gifted at this, and now we’re stuck with him likely becoming President again in 2024—and many people are saying, forever!

Best Tweets of the Week

• Whatever this is:

  

• This novel suggestion for the Democratic candidacy:

  

• This discovery that in Spanish, the term for “non binary” must be either female or male:

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