The "weird, parenting has been easy for me!" posts are truly incredibly obnoxious.
Like if I was telling my coworkers about how my car wouldn't start sometimes and made a weird sound, it'd be normal for someone to chime in with commiseration or like, "the same thing happened to me! Here's what fixed it!". It would be insane to chime in by saying "Weird! My car starts perfectly 100% of the time!".
I think the reason I feel an urge to say that parenting was easy for me isn't the op talking about how hard it is. It's all the people in the comments talking about how the op is more evidence that people who have kids are idiots and that being childfree is the only right decision. I find people like that insufferable. It's fun to tell them that actually kids are a ton of fun.
Our 2 year old was easy. Our five year old is not. Wonder if the changelings got her in the last three years or if we just became shitty parents. Or maybe it was having 2 younger sisters in the mean time where she doesn't get 100% of the attention anymore. People say "Just wait" because we were there.
Honestly, you're better/more patient than me, because I don't assume good intent from parents doing social media posts like that. They want to brag and they want to act like a victim when they get pushback. Just insufferable people!
thank you for these - I have been attempting to wean myself off the hellsite for my sanity as a mother/human but I long for the Discourse as children long for the mines.
As a parent who has had two incredibly easy babies through very little action of my own, I shut my mouth as much as possible about it. But then family asks how the 4 month old is sleeping, and I have to feign shame and check my privilege as I admit she sleeps all night and has since 4 weeks, as one might admit one’s private school diploma to a group of online leftists.
Yeah the nurses coming and waking my wife and our baby up several times a night during a couple nights in hospital post partum felt incredibly pointless and callous. My wife was dying of exhaustion; our baby wouldn't sleep in the bassinet; we were at risk of falling asleep and dropping him.
A mother could do all the “right things” according to smug internet moms and still find herself in a situation where she feels overwhelmed by the responsibilities of parenting. Bad things happen to good people all the time, of no fault of their own.
Your partner could lose their job (and if you’re following crunchy internet mom wisdom, you have no job either!), you or someone in your family could become seriously ill, there could be deaths in the family, your partner could randomly up and leave, your partner could abuse you and/or your children, your children could have disabilities or behavioural issues, your children might have a hard time getting along, your children could be bullied, there could be tensions within your marriage or family, there could be an unexpected financial emergency, and so on. Your child might end up with a very different personality and set of interests than you, which isn't necessarily a bad thing but frequently ends up being difficult for both the parents and the child to navigate. Wanting it to be easy doesn’t mean it will be.
I did have easy kids — well, my son never slept but neither of my kids was ever openly defiant — not as toddlers or teens. They were so easy-going. I got a look at what others deal with when my daughter birthed the cutest little strong-willed girl you’ve ever seen.
But also: YES, you want your caregivers to check you carefully after you give birth. I probably should have stuck around longer but I went home after a few hours the first time (vaginal birth) and in a day and a half after the second time (c/sec). But that was long ago when you couldn’t trust the nursing staff to follow your wishes. They’re better now.
The "weird, parenting has been easy for me!" posts are truly incredibly obnoxious.
Like if I was telling my coworkers about how my car wouldn't start sometimes and made a weird sound, it'd be normal for someone to chime in with commiseration or like, "the same thing happened to me! Here's what fixed it!". It would be insane to chime in by saying "Weird! My car starts perfectly 100% of the time!".
"My car starts perfectly 100% of the time"
"WHY when all I want to do is talk about how much I love my car, do these people show up and start bullying me??"
I think the reason I feel an urge to say that parenting was easy for me isn't the op talking about how hard it is. It's all the people in the comments talking about how the op is more evidence that people who have kids are idiots and that being childfree is the only right decision. I find people like that insufferable. It's fun to tell them that actually kids are a ton of fun.
Our 2 year old was easy. Our five year old is not. Wonder if the changelings got her in the last three years or if we just became shitty parents. Or maybe it was having 2 younger sisters in the mean time where she doesn't get 100% of the attention anymore. People say "Just wait" because we were there.
Honestly, you're better/more patient than me, because I don't assume good intent from parents doing social media posts like that. They want to brag and they want to act like a victim when they get pushback. Just insufferable people!
“ALL I SAID WAS….”
thank you for these - I have been attempting to wean myself off the hellsite for my sanity as a mother/human but I long for the Discourse as children long for the mines.
As a parent who has had two incredibly easy babies through very little action of my own, I shut my mouth as much as possible about it. But then family asks how the 4 month old is sleeping, and I have to feign shame and check my privilege as I admit she sleeps all night and has since 4 weeks, as one might admit one’s private school diploma to a group of online leftists.
Yeah the nurses coming and waking my wife and our baby up several times a night during a couple nights in hospital post partum felt incredibly pointless and callous. My wife was dying of exhaustion; our baby wouldn't sleep in the bassinet; we were at risk of falling asleep and dropping him.
A mother could do all the “right things” according to smug internet moms and still find herself in a situation where she feels overwhelmed by the responsibilities of parenting. Bad things happen to good people all the time, of no fault of their own.
Your partner could lose their job (and if you’re following crunchy internet mom wisdom, you have no job either!), you or someone in your family could become seriously ill, there could be deaths in the family, your partner could randomly up and leave, your partner could abuse you and/or your children, your children could have disabilities or behavioural issues, your children might have a hard time getting along, your children could be bullied, there could be tensions within your marriage or family, there could be an unexpected financial emergency, and so on. Your child might end up with a very different personality and set of interests than you, which isn't necessarily a bad thing but frequently ends up being difficult for both the parents and the child to navigate. Wanting it to be easy doesn’t mean it will be.
Life happens, have some compassion.
Hey, can I ask what does "crunchy" mean in regards to parenting.
I did have easy kids — well, my son never slept but neither of my kids was ever openly defiant — not as toddlers or teens. They were so easy-going. I got a look at what others deal with when my daughter birthed the cutest little strong-willed girl you’ve ever seen.
But also: YES, you want your caregivers to check you carefully after you give birth. I probably should have stuck around longer but I went home after a few hours the first time (vaginal birth) and in a day and a half after the second time (c/sec). But that was long ago when you couldn’t trust the nursing staff to follow your wishes. They’re better now.