Is Monogamy Right-Wing Coded Now?

We cannot let The Right claim "Being Normal."

Yesterday, I tweeted something that was unexpectedly controversial: that I’m not voting for Trump.

This really shouldn’t have gotten a reaction at all. I mention being a liberal all the time! But it’s occurred to me that some people clearly thought I was either doing this ironically, or only pretending to be a liberal to avoid getting canceled by the Woke Mob (the Woke Mob doesn’t even like liberals, get with the program. Also, most of them have me blocked!) No, sorry to disappoint, I’m literally just an annoying Democrat.

But given how often I say I’m a liberal, some people still seemed incredulous that I actually meant it. Most of the explanation for why this feels inconsistent is that I “seem” vaguely right wing. What’s right wing about me? Crazy trad stuff like having a husband, having kids, and sometimes wearing dresses.

Look, I’m obviously flattered that some people think of me and they think, “feminine wife and mother,” instead of “most annoying Twitter account ever,” (again, I think those people have me blocked.) But this stuff doesn’t seem right wing to me at all. Granted, I don’t have a lot of close friends, but the real-life friends I do have are liberals, and most of them are married moms. Some work, some are stay at home moms, but none of them are making these choices because of feminism or anti-feminism. My single liberal female friends aren’t out there having orgies or entering into polycules (although it’s not my business if they did.) For the most part, they’re trying to find husbands.

Username censored for privacy, but great tweet

I get it though, I’m being a little dense on purpose. Nobody is out there saying that it’s impossible to be a liberal and be married, or to be a liberal who cares about marriage. I think the extent of my pro-marriage values reads conservative, especially the fact that I generally think young marriage is a good thing (within reason; statistically you’re better off getting married after 25) and the fact that I’m pretty no-nonsense about how normal and healthy it is to want a partner, and to do things to try and attract a partner. Personally, I don’t think that’s political in either direction, but I can see why someone would make that mistake. I have also been open about my marriage being fairly traditional, but that’s not an ideological choice on my part, just what works for us.

Yes, I like sewing and cooking. Yes, I value being a mom. Yes, I’m attracted to a dominant man. Yes, I’m a heckin’ wholesome lib who was ridin’ with Biden and is now cacklin’ it up with Kamala. We exist. (Seriously, I actually think most women in the sewing and knitting communities skew left, if not more leftist than liberal. Many such cases.)

But we’ve reached a point where living a somewhat traditional life (which isn’t even that traditional, I mean, I work and my husband helps out a lot with childcare) just sort of…seems right wing, even if it’s just a personal choice. Why is that?

Most of why this happens, is an online phenomenon which I’m just going to call the Hungry Hungry Hippo phenomenon. The left and the right—or more specifically, the wackiest people on the left and right—eagerly claim things for their “side,” leaving normal people to feel embarrassed when admitting something about themselves that seems totally apolitical. Take, for example, some conservative women I’ve seen who have felt the need to “explain” why they have careers. I’ve seen liberal women who are SAHMs feel the need to do the same thing. And there are weirdos getting worked up over AOC purportedly hiding a pregnancy because being openly pregnant would undermine her party’s stance on abortion. Are you guys hearing yourselves? This is nuts.

No evidence AOC is pregnant, btw.

While the Right is incorrect about “claiming” marriage as their whole thing, the Left is somewhat to blame for having the same knee-jerk reaction, but in a different direction. For example, take the article I wrote about higher standards for most things being responsible for the declining birth rate. Not to sound cocky, but this is obviously true! Between the time it takes to find a spouse who fits our standards, to the amount of money we expect to have to provide a good enough life for our kids, to the amount of attention we expect to spend with kids, people are having fewer kids, sometimes fewer than they’d like to have. This explains why the declining birth rate is happening across many different countries, including countries with robust social safety nets. It’s also just obviously true that people raised more children with far lower standards for all of the aforementioned things in the past.

Now, nowhere in my article did I say we had it right in the 1800s and needed to RETVRN. But when I first wrote this piece, I got a lot of pushback from some on the left for supposedly being against these higher standards. Fair enough, especially if you didn’t read past the paywall, but the more bizarre feedback I got was that it was “fascist” for me to even mention the declining birth rate. Like…it literally is declining, that’s just true. I’m not saying we should necessarily freak out about it, or blame Bill Gates for it, or whatever a fascist loon might do…I’m just saying it’s happening, which isn’t really up for debate.

So of course, if something as apolitical as “admitting people are having fewer children” is controversial, no wonder we’re in this mess. I’ve even had people tell me, “Okay, this thing you’ve said is true, but why even talk about it, because that might make people inadvertently agree with the right.” I’m sorry, but the more we pretend that certain topics are the domain of the right, the more we wind up with batshit beliefs like “being married and having kids is a Republican thing.”