In Defense of "Rude" Questions

The most sensitive people keep taking conversation topics off the table. Soon we'll have nothing left to discuss with strangers.

Photo by Bewakoof.com Official on Unsplash

I came across a screenshot on Twitter this week (where else?) of a woman taking issue with a mom at the park referring to another mom’s baby as having “chubby cheeks.” This may seem innocuous to most—perhaps even complimentary, given that chubby cheeks are a pretty big part of being a cute baby—but this woman had a different take: let’s stop talking about bodies.

Everyone knows that calling an infant chubby is entirely different from telling a ten-year-old girl she’s a hefty porker. Both are entirely different from telling a friend they look like they’ve been working out, which I also think is probably fine. But if you include all of these things under the verboten category of “talking about bodies,” you slowly chip away at the options for conversation topics. It doesn’t sound like a big deal, but the rigid rules about impolite discussions always creep into new topics until there’s nothing left.

Similarly, I remember that during one of my pregnancies, being on mom forums with other pregnant women who decreed that any comment about the size of their belly was inappropriate, even if the comment was, “You have such a cute baby bump,” or “I didn’t realize you were that far along.” It felt like there was a reasonable middle ground of bump comments that was being thrown out with the body-talk bathwater, if you mind the expression. Couldn’t we just do away with the obviously inappropriate or rude comments, but leave the rest? For example, don’t call a pregnant woman “Giganto Mondo-Chungus.” But is it really that big of a deal if someone says you look like you’re carrying a boy from the shape of your belly? Maybe it’s stupid, maybe it’s rooted in old wive’s tales, but how bad is it really?

Some people might say these bans are worth it, because too many people make inappropriate comments, and even well-meaning comments can be hurtful to people with body image issues. But it’s not just bodies. It seems like a lot of well-meaning, curious, friendly questions increasingly fall into banned categories. One minute, it’s chubby cheeks. The next minute, the weather is the only acceptable conversation topic with a stranger. No wonder nobody makes friends with strangers anymore.