This is so good! I think everything you said is spot on, but I'll add one more thing, which is that the anti-wedding mindset is one more way to atomize people and break down natural milestones of any sort. First Communions/Bar Mitzvahs/Quincineras/etc are stupid and high school graduation just had to be canceled for covid and well, college graduation just had to be canceled for encampments and now you can't have a wedding either "because it's just one day what does it matter?" While you're at it, don't get married, period, it's just a piece of paper; also, children are the worst, why bother with them. But don't worry, at the end of your life, you'll be able to choose MAiD! That can be a very special day, indeed.
Thanks for this piece! It's certainly a countercultural take in this day and age. I must admit that I too suffer from the anti-ceremony mind virus (to illustrate, I skipped my college commencement because I didn't see the point). Although, I am Christian, so I do make an exception for weddings. I had a small wedding myself (COVID lol), but I certainly think people should be putting effort into their weddings (as a sign of their commitment to their marriage, not because they think it's more important than their marriage, as people seem to think).
However, I do understand the temptation to have a low-effort wedding, mostly because most people lack the community to pull off a truly traditional big wedding, which involves a lot of family and friends contributing to the affair by volunteering their services and resources rather than the bride and groom paying for overpriced venues, decorations, staffing, etc. I can definitely see why people view the latter as materialistic and self centered, especially when combined with the modern rhetoric of "your wedding is ✨️your day✨️." I just participated in a Senegalese wedding that was executed in a very community-oriented way, and I would say that it's a much different vibe.
This seems to be part of the more general case of people getting really angry when you like things they don't like. I don't like weddings. I felt a bit resentful about getting married for political reasons and did indeed elope (fwiw, there's tons of familial pressure int the other side to have a big wedding where your aunt that you don't particularly like is invited, and it might be partially a reaction to that). I don't particularly like going to other people's weddings unless I like them an awful lot. But I understand people have different aesthetic preferences than me and that's fine! I even still like some of them enough to go to their weddings.
Yes! I always felt like I was walking a tightrope between the two. I am not super into weddings and dresses and all, but I wanted a big, fun dance with pictures of all my friends and family, so I was just constantly pissing everyone off.
For me a dude who doesn’t really get much out of the idea of a big wedding in the abstract, this posts quote “Not to mention, your wedding is the only, or one of the only times, that you will have all your loved ones in one place.” And some recent events; this is a huge point that at least I didn’t really consider and makes the idea of a wedding more desirable.
Yup. We eloped, and then our parents kicked in on the down payment for our first house. It was an easy decision for us, after seeing his sister DEMAND the massive affair, and then his brother's fiancee`doing the same. Both siblings were divorced in 5 and 7 years respectively. Hubs and I are tootling along just fine.
An impressive lack of self-awareness to comment the exact form of performative chill oneupsmanship and shaming people for wanting a wedding that this piece is justly criticizing.
We also did the whole shebang for our wedding, and we loved it. Everyone there either also had a great time or made a very convincing pretense of it. We always thought we'd go the city hall route, but two years of COVID isolation changed our minds about needing some big celebrations in life that bring everyone together.
We had a mid size wedding in a church almost 42 years ago and I will cherish that day forever. It is a BIG deal to promise to stay together in front of everyone you care about. Mark the big transitions! It separates us from the other mammals.
This is so good! I think everything you said is spot on, but I'll add one more thing, which is that the anti-wedding mindset is one more way to atomize people and break down natural milestones of any sort. First Communions/Bar Mitzvahs/Quincineras/etc are stupid and high school graduation just had to be canceled for covid and well, college graduation just had to be canceled for encampments and now you can't have a wedding either "because it's just one day what does it matter?" While you're at it, don't get married, period, it's just a piece of paper; also, children are the worst, why bother with them. But don't worry, at the end of your life, you'll be able to choose MAiD! That can be a very special day, indeed.
Thanks for this piece! It's certainly a countercultural take in this day and age. I must admit that I too suffer from the anti-ceremony mind virus (to illustrate, I skipped my college commencement because I didn't see the point). Although, I am Christian, so I do make an exception for weddings. I had a small wedding myself (COVID lol), but I certainly think people should be putting effort into their weddings (as a sign of their commitment to their marriage, not because they think it's more important than their marriage, as people seem to think).
However, I do understand the temptation to have a low-effort wedding, mostly because most people lack the community to pull off a truly traditional big wedding, which involves a lot of family and friends contributing to the affair by volunteering their services and resources rather than the bride and groom paying for overpriced venues, decorations, staffing, etc. I can definitely see why people view the latter as materialistic and self centered, especially when combined with the modern rhetoric of "your wedding is ✨️your day✨️." I just participated in a Senegalese wedding that was executed in a very community-oriented way, and I would say that it's a much different vibe.
This seems to be part of the more general case of people getting really angry when you like things they don't like. I don't like weddings. I felt a bit resentful about getting married for political reasons and did indeed elope (fwiw, there's tons of familial pressure int the other side to have a big wedding where your aunt that you don't particularly like is invited, and it might be partially a reaction to that). I don't particularly like going to other people's weddings unless I like them an awful lot. But I understand people have different aesthetic preferences than me and that's fine! I even still like some of them enough to go to their weddings.
Yes! I always felt like I was walking a tightrope between the two. I am not super into weddings and dresses and all, but I wanted a big, fun dance with pictures of all my friends and family, so I was just constantly pissing everyone off.
For me a dude who doesn’t really get much out of the idea of a big wedding in the abstract, this posts quote “Not to mention, your wedding is the only, or one of the only times, that you will have all your loved ones in one place.” And some recent events; this is a huge point that at least I didn’t really consider and makes the idea of a wedding more desirable.
Your wedding sounds lovely and you looked like a fairytale princess!
Why thank you! Best day of my life, aside from the births of my children.
Yup. We eloped, and then our parents kicked in on the down payment for our first house. It was an easy decision for us, after seeing his sister DEMAND the massive affair, and then his brother's fiancee`doing the same. Both siblings were divorced in 5 and 7 years respectively. Hubs and I are tootling along just fine.
Did you even read the article you're responding to?
An impressive lack of self-awareness to comment the exact form of performative chill oneupsmanship and shaming people for wanting a wedding that this piece is justly criticizing.
We also did the whole shebang for our wedding, and we loved it. Everyone there either also had a great time or made a very convincing pretense of it. We always thought we'd go the city hall route, but two years of COVID isolation changed our minds about needing some big celebrations in life that bring everyone together.
We had a mid size wedding in a church almost 42 years ago and I will cherish that day forever. It is a BIG deal to promise to stay together in front of everyone you care about. Mark the big transitions! It separates us from the other mammals.