For those seeking a suitably British judgement on one of the wayward sons of our sceptred isle, through the divine right bestowed on me by His Majesty through the gift of a glorious passport in deep Brexit blue, I can indeed confirm that Dan is a complete tosser.
This goes beyond bellend and doth stray into wanker territory. One might even be tempted to go full Australian on him (although I shall withhold the ultimate South African judgement for the time being)…
Very much the latter. I don’t speak Afrikaans myself, but I have been reliably informed that some of my colleagues’ outbursts include calling people a piece of foreskin slavered in d*ckcheese and telling them that their mother is a “two-tw*tted hooker being railed on both ends for pocket money”
I give the hero-husband award to Nick, for drinking mojitos and talking to strangers on your behalf. Did you laugh about it afterward, or get to work on updating your resume together? I hope at least that he appreciated all your hard work on your glutes.
"It wasn’t totally clear what he wanted, but it was clear that he wanted me to simultaneously plan everything and still give him complete creative control."
I've actually encountered this a lot, both personally and professionally. I think the issue is that the person has the idea that if they don't do it themselves then it won't be done properly, but they can't think of actual ideas on their own, which is why you end up playing these "bring me a rock" "your work is great except that everything about it is wrong" "I want you to make it more better different" games.
There's also the fact that putting someone else's name on a job lets you blame that person if it goes wrong, even if you're the one who made all the actual decisions about the job. This, too, is a popular management technique, although I'll give most managers the benefit of the doubt and say they aren't smart enough to be doing it on purpose.
This is really brilliantly plotted and well-written--also hilarious. It's amazing that you publish 5x per week, but these longer-form, more "revised"/tighter chapters are so satisfying and fun to read!
This was the case for me too (at least eventually.) The thing is, I was never HORRIBLE enough to be fired right away. I was like 40th percentile. I always got fired 1-3 years in.
This is fucking insane lmao. I was rivited from the start, this almost makes me miss working at tiny startups because the stories you get from the experience is enough to fuel storytelling for years to come
The fact that Nick is the stalwart at all your parties, office and otherwise, is endearing to me. The plastic leaves from the Party Store are also amusing
I would have killed to score an invite to a Mojito party. In the Detroit corporate world, corporations lay out Little Ceasars or Dominos at office parties, or if they are sophisticated and fancy, they'll spring for take out from the local Mideastern or maybe Indian place. Of course, those are for employees, rarely does a business find the need to lure in customers - which is why the US auto industry is where it is.
One of my friends had a few stories about American branches of Japanese companies whose main product might as well have been employee litigation. This would have been sometime in the 2010s so was likely part of the same wave CHH's former employer was part of. Some truly unhinged stuff, the worst being a grotesque cultural misunderstanding surrounding a party. The details are unsharable as anecdote. CHH's story is most definitely not an isolated incident.
I know he’s not British, but I can deff imagine Lou Diamond Phillips reprising his role from The Chair Company when you make the movie adaption of this story
I gotta be honest: it took me three tries to finish this. Funny but just too painful. We've all probably found ourselves, at some point, handed a task which we're certain is going to go badly, but this... You could have been the premier glad-hander, the most amazing networker, and it still wasn't going to be a success. Enough to drive a person to writing as a career...
I gotta know what Japanese-British Michael Scott is up to these days.
Last I heard, we finally did employee surveys to corporate and he was sent back to Japan
Never to be seen again?
Not England? 😳
HQ was in Japan
For those seeking a suitably British judgement on one of the wayward sons of our sceptred isle, through the divine right bestowed on me by His Majesty through the gift of a glorious passport in deep Brexit blue, I can indeed confirm that Dan is a complete tosser.
A bellend, even
This goes beyond bellend and doth stray into wanker territory. One might even be tempted to go full Australian on him (although I shall withhold the ultimate South African judgement for the time being)…
[opens car window] Bike wanker! [closes car window]
Are you saying that Brits dislike South Africans (if so, why?) or that South Africans (and Australians) have more savage insults?
Very much the latter. I don’t speak Afrikaans myself, but I have been reliably informed that some of my colleagues’ outbursts include calling people a piece of foreskin slavered in d*ckcheese and telling them that their mother is a “two-tw*tted hooker being railed on both ends for pocket money”
I give the hero-husband award to Nick, for drinking mojitos and talking to strangers on your behalf. Did you laugh about it afterward, or get to work on updating your resume together? I hope at least that he appreciated all your hard work on your glutes.
Yes to all of the above 😂
"Look at it this way: it'll make a great story when we tell it to people afterwards at a party..."
"It wasn’t totally clear what he wanted, but it was clear that he wanted me to simultaneously plan everything and still give him complete creative control."
I've actually encountered this a lot, both personally and professionally. I think the issue is that the person has the idea that if they don't do it themselves then it won't be done properly, but they can't think of actual ideas on their own, which is why you end up playing these "bring me a rock" "your work is great except that everything about it is wrong" "I want you to make it more better different" games.
There's also the fact that putting someone else's name on a job lets you blame that person if it goes wrong, even if you're the one who made all the actual decisions about the job. This, too, is a popular management technique, although I'll give most managers the benefit of the doubt and say they aren't smart enough to be doing it on purpose.
This is really brilliantly plotted and well-written--also hilarious. It's amazing that you publish 5x per week, but these longer-form, more "revised"/tighter chapters are so satisfying and fun to read!
Agree, I love these ones!
Same! More, please!
There are more that I haven't published, but a bunch of published ones live here!
https://www.cartoonshateher.com/t/personal-essays-and-true-stories
We need more feminine energy in the workplace (hot girls who tolerate creeps)
Is there an origin story out there about you not knowing how to ride a bike or drive a car?
I'll post it at some point.
This whole story is just ridiculous (not that I doubt its truth). Why did this company even exist? How is Dan in charge of anything in any country?
I'm also bad at jobs, but generally viewed as quite intelligent, and get paid a lot to be bad at jobs. What is this.
This was the case for me too (at least eventually.) The thing is, I was never HORRIBLE enough to be fired right away. I was like 40th percentile. I always got fired 1-3 years in.
Also, I kind of admire something about how when boorish men are like "Whoa, nice ass!"
CHH is like "I know, right?"
This is fucking insane lmao. I was rivited from the start, this almost makes me miss working at tiny startups because the stories you get from the experience is enough to fuel storytelling for years to come
The fact that Nick is the stalwart at all your parties, office and otherwise, is endearing to me. The plastic leaves from the Party Store are also amusing
I would have killed to score an invite to a Mojito party. In the Detroit corporate world, corporations lay out Little Ceasars or Dominos at office parties, or if they are sophisticated and fancy, they'll spring for take out from the local Mideastern or maybe Indian place. Of course, those are for employees, rarely does a business find the need to lure in customers - which is why the US auto industry is where it is.
Alcohol, well we would never.
One of my friends had a few stories about American branches of Japanese companies whose main product might as well have been employee litigation. This would have been sometime in the 2010s so was likely part of the same wave CHH's former employer was part of. Some truly unhinged stuff, the worst being a grotesque cultural misunderstanding surrounding a party. The details are unsharable as anecdote. CHH's story is most definitely not an isolated incident.
I know he’s not British, but I can deff imagine Lou Diamond Phillips reprising his role from The Chair Company when you make the movie adaption of this story
Typical Manchester United supporter
I gotta be honest: it took me three tries to finish this. Funny but just too painful. We've all probably found ourselves, at some point, handed a task which we're certain is going to go badly, but this... You could have been the premier glad-hander, the most amazing networker, and it still wasn't going to be a success. Enough to drive a person to writing as a career...