How to Happymaxx

Easy ways to make your life a little happier, from someone who isn’t naturally happy

Photo credit @cito171 on Twitter (driving old cars makes him happy)

The other day, I published a fairly spicy article about the fact that women are more comfortable being single than men. I wasn’t saying that this was necessarily ideal (most of these women would probably love to have a great long-term partner!) but there’s something to be said for being able to build a full life without a partner, even while you’re still looking for one.

I don’t want to generalize, but women seem a lot better at doing this than men. I don’t think we’re innately superior at making ourselves happy, nor are we happier than men, but most of the narrative around finding small ways to delight in life (whether you are single or partnered) tend to be very feminine, presented to women and by women—running a bubble bath, doing skincare routines, getting a massage or manicure, the list goes on. Of course, men might enjoy many of these activities, but I don’t think a lot of single men see TikToks where a 23-year-old woman talks about buying herself flowers and think, yes, this is for ME.

So I wanted to write a guide for easy ways to happymaxx (yes, I am blue-washing the concept of romanticizing your life.) These ideas are mostly gender neutral, so I still encourage women to read it. It’s also not exclusively for singles. Being in a relationship doesn’t mean you no longer have time alone, or that you are happy all the time and have no other needs for fulfillment.

Why am I the expert in happiness? I’m not, but I think that’s why you should listen to me. Happiness is not my default, even when things are going very well for me. Because of my OCD, I have days that should be full of happiness—hanging out with my family, date night, lazy Saturdays—that are still plagued with very negative emotions, usually the pervasive fear that I, or any number of my loved ones, has a secret fatal disease. Someone who is naturally happy doesn’t need to try that hard to be happy, and thus, aren’t worth listening to. It’s the same reason you should listen to my naturally socially inept ass about social cues. I also asked some real-live men about some things that have improved their own sense of wellbeing and happiness.

Of course, not everything on this list will be possible for everyone, but most of it should be cheap (or free) and doable for most people. I don’t want to hear any “how can I have a nice conversation with a friend when I have no mouth?”

Be Intentionally Lazy