How I Kept a Job For 3 Years Without Working

I was hired into an obviously frivolous role for which I was underqualified. I had to get creative to survive

Photo by Kanashi on Unsplash

At one point in my late twenties, I found myself in an all-too-familiar situation. I had just been fired from my account management job—not for gross misconduct or during layoffs, but for the reason I was used to: I was simply bad at my job.

I looked for another job aggressively in an open coworking space near my husband’s office, often applying to ten or more roles per day. My most demoralizing interview was for a job with the same pay as my previous job, where I was told “just being perfectly honest with you, you’re not going to find a job paying this much without at least five years of management experience,” even though my previous job was not a management role and was not ludicrously highly-paying.

I really wanted to work in management, probably because I had gotten it into my head that becoming a manager meant I would have “made it.” Even my younger brother—six years my junior—was managing someone, meanwhile I couldn’t even get myself a mentee (apparently “being on a performance plan” meant I was ineligible to become a mentor in our mentor program. Lame!)

Then, one day, something weird happened. I got a LinkedIn message from an external recruiter asking me if I would be interested in interviewing for a Director of Product role for an advertising company. I didn’t realize this company, which I thought was an ad agency, had “products” of its own, but the opportunity was enticing. The pay he cited was 60% more than what I was being paid in my previous job, and it was obviously far more senior. I consulted my husband first, since I was fairly confident it was a scam. He told me it didn’t hurt to take the call.

I passed the recruiter screen in a way that felt far too easy. Then, I had an amazing conversation with the hiring manager (the VP of Product, Lars, who would be my boss) who told the recruiter that he knew from that one conversation that he would hire me. Most of our conversation wasn’t even about work—we mostly discussed our spouses and our favorite TV shows. Lars was a dedicated family man who proudly introduced himself by announcing that his favorite part of the day was making breakfast for his kids, and I liked him. I didn’t lie about my experience (although I omitted getting fired—Lars never asked) and Lars assured me that my lack of management experience would be fine because I wasn’t going to manage anyone immediately, but rather acquire direct reports later on in my role. Also, this role was completely new for the company, so we would build it as we went along. It seemed perfect for me.

Within a few weeks I was hired in this new role, which still felt too good to be true. There was only one problem, which to the untrained eye could seem like a blessing: this role did not entail any job responsibilities. I would have to find a way to keep my dream job by either conjuring up work to do, or hiding the fact that I didn’t have any work. I managed to do this for three years—longer than I’d kept any other job.

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