Honest to god truth, just this morning I stood at my vanity and had this thought: "There is an astonishing amount of maintenance required just to not look like a bog witch."
Granted, I am a woman of a certain age, and that adds to the work, but I've never been someone who is head to toe "done". However, I do maintain a routine to look like a relatively pulled-together human, and that takes time and mental energy that many people won't invest. And like CHH, I say godspeed to those folks. I also say, you aren't going to look like a off duty model if you aren't one, just enjoy your own self.
When I was in Paris a few years ago I became obsessed with how your average shlubby Parisian guy vaulted several meters on the style gauge simply by interestingly knotting a scarf around his neck. Then I stepped into the Metro and found a vendor selling three scarves for 6E. It was my fashion moment! I bought masculine patterns in black, blue, and a subtle floral, studied up on ways to knot them, and strode forth with new confidence on the streets of Pah-ree. And with a nice warm neck. I continued to rock the look upon my return to Fort Collins, Colorado, which is not an influencer Mecca. No one has looked askance, but who cares? Le scarf c’est moi! It became mine, practically and aesthetically. And every time people commented—and they did, a lot—I’d tell them the acquisition story. Maybe I’m the northern Colorado influencer of Metro Chic?
Some of the scenarios you mentioned are kind of like if you told me that you don’t wanna enroll for a random class in your community college because you’re worried you might come out of there with a PhD.
Losing weight makes women look more chic! Currently on this journey. As I approach 40 I either have to become way better dressed ($$$) or option 2 lose 20lbs and dress a little better. That’s the facts.
Yes. I wouldn’t be opposed to microdosing them alongside of a good diet and exercise. I not going to be injecting things into my body tho so just gotta go the ol fashioned route.
I know I’m not the intended audience for articles like this one, and I should probably shut up (fat chance!). But this is giving “did I catch you not feeling sufficiently inadequate about your looks? I trust that you will correct this forthwith…yes?”
What I took from this article wasn’t shaming, she’s responding to a very specific part of internet culture. It’s easy to be missing the context if you didn’t happen to see the “how to look like an off duty model” posts that were ultimately fairly futile in their message
(the context I’m seeing is some high-profile Important Fashion People make public appearances with relatively low-key seemingly low-maintenance looks, some people respond playfully, facetiously with “see, that woman from Vogue has the same look as I do”, and CHH reacts to those as if they had said “well I used to make an effort, but now I no longer have to. I will just roll out of bed and go to work in my PJs, and I too will become an internationally famous model!”)
I spend too much time being disappointed with my fellow humans, and the idea that they should look better is SO low on my list. Of all the things we could exhort them to do better…..
Random question: What retinol do you use? I don't think mine does anything. Or maybe the point is that it just keeps the inevitable decaying of my face from accelerating. Aging seems to be a fight not to look better but to stop looking worse.
I use prescription tretinoin! I think it's made my skin a bit smoother, but I can't tell yet if it's done anything for anti-aging, because that's more of a long term thing. I was also using it in my 20s before I got pregnant, so it may have helped, but I have no identical twin to compare myself to!
Dumb question: how does one get a prescription for a cosmetic medicine? Do you need your PCP to tell you at your annual physical, "I'm diagnosing you with haggard face syndrome, so some prescription-strength face medicine should be covered by your insurance."?
Not a dumb question. It can be used as an acne treatment too, but I talked to my dermatologist during my annual skin check and said "what do I do about these wrinkles" and she said "would you like some tretinoin"
It's a bit like when people see really weird abstract art in a gallery that looks like just a bunch of random smears or lines and think "I could have painted that", while your Thomas Kinkade or Bob Ross style paintings which most people know they can't do will never be allowed across the threshold of the gallery.
Most art normies (including me) won't know the difference, but in most cases that painting only made it to the exhibition because the artist has a reputation they've established that gives them some bona fides and everyone in the know knows they could do some nice cute landscape picture if they wanted, they just don't need to prove that anymore.
But that doesn't mean if you're a newbie hobbyist artist that you'll be passing as doing high art by just making zero effort and just throwing some blobs of paint and squiggly lines on a canvas. You're not going to be impressing anyone with that, and would probably benefit a lot by learning the techniques needed to paint some pleasant mediocre painting that most others you show it to will find impressive even if an art critic will have zero interest in it..
Chloe Malle is the daughter of Candice Bergen and Louis Malle and is the nepo-est of nepo babies, which most of us are not. What you point out needs repeating: most of us are not models or daughters of former models. Perfectly carrying off the “I’m soooo casual I wear hardly any makeup and dress way down” requires not only the bone structure, but the immersion in the fashion and entertainment world from teenagerhood or even childhood. As Chloe Malle has. Like long-trained and well-practiced ballet dancers, they make it look effortless, which, like ballet dancing, it most certainly is not.
I looked up Laetitia Casta. She looks great! But she also looks great on much older pics, so… maybe surgical enhancements aren’t the reason that she’s hot?
You know I always find it fascinating that what guys like is so different to what we think they like.
None of the outfits I've bought "for my husband" are received well, to the point that I can't for the life of me figure out what he likes... There seems to be no consistency, no secret code I can unlock...
And don't even bother wearing makeup unless it's for yourself. Guys honestly don't care.
Perhaps you’ve already written on this topic, but I would be interested in reading an exhaustive article on the non-dating benefits people receive from bettering their appearance.
As an average-looking (or worse) guy, I don’t perceive myself in public, don’t notice others perceiving me, and certainly don’t post pictures online with the intent of having people say “Damn, he’s getting after it”. But given this, I also realize I have nothing to lose.
Take retinol and other anti-aging products. Let’s say they do prevent aging and make you look a little less young. Now what?
The Philadelphia Eagles. As a kid on the internet, I wanted EaglesFan which of course was taken. So i looked up synonyms for fan and picked advocate. Used it ever since
The best sport going is college football. You can’t beat the characters, the traditions, the absolute zaniness that occurs on and off the field. It’s a great time. Check out an episode of The Shutdown Podcast as a fun way into the sport and a pretty great online community.
In terms of GLP1s I've heard many anecdotal stories that men and women who have lost say 50lbs suddenly see their careers accelerate. In my world BMI was and is inversely correlated with one's level on the org chart. The rank and file tended to be heavy and the executives are almost exclusively thin and fit.
I see a real difference between being 50 pounds overweight and looking one's age. I think it's hard to be healthy and energetic when you are carrying that much extra weight around (though I've seen some people do it), and I see how it might not inspire folks with confidence. But the non-fitness beauty stuff is of limited utility to many of us.
I was thinking more for a gal, but makeup and cosmetic surgery and hair color in any case. I'm sure there are fields where those will yield benefits, but for many of us they only benefit would be if they made us happier.
I just met with my financial advisor who got on GLP-1’s and has great hair now. Especially in his profession I could see a correlation where people think attractive folks are more trustworthy or something. Maybe if I want to get into management I should too, haha.
My guess is that most of us don't receive any concrete benefits, unless we are in a field where success depends upon looks. Some people just seem to think that being perceived as cool or good-looking and receiving compliments is an end in itself. I can't relate to that.
The word “aspirational” tends to come up a fair bit in the context of things like this. Being aspirational makes people go on Instagram and feel like shit because their own life doesn’t measure up to influencers’ highly curated presentation of *their* lives. It makes young girls look at heavily processed pics on social media and think they have to look that way to be legit - not even to get a boyfriend, or get the career they want, or anything silly and practical like that, but to be *valid*. I don’t understand it. I mean sure, I aspire to have financial security and improved access to poontang… but it has nothing to do with power or status, with being “better than” or “competitive with”. It’s all practical - having money means being able to spend on fun stuff and experiences, being debt-free means peace of mind, sexual opportunities mean somebody wants you and you get to have naked fun times with them. Oh, and I aspire to less frequently violate the “don’t be a dick” rule, but that’s an aspiration that’s less likely to make me a mark for someone trying to get rich by tearing my self esteem to pieces.
Yes, and maintaining a more or less steady weight is practical too. It makes it easier to enjoy life, be able to enjoy food without stressing, be active, hopefully minimize medical appointments or meds, and find clothes that fit. The advantages are completely obvious even if it never results in a promotion or romance.
Oh, of course, there’s tons of legit reasons for having a balanced diet and being physically active. But when anything turns into “I must meet [unrealistic standard XYZ] to be a worthy human being”, then oof…
Yeah, and maybe it’s because I’ve never received the feedback of being good looking or cool, so I’m not holding onto to anything or losing anything.
The career thing is interesting though and something I’ve thought about. Even in the corporate world…would my prospects change if I got lengthening surgery, a hair transplant, and started ozempic? Maybe?
And, is that the most effective use of your time and money in terms of improving your specific prospects? I think it makes more sense to ask, where to I want to be, what do I want to be doing, and what is holding me back? Am I in the wrong company, the wrong part of the country, or doing the wrong job? For most people, their looks are not the primary factor holding them back from living the kind of life they want to.
This one made me laugh, I’m old enough now that I’ve stopped buying the hoodie sweatshirt that looks great on the influencer when I realize on me, I will just look like a mom in a hoodie sweatshirt, lol. I have small children, so my efforts at my appearance have taken a hit, but one of my goals for 2026 is to get dressed every day, and get back to doing a little makeup every day.
Thrilled to get to read the whole thing now! Thank you!
I do very little. Undone nails, uncolored gray hair. Lots of plain black dresses. I wear makeup only if I’m going somewhere because I’m a writer who hangs out at home — I did wear makeup daily when I worked in offices.
I will say this: I always kept all my clothes forever but then in the past year I’ve had to replace almost every single piece of clothing I own — after years of buying almost no new clothes for years at a time and I need to write about that. Yes, GLP-1s strike again.
Starting from scratch has shown me a bit of what my “style” is and it’s different from what I thought. Not sure “style” is the right word for a woman who eschews fashion.
I just bought a sweater dress that is GREEN even though it was also available in black. Not sure that’s ever happened before!
This was refreshing in the most grounding way. The reminder that most people would actually look better with a bit more intention, not less, feels very real, especially in a culture obsessed with effortless chic. Do you think we’ve confused “not trying” with taste for way too long?
CHH makes another article free. I wonder what it is.... "You all look like shit"
Honest to god truth, just this morning I stood at my vanity and had this thought: "There is an astonishing amount of maintenance required just to not look like a bog witch."
Granted, I am a woman of a certain age, and that adds to the work, but I've never been someone who is head to toe "done". However, I do maintain a routine to look like a relatively pulled-together human, and that takes time and mental energy that many people won't invest. And like CHH, I say godspeed to those folks. I also say, you aren't going to look like a off duty model if you aren't one, just enjoy your own self.
I'm constantly disappointed in the morning that my evening routine the night prior has not restored my face to my 20s.
When I was in Paris a few years ago I became obsessed with how your average shlubby Parisian guy vaulted several meters on the style gauge simply by interestingly knotting a scarf around his neck. Then I stepped into the Metro and found a vendor selling three scarves for 6E. It was my fashion moment! I bought masculine patterns in black, blue, and a subtle floral, studied up on ways to knot them, and strode forth with new confidence on the streets of Pah-ree. And with a nice warm neck. I continued to rock the look upon my return to Fort Collins, Colorado, which is not an influencer Mecca. No one has looked askance, but who cares? Le scarf c’est moi! It became mine, practically and aesthetically. And every time people commented—and they did, a lot—I’d tell them the acquisition story. Maybe I’m the northern Colorado influencer of Metro Chic?
This delights me.
Some of the scenarios you mentioned are kind of like if you told me that you don’t wanna enroll for a random class in your community college because you’re worried you might come out of there with a PhD.
Yes lmao
Losing weight makes women look more chic! Currently on this journey. As I approach 40 I either have to become way better dressed ($$$) or option 2 lose 20lbs and dress a little better. That’s the facts.
GLP-1 drugs are really changing things on this front.
Yes. I wouldn’t be opposed to microdosing them alongside of a good diet and exercise. I not going to be injecting things into my body tho so just gotta go the ol fashioned route.
I think the FDA approved a semaglutide pill recently.
Is MST on pause because CHH is off twitter?? If so, congrats to her!
Yes! I still post my articles but honestly I can’t take it anymore
I know I’m not the intended audience for articles like this one, and I should probably shut up (fat chance!). But this is giving “did I catch you not feeling sufficiently inadequate about your looks? I trust that you will correct this forthwith…yes?”
What I took from this article wasn’t shaming, she’s responding to a very specific part of internet culture. It’s easy to be missing the context if you didn’t happen to see the “how to look like an off duty model” posts that were ultimately fairly futile in their message
I wrote this whole ridiculously long thing in response to this, but it’s easier to put it this way:
CHH: “please don’t do this to yourself! I will help you not be an uggo!”
Intended target of message: “wait… I’m an uggo??”
(the context I’m seeing is some high-profile Important Fashion People make public appearances with relatively low-key seemingly low-maintenance looks, some people respond playfully, facetiously with “see, that woman from Vogue has the same look as I do”, and CHH reacts to those as if they had said “well I used to make an effort, but now I no longer have to. I will just roll out of bed and go to work in my PJs, and I too will become an internationally famous model!”)
I spend too much time being disappointed with my fellow humans, and the idea that they should look better is SO low on my list. Of all the things we could exhort them to do better…..
Random question: What retinol do you use? I don't think mine does anything. Or maybe the point is that it just keeps the inevitable decaying of my face from accelerating. Aging seems to be a fight not to look better but to stop looking worse.
I use prescription tretinoin! I think it's made my skin a bit smoother, but I can't tell yet if it's done anything for anti-aging, because that's more of a long term thing. I was also using it in my 20s before I got pregnant, so it may have helped, but I have no identical twin to compare myself to!
My prescription tret is $20/month/ just get that.
Dumb question: how does one get a prescription for a cosmetic medicine? Do you need your PCP to tell you at your annual physical, "I'm diagnosing you with haggard face syndrome, so some prescription-strength face medicine should be covered by your insurance."?
Not a dumb question. It can be used as an acne treatment too, but I talked to my dermatologist during my annual skin check and said "what do I do about these wrinkles" and she said "would you like some tretinoin"
Your PCP can prescribe it. Just tell them that you want to remove acne scars/and or age spots.
It's a bit like when people see really weird abstract art in a gallery that looks like just a bunch of random smears or lines and think "I could have painted that", while your Thomas Kinkade or Bob Ross style paintings which most people know they can't do will never be allowed across the threshold of the gallery.
Most art normies (including me) won't know the difference, but in most cases that painting only made it to the exhibition because the artist has a reputation they've established that gives them some bona fides and everyone in the know knows they could do some nice cute landscape picture if they wanted, they just don't need to prove that anymore.
But that doesn't mean if you're a newbie hobbyist artist that you'll be passing as doing high art by just making zero effort and just throwing some blobs of paint and squiggly lines on a canvas. You're not going to be impressing anyone with that, and would probably benefit a lot by learning the techniques needed to paint some pleasant mediocre painting that most others you show it to will find impressive even if an art critic will have zero interest in it..
Chloe Malle is the daughter of Candice Bergen and Louis Malle and is the nepo-est of nepo babies, which most of us are not. What you point out needs repeating: most of us are not models or daughters of former models. Perfectly carrying off the “I’m soooo casual I wear hardly any makeup and dress way down” requires not only the bone structure, but the immersion in the fashion and entertainment world from teenagerhood or even childhood. As Chloe Malle has. Like long-trained and well-practiced ballet dancers, they make it look effortless, which, like ballet dancing, it most certainly is not.
Also, maybe I'm missing something, but I don't think that picture of her looks very good.
"We don’t like makeup and fake boobs, we want an all-natural girl next door"
As long as it makes you look like Laetitia Casta, how could you go wrong?
I looked up Laetitia Casta. She looks great! But she also looks great on much older pics, so… maybe surgical enhancements aren’t the reason that she’s hot?
“We don’t like makeup and fake boobs, we want an all-natural girl next door!” and then post a literal supermodel wearing natural-looking makeup. “
She’s the picture of what the natural look is supposed to look like beneath this part of the post.
Oh jeez, no. She’s gorgeous, but her girl-next-door appeal is pretty much non-existent.
You know I always find it fascinating that what guys like is so different to what we think they like.
None of the outfits I've bought "for my husband" are received well, to the point that I can't for the life of me figure out what he likes... There seems to be no consistency, no secret code I can unlock...
And don't even bother wearing makeup unless it's for yourself. Guys honestly don't care.
Perhaps you’ve already written on this topic, but I would be interested in reading an exhaustive article on the non-dating benefits people receive from bettering their appearance.
As an average-looking (or worse) guy, I don’t perceive myself in public, don’t notice others perceiving me, and certainly don’t post pictures online with the intent of having people say “Damn, he’s getting after it”. But given this, I also realize I have nothing to lose.
Take retinol and other anti-aging products. Let’s say they do prevent aging and make you look a little less young. Now what?
Eaglesadvocate, I just have to ask... is Don Henley truly in need of an advocate? Or do you advocate for actual birds of prey?
The Philadelphia Eagles. As a kid on the internet, I wanted EaglesFan which of course was taken. So i looked up synonyms for fan and picked advocate. Used it ever since
Oh, I figured it might be some sports thing, but was hoping otherwise 😆
You should check out sports, theyre fun!
I used to pay attention to baseball, until Montreal lost its team 😭
The best sport going is college football. You can’t beat the characters, the traditions, the absolute zaniness that occurs on and off the field. It’s a great time. Check out an episode of The Shutdown Podcast as a fun way into the sport and a pretty great online community.
This is anecdotal, but I’ve found acquaintances and strangers seem more interested in talking to me on days when I use product in my hair.
And then what? They invite you to a party that you want to attend? They offer to babysit? They introduce you to someone you really wanted to meet?
In terms of GLP1s I've heard many anecdotal stories that men and women who have lost say 50lbs suddenly see their careers accelerate. In my world BMI was and is inversely correlated with one's level on the org chart. The rank and file tended to be heavy and the executives are almost exclusively thin and fit.
I see a real difference between being 50 pounds overweight and looking one's age. I think it's hard to be healthy and energetic when you are carrying that much extra weight around (though I've seen some people do it), and I see how it might not inspire folks with confidence. But the non-fitness beauty stuff is of limited utility to many of us.
Non-fitness beauty stuff for a guy? Like a good haircut? What kinds of things are you thinking?
I was thinking more for a gal, but makeup and cosmetic surgery and hair color in any case. I'm sure there are fields where those will yield benefits, but for many of us they only benefit would be if they made us happier.
I just met with my financial advisor who got on GLP-1’s and has great hair now. Especially in his profession I could see a correlation where people think attractive folks are more trustworthy or something. Maybe if I want to get into management I should too, haha.
My guess is that most of us don't receive any concrete benefits, unless we are in a field where success depends upon looks. Some people just seem to think that being perceived as cool or good-looking and receiving compliments is an end in itself. I can't relate to that.
The word “aspirational” tends to come up a fair bit in the context of things like this. Being aspirational makes people go on Instagram and feel like shit because their own life doesn’t measure up to influencers’ highly curated presentation of *their* lives. It makes young girls look at heavily processed pics on social media and think they have to look that way to be legit - not even to get a boyfriend, or get the career they want, or anything silly and practical like that, but to be *valid*. I don’t understand it. I mean sure, I aspire to have financial security and improved access to poontang… but it has nothing to do with power or status, with being “better than” or “competitive with”. It’s all practical - having money means being able to spend on fun stuff and experiences, being debt-free means peace of mind, sexual opportunities mean somebody wants you and you get to have naked fun times with them. Oh, and I aspire to less frequently violate the “don’t be a dick” rule, but that’s an aspiration that’s less likely to make me a mark for someone trying to get rich by tearing my self esteem to pieces.
Yes, and maintaining a more or less steady weight is practical too. It makes it easier to enjoy life, be able to enjoy food without stressing, be active, hopefully minimize medical appointments or meds, and find clothes that fit. The advantages are completely obvious even if it never results in a promotion or romance.
Oh, of course, there’s tons of legit reasons for having a balanced diet and being physically active. But when anything turns into “I must meet [unrealistic standard XYZ] to be a worthy human being”, then oof…
Yeah, and maybe it’s because I’ve never received the feedback of being good looking or cool, so I’m not holding onto to anything or losing anything.
The career thing is interesting though and something I’ve thought about. Even in the corporate world…would my prospects change if I got lengthening surgery, a hair transplant, and started ozempic? Maybe?
And, is that the most effective use of your time and money in terms of improving your specific prospects? I think it makes more sense to ask, where to I want to be, what do I want to be doing, and what is holding me back? Am I in the wrong company, the wrong part of the country, or doing the wrong job? For most people, their looks are not the primary factor holding them back from living the kind of life they want to.
This one made me laugh, I’m old enough now that I’ve stopped buying the hoodie sweatshirt that looks great on the influencer when I realize on me, I will just look like a mom in a hoodie sweatshirt, lol. I have small children, so my efforts at my appearance have taken a hit, but one of my goals for 2026 is to get dressed every day, and get back to doing a little makeup every day.
Thrilled to get to read the whole thing now! Thank you!
I do very little. Undone nails, uncolored gray hair. Lots of plain black dresses. I wear makeup only if I’m going somewhere because I’m a writer who hangs out at home — I did wear makeup daily when I worked in offices.
I will say this: I always kept all my clothes forever but then in the past year I’ve had to replace almost every single piece of clothing I own — after years of buying almost no new clothes for years at a time and I need to write about that. Yes, GLP-1s strike again.
Starting from scratch has shown me a bit of what my “style” is and it’s different from what I thought. Not sure “style” is the right word for a woman who eschews fashion.
I just bought a sweater dress that is GREEN even though it was also available in black. Not sure that’s ever happened before!
This was refreshing in the most grounding way. The reminder that most people would actually look better with a bit more intention, not less, feels very real, especially in a culture obsessed with effortless chic. Do you think we’ve confused “not trying” with taste for way too long?