"Expecting More" Only Works if You Currently Expect Too Little

the Princess Signaling Game and the men who fail to confirm dates by 2 PM

Every now and then, readers reach out to me and ask when I’m planning on covering a particular viral topic. Last week was no exception. Several people in the chat for paid subscribers asked when I would be covering an apparent phenomenon happening among young single women—expecting a man to confirm a date the day of the date, or before a particular time (2 PM was mentioned.) If he doesn’t confirm, she shouldn’t show up.

Source

Keep in mind, this is not the same thing as texting the man to confirm and making sure he responds. They are expecting the man to text, but not reaching out themselves. Then, if he fails this test (of which he was never aware) the date is off. Perhaps rescheduling is on the table, the same way a tech employee can technically get off a PIP, but generally, he’s written off.

Let me get one thing out of the way: I don’t think this is something that all, or even most, single women are doing. But I also don’t think this is anything new, even if the particular form of “invisible test to ward off inadequately worshipful men” is new. This type of thing has been happening for as long as men and women have been dating—even back to my single days—and I call it the Princess Signaling Game. The less you put up with, the higher your value will seem (even if only to yourself and other women.)

It’s worth noting that a lot of the content about confirming dates is presented as a tip to other women, not to men. Men, arguably, would benefit the most from being in on this expectation, given that most of them have no idea it exists. But this content isn’t for them. It’s by women, for women. It signals: some women might put up with losers who don’t confirm the day of the date, but not me. I’m the prize, and I can afford to write people off over small things.

Generally, being discerning about men’s behavior is a good idea. You shouldn’t want to be with a guy who’s abusive or unfaithful, or even waste your time on a guy who doesn’t really like you that much. The “bar is on the floor,” as they say. But some of these tests don’t rule bad men out—they’re arbitrary, not communicated, and used mostly for bolstering a woman’s own view of her own attractiveness and signaling this value to peers—or “expecting more” by attempting to filter for a man who likes you far, far more than you like him (more in a bit on why I don’t think women actually want that.)

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