I googled Funko Pops and was like “oh, those are the big-head things I keep seeing.” Also, if you flip the genders on this discourse, you probably get guys hating on “astrology girls.” Maybe astrology girls and video game guys should get together.
Cooking is universally repeated as an attractive hobby, but it hasn't really helped me. Thinking about it further, I think the point needs to be made on the stage where these hobbies become relevant - cooking will not make you more attractive, but a woman likes it when a man she already finds attractive can cook.
The backlash to video games as a whole has always seemed a bit odd to me, as a *ahem* connoisseur. There is a world of difference between mindlessly playing Call of Duty for hours on end, and engaging with the existential philosophy and puzzle solving of "The Talos Principle". Video games are not a monolith, especially in this day and age. They can be social, they can be intelligent, and they can be a useless waste of your time. Just like TV, or movies, or books. It all depends on the game, and the person(s) playing.
I think there’s also imagining a scenario of spending an afternoon exchanging slurs with 12 year olds that can be included in the vision of a video game hobby. (Or so I infer from bad bf AITA posts)
I think the unattractive part about video games is that we imagine many men come back from work, immediately hop on games and leave all the housework and childcare to us while they slowly get fat and caked in Cheetos. And some men definitely do that. My husband is really involved in family life but enjoys video games with the kids on a lazy Saturday afternoon, or gaming while dancing the baby to sleep in a carrier. He’s also not fat. So that’s… fine? I don’t really care what game he plays as long as he doesn’t become a fat, checked out zombie.
Video games are unattractive because they can suck up a ton of time and turn people into passive zombies.
A passive man who can see you struggling with kids and groceries and continues playing his video game is now sexy, and that's the type of pathology I'd guess people who dislike video games imagine.
For me, “magic tricks” in a vacuum instantly conjures up a visual image of a tryhard adult theater kid in a vest and bow tie accosting me at a party and offering to pull a quarter out of my ear.
That said, I can also think of one magician I’ve met who was charismatic, sexy, and impressively good at what he did. I’ve met several of the first type of magic guy and exactly one of the second type, so If you asked me on twitter what I think of magic guys, the first image comes to mind more readily. I wouldn’t turn down a date with the second guy at all, though. That speaks to CHH’s point about how a real person that we like who happens to have these skills and interests might lead to a very different response from women than a hypothetical person in an online survey question.
Here in Montana, hunting hits pretty differently: do it well, and you've got meat for a year for you and some special people in your life.
I'm the only man in a 4 person office. A few years ago, the receptionist -- hot, rizzful, your age-ish, with a kiddo and a bf -- went to visit her parents for the weekend while her bf and his buddies went on a hunting trip a couple hours further on. Her parents live on the big river, and it was a nice day, so she went out on her mom's kayak. And, just in case, she brought her bow. (It was still bow season, which comes before rifle season.) She's paddling along, and sees a huge bull elk standing on an island in the river. Perfect shot from about 50 yards, drops him right at the water's edge. Dresses the elk, and now she has to figure out how to get 800 pounds on animal across the river. After some thought, she called her brother, who borrowed a boat, and came to pick them up.
The bf and his friends got nothing on their trip.
If this women stretched out her hand and said "come with me" omg who wouldn't go.
Wait, how and why did magic tricks get near the top of the list for unsexy hobbies? It's a skill-based, non-passive hobby that can provide real entertainment to others! As a (married with kids) amateur magician, this was a tough one to hear, and I really don't get it.
I think, again, that if you just imagine a hypothetical magician, he’s probably rizzless. (See the magicians in Arrested Development.) But this hypothetical magician is mostly irrelevant once you meet a real person. Also, I think dad hobbies are an almost unrelated classification to single guy hobbies.
Of course, GOB is both a terrible magician and a complete airhead. Will Arnett is definitely not rizzless, and I expect plenty of women would be happy to let him perform some sleight of hand.
Gob’s friends are much more rizzless, and I don’t really see the relevance of the rizz of the actor as opposed to the character. More or less by definition, successful actors have rizz.
Essentially every character in Arrested Development is rizzless, that’s one of the main sources of humor, so that doesn’t really set the magicians apart. And one of them (Tony Wonder) consistently out-rizzes GOB. The magic isn’t necessarily what makes them rizzless (at least in the show universe).
I guess what I was getting at was if you ask someone unfamiliar with the show to imagine a magician played by Will Arnett, you’re probably imagining someone a lot more rizzed up than GOB.
But upon reflection, the chart is probably fake, for the simple reason that each descending hobby is rated less attractive by precisely five points from the previous one. Real stats don't work like that.
I think the issue is the first image that comes to mind when thinking of an amateur magician is that kid in elementary school who got a magic kit and won't stop dragging you into the tricks or shut up about how it works. People just age up that image and find it unfortunate.
Regarding internet trolling: I’m guessing that when respondents indicated that online trolling was one of the most unattractive hobbies, they were envisioning nefarious trolling rather than benign trolling. They pictured trolls who get random people swatted or spam the N-word in comment sections, not people who submit jokey questions to r/amitheasshole. Malicious trolling genuinely is unattractive to most people, while I think the more light-hearted, funny version might be a turn-on for some people.
My two cents on the least attractive hobbies (to me):
-hunting/taxidermy
-creepy collections, such as mannequins, taxidermy (again), panties, loli art, clowns, upskirt pictures, medical oddities
-crime
-fighting-based sports like MMA, boxing, wrestling (martial arts and self-defense is okay)
Yeah, that was my thought, too! Like, there's a difference between posting goofy-but-harmless creative writing to r/relationships, or are we talking about calling people slurs and doxxing people for being feminists?
However, head injuries are a serious concern in those sports, and I personally would be concerned about the fact that those sports tend to attract aggressive personalities.
Aggressive personalities are exactly the people that most need the discipline of martial arts, and disciplined young men with aggressive personalities are absolutely essential in society. TBI’s are a risk that can be mitigated, but avoiding the risk entirely is an overcorrection
I can respect that, but my point was that they are unattractive hobbies for me personally. I’m drawn towards calm, gentle, quiet people who partake in calm, gentle, quiet hobbies. That’s not to say there’s no value in those sports, just that if someone’s really into them, they’re probably not my type.
The chart is obviously fake but some real psychologists did a survey after it went viral and they found similar things. Being an asshole online was ranked a lot less attractive. Videogames were unattractive but not more so than watching tv as a hobby or smoking weed. https://datepsychology.com/the-most-and-least-attractive-male-hobbies/
So, I read and write fanfiction. Like, a lot of it. That's been my off-and-on primary hobby for a good portion of my adult life.
Back when I dated men, most of them treated it like they would someone who loves reading romances or mystery novels or whatever: they were glad I was enjoying myself, but they disliked when I got too wrapped up in what I was reading and it was taking up all my time/attention, and that's fair.
Most of them didn't want to hear my rants about whatever I was reading (good or bad) and that's also fair.
Some of them were embarrassed about it, if I brought it up in front of other people. But I have no shame about it, so like, suck it up. You're dating a girl who likes to read about fictional characters falling in love and having a lot of sex. And it's a very female hobby! The vast majority of fanfiction authors are women! So there's a bit of sexism, sometimes, to dudes being embarrassed.
But the thing is, re: time, I can only *write* if I'm hyperfocusing. It's a lot of effort. If I get bumped out of hyperfocus it can take a while to get back to it. At some points of writing any story I will struggle to focus on anything else--I might be cooking dinner or at work or whatever, but I'm actually thinking about my story.
The last dude I ever dated found this...a little off-putting. Like I'm physically here, obviously, but I'm mentally somewhere else.
But I don't date men anymore. (lost interest. it happens.)
And I met my partner? Because they liked my fanfiction.
And I know multiple other married/cohabiting lesbian couples that met via fanfiction.
And let me tell you, the best way to get alone time? Is to tell my partner "I'm writing." (I swear I only say this if I'm actually intending to write. But writing is hard.)
ANYWAY MY POINT (I swear I have one) is that the best thing is to just do the things you love and meet your partner/spouse via your hobbies, if you can. But if your hobby is very gendered, it helps if you're attracted to that gender, lol.
(My partner loves video games, and that's fine. The fanfiction I wrote that got us talking...was about characters from a video game. Ironically: I do not generally enjoy or play video games, outside of like, Tetris and Dance Dance Revolution.)
The notion that hunting correlates with violent tendencies is just urban bias. I suspect that the crime rate among avid hunters is normal or even below the norm. Though it is time consuming and results in dirty clothes. Plus one sometimes may bring animal corpses home.
Yeah 99% of hunting is sitting silently and watching trees. It requires a lot of self-control and patience. These generally aren’t qualities found in violent men.
I’m glad my husband hunts because it means a year of incredibly cheap, grass fed meat! But I’m lucky he does it on family land nearby so it doesn’t mean disappearing into the woods for a week at a time.
Wait...my husband is a carpenter by trade who plays music, writes lyrics, deadlifts and cooks like a dream. I've won the lottery. If his hobby was gaming I'd have had second thoughts. Unless it was wargaming and strategy, which is uniformly cool.
Yeah but with video games or D&D (role playing games if we’re being precise) and indeed many other hobbies - they’re very time consuming. That’s the problem.
IMHO, something like hunting that is seasonal (hunting might be geographic area/social group dependent) is less problematic if it’s presented as “oh, well, I’m going AWOL in the woods with some buddies for 4-5 weekends a year”
Video games are such a broad category though that the idea that a they're very time-consuming is a bit weird. WoW Guildmaster? Yes, extremely time-consuming. Occasional buyer of Humble Bundles with games that can be knocked out in a weekend? No more time consuming than what people spend on TV/movies.
That’s fair. My personal poisons are single player RPGs and strategy games. They can devour hours at a time. I try to balance things out, play less games over a given year and that works out for me but I didn’t do any gaming for years on end when my children were younger…
But my point was a bit different - if you take your hobbies seriously, they easily gobble hours a week. How many hours can be spent getting good at piano or dancing? Or rock climbing?
Which still leaves us with a question - if a man was going to have a hobby consuming a full day out of the weekend, what would a woman prefer? A guitar player or a gamer? I think we know the answer…
I'm actually not sure we do! Guitar players have an easy time getting laid but often have a hard time keeping girlfriends because hustling for gigs while keeping a day job often means they don't spend much quality time on the girlfriend. I'd personally like to keep my gamer husband over dating any of my brother's bandmates.
It confuses me to be talking about "attractiveness," as in desiring to have an intimate relationship with someone, as sexy or not. I don't think of being attracted to a woman (in my case) as whether they are "sexy" or not. In fact of the three attributes CHH mentions "hotness" is one that has forever been for me a turn off. Any woman who "looks sexy" or tries to "look sexy" is a genuine turnoff to me, and that was the case even in those high hormonal periods of my life. It may have something to having "come of age," that is being sexually involved with women in the 60's, when "hotness" was most definitely out. I've never ever thought of myself as "sexy," and wouldn't have the slightest idea of what one does to "look sexy." Frankly, it feels, to put a spin on it, "shallow." Perhaps this is why the CHH attribute that makes the most sense to me is rizz. As for social position, in the days before I was married and "dating," we were all essentially unemployed and going nowhere - again, it's the late 60's and early 70's.
Some of this may have to do with knowing my place in the pecking order. I had this disagreement recently with my CHH-age daughter. She argues, as does CHH, that there is this hierarchy of "good looks." And that people gravitate towards their "rightful place." Since, as I said, I never thought of myself as "sexy" or "desirable," I would "naturally" gravitate towards the bottom of the barrel, thus explaining my animosity towards the "hot chicks," and, we ought to be clear, the "hot guys." Instead of using the term "hot," to me it makes more sense to speak of the "popular" people. I abandoned any interest in popularity at a very early age. It didn't suit my mostly interior life. It is from this perspective that it is not difficult to see why I would regard the "popular" people as "shallow," that is, lacking in any depth, lacking an interior, thinking life. Such an attitude never really took hold of me. It requires at least some measure of envy and jealousy, something that I've never been able to muster, perhaps because I'm too interior. Nonetheless, I see such a sense in many of the people that CHH chronicles. It's a kind of Nietzschean "ressentiment," a form of revenge by the impotent and powerless. But if one has given up on power, influence, and importance, that is, accepting being small, this has little force, and this is OK because the interior life is where it's "really at."
It ought to not be surprising, then, that my principal "hobby" is writing, one that doesn't make CHH's list. More importantly, and perhaps most "unsexy," a writer who is largely unpublished, again because it's really about the interior life.
One final comment. I just took CHH's survey on married sex. As it should be plain by now, I'm not the ideal candidate. I've been married "only" 35 years, having married very late. I had no idea what marriage would feel like. Does anyone? Whether it's "sexual attraction" or "merely" just attraction, what I find is that I am attracted to my wife as being the mother of our children, even after all these years. I can't tell you how in awe I am of motherhood. I'll say it: mothers are sexy. There's nothing more "sexy" than a pregnant woman. There's nothing else like it in all the universe.
I googled Funko Pops and was like “oh, those are the big-head things I keep seeing.” Also, if you flip the genders on this discourse, you probably get guys hating on “astrology girls.” Maybe astrology girls and video game guys should get together.
Women into supplements and health fads. Women whose main hobby is directing their guy’s life. Bad hobby.
Female rizz is very underrated
I really hope we get a guide from her on how to have it...I really need one
Cooking is universally repeated as an attractive hobby, but it hasn't really helped me. Thinking about it further, I think the point needs to be made on the stage where these hobbies become relevant - cooking will not make you more attractive, but a woman likes it when a man she already finds attractive can cook.
"cooking will not make you more attractive, but a woman likes it when a man she already finds attractive can cook."
Replace the word cooking with literally anything women say they find attractive, the sentence will remain true.
The backlash to video games as a whole has always seemed a bit odd to me, as a *ahem* connoisseur. There is a world of difference between mindlessly playing Call of Duty for hours on end, and engaging with the existential philosophy and puzzle solving of "The Talos Principle". Video games are not a monolith, especially in this day and age. They can be social, they can be intelligent, and they can be a useless waste of your time. Just like TV, or movies, or books. It all depends on the game, and the person(s) playing.
Yeah, it just gets annoying when people get addicted and don't want to ever go out though.
I think there’s also imagining a scenario of spending an afternoon exchanging slurs with 12 year olds that can be included in the vision of a video game hobby. (Or so I infer from bad bf AITA posts)
I think the unattractive part about video games is that we imagine many men come back from work, immediately hop on games and leave all the housework and childcare to us while they slowly get fat and caked in Cheetos. And some men definitely do that. My husband is really involved in family life but enjoys video games with the kids on a lazy Saturday afternoon, or gaming while dancing the baby to sleep in a carrier. He’s also not fat. So that’s… fine? I don’t really care what game he plays as long as he doesn’t become a fat, checked out zombie.
Video games are unattractive because they can suck up a ton of time and turn people into passive zombies.
A passive man who can see you struggling with kids and groceries and continues playing his video game is now sexy, and that's the type of pathology I'd guess people who dislike video games imagine.
For me, “magic tricks” in a vacuum instantly conjures up a visual image of a tryhard adult theater kid in a vest and bow tie accosting me at a party and offering to pull a quarter out of my ear.
That said, I can also think of one magician I’ve met who was charismatic, sexy, and impressively good at what he did. I’ve met several of the first type of magic guy and exactly one of the second type, so If you asked me on twitter what I think of magic guys, the first image comes to mind more readily. I wouldn’t turn down a date with the second guy at all, though. That speaks to CHH’s point about how a real person that we like who happens to have these skills and interests might lead to a very different response from women than a hypothetical person in an online survey question.
Here in Montana, hunting hits pretty differently: do it well, and you've got meat for a year for you and some special people in your life.
I'm the only man in a 4 person office. A few years ago, the receptionist -- hot, rizzful, your age-ish, with a kiddo and a bf -- went to visit her parents for the weekend while her bf and his buddies went on a hunting trip a couple hours further on. Her parents live on the big river, and it was a nice day, so she went out on her mom's kayak. And, just in case, she brought her bow. (It was still bow season, which comes before rifle season.) She's paddling along, and sees a huge bull elk standing on an island in the river. Perfect shot from about 50 yards, drops him right at the water's edge. Dresses the elk, and now she has to figure out how to get 800 pounds on animal across the river. After some thought, she called her brother, who borrowed a boat, and came to pick them up.
The bf and his friends got nothing on their trip.
If this women stretched out her hand and said "come with me" omg who wouldn't go.
Wait, how and why did magic tricks get near the top of the list for unsexy hobbies? It's a skill-based, non-passive hobby that can provide real entertainment to others! As a (married with kids) amateur magician, this was a tough one to hear, and I really don't get it.
I think, again, that if you just imagine a hypothetical magician, he’s probably rizzless. (See the magicians in Arrested Development.) But this hypothetical magician is mostly irrelevant once you meet a real person. Also, I think dad hobbies are an almost unrelated classification to single guy hobbies.
Of course, GOB is both a terrible magician and a complete airhead. Will Arnett is definitely not rizzless, and I expect plenty of women would be happy to let him perform some sleight of hand.
Gob’s friends are much more rizzless, and I don’t really see the relevance of the rizz of the actor as opposed to the character. More or less by definition, successful actors have rizz.
Essentially every character in Arrested Development is rizzless, that’s one of the main sources of humor, so that doesn’t really set the magicians apart. And one of them (Tony Wonder) consistently out-rizzes GOB. The magic isn’t necessarily what makes them rizzless (at least in the show universe).
I guess what I was getting at was if you ask someone unfamiliar with the show to imagine a magician played by Will Arnett, you’re probably imagining someone a lot more rizzed up than GOB.
But upon reflection, the chart is probably fake, for the simple reason that each descending hobby is rated less attractive by precisely five points from the previous one. Real stats don't work like that.
I think the issue is the first image that comes to mind when thinking of an amateur magician is that kid in elementary school who got a magic kit and won't stop dragging you into the tricks or shut up about how it works. People just age up that image and find it unfortunate.
Regarding internet trolling: I’m guessing that when respondents indicated that online trolling was one of the most unattractive hobbies, they were envisioning nefarious trolling rather than benign trolling. They pictured trolls who get random people swatted or spam the N-word in comment sections, not people who submit jokey questions to r/amitheasshole. Malicious trolling genuinely is unattractive to most people, while I think the more light-hearted, funny version might be a turn-on for some people.
My two cents on the least attractive hobbies (to me):
-hunting/taxidermy
-creepy collections, such as mannequins, taxidermy (again), panties, loli art, clowns, upskirt pictures, medical oddities
-crime
-fighting-based sports like MMA, boxing, wrestling (martial arts and self-defense is okay)
-malicious trolling
Yeah, that was my thought, too! Like, there's a difference between posting goofy-but-harmless creative writing to r/relationships, or are we talking about calling people slurs and doxxing people for being feminists?
MMA, Boxing, and Wrestling are three of the most mentally and physically beneficial things you could have a young man do
However, head injuries are a serious concern in those sports, and I personally would be concerned about the fact that those sports tend to attract aggressive personalities.
Aggressive personalities are exactly the people that most need the discipline of martial arts, and disciplined young men with aggressive personalities are absolutely essential in society. TBI’s are a risk that can be mitigated, but avoiding the risk entirely is an overcorrection
I can respect that, but my point was that they are unattractive hobbies for me personally. I’m drawn towards calm, gentle, quiet people who partake in calm, gentle, quiet hobbies. That’s not to say there’s no value in those sports, just that if someone’s really into them, they’re probably not my type.
The chart is obviously fake but some real psychologists did a survey after it went viral and they found similar things. Being an asshole online was ranked a lot less attractive. Videogames were unattractive but not more so than watching tv as a hobby or smoking weed. https://datepsychology.com/the-most-and-least-attractive-male-hobbies/
So, I read and write fanfiction. Like, a lot of it. That's been my off-and-on primary hobby for a good portion of my adult life.
Back when I dated men, most of them treated it like they would someone who loves reading romances or mystery novels or whatever: they were glad I was enjoying myself, but they disliked when I got too wrapped up in what I was reading and it was taking up all my time/attention, and that's fair.
Most of them didn't want to hear my rants about whatever I was reading (good or bad) and that's also fair.
Some of them were embarrassed about it, if I brought it up in front of other people. But I have no shame about it, so like, suck it up. You're dating a girl who likes to read about fictional characters falling in love and having a lot of sex. And it's a very female hobby! The vast majority of fanfiction authors are women! So there's a bit of sexism, sometimes, to dudes being embarrassed.
But the thing is, re: time, I can only *write* if I'm hyperfocusing. It's a lot of effort. If I get bumped out of hyperfocus it can take a while to get back to it. At some points of writing any story I will struggle to focus on anything else--I might be cooking dinner or at work or whatever, but I'm actually thinking about my story.
The last dude I ever dated found this...a little off-putting. Like I'm physically here, obviously, but I'm mentally somewhere else.
But I don't date men anymore. (lost interest. it happens.)
And I met my partner? Because they liked my fanfiction.
And I know multiple other married/cohabiting lesbian couples that met via fanfiction.
And let me tell you, the best way to get alone time? Is to tell my partner "I'm writing." (I swear I only say this if I'm actually intending to write. But writing is hard.)
ANYWAY MY POINT (I swear I have one) is that the best thing is to just do the things you love and meet your partner/spouse via your hobbies, if you can. But if your hobby is very gendered, it helps if you're attracted to that gender, lol.
(My partner loves video games, and that's fine. The fanfiction I wrote that got us talking...was about characters from a video game. Ironically: I do not generally enjoy or play video games, outside of like, Tetris and Dance Dance Revolution.)
The notion that hunting correlates with violent tendencies is just urban bias. I suspect that the crime rate among avid hunters is normal or even below the norm. Though it is time consuming and results in dirty clothes. Plus one sometimes may bring animal corpses home.
Yeah 99% of hunting is sitting silently and watching trees. It requires a lot of self-control and patience. These generally aren’t qualities found in violent men.
I’m glad my husband hunts because it means a year of incredibly cheap, grass fed meat! But I’m lucky he does it on family land nearby so it doesn’t mean disappearing into the woods for a week at a time.
Wait...my husband is a carpenter by trade who plays music, writes lyrics, deadlifts and cooks like a dream. I've won the lottery. If his hobby was gaming I'd have had second thoughts. Unless it was wargaming and strategy, which is uniformly cool.
Yeah but with video games or D&D (role playing games if we’re being precise) and indeed many other hobbies - they’re very time consuming. That’s the problem.
IMHO, something like hunting that is seasonal (hunting might be geographic area/social group dependent) is less problematic if it’s presented as “oh, well, I’m going AWOL in the woods with some buddies for 4-5 weekends a year”
Video games are such a broad category though that the idea that a they're very time-consuming is a bit weird. WoW Guildmaster? Yes, extremely time-consuming. Occasional buyer of Humble Bundles with games that can be knocked out in a weekend? No more time consuming than what people spend on TV/movies.
That’s fair. My personal poisons are single player RPGs and strategy games. They can devour hours at a time. I try to balance things out, play less games over a given year and that works out for me but I didn’t do any gaming for years on end when my children were younger…
But my point was a bit different - if you take your hobbies seriously, they easily gobble hours a week. How many hours can be spent getting good at piano or dancing? Or rock climbing?
Which still leaves us with a question - if a man was going to have a hobby consuming a full day out of the weekend, what would a woman prefer? A guitar player or a gamer? I think we know the answer…
I'm actually not sure we do! Guitar players have an easy time getting laid but often have a hard time keeping girlfriends because hustling for gigs while keeping a day job often means they don't spend much quality time on the girlfriend. I'd personally like to keep my gamer husband over dating any of my brother's bandmates.
Good points... Maybe I'm not giving women enough credit... ;)
It confuses me to be talking about "attractiveness," as in desiring to have an intimate relationship with someone, as sexy or not. I don't think of being attracted to a woman (in my case) as whether they are "sexy" or not. In fact of the three attributes CHH mentions "hotness" is one that has forever been for me a turn off. Any woman who "looks sexy" or tries to "look sexy" is a genuine turnoff to me, and that was the case even in those high hormonal periods of my life. It may have something to having "come of age," that is being sexually involved with women in the 60's, when "hotness" was most definitely out. I've never ever thought of myself as "sexy," and wouldn't have the slightest idea of what one does to "look sexy." Frankly, it feels, to put a spin on it, "shallow." Perhaps this is why the CHH attribute that makes the most sense to me is rizz. As for social position, in the days before I was married and "dating," we were all essentially unemployed and going nowhere - again, it's the late 60's and early 70's.
Some of this may have to do with knowing my place in the pecking order. I had this disagreement recently with my CHH-age daughter. She argues, as does CHH, that there is this hierarchy of "good looks." And that people gravitate towards their "rightful place." Since, as I said, I never thought of myself as "sexy" or "desirable," I would "naturally" gravitate towards the bottom of the barrel, thus explaining my animosity towards the "hot chicks," and, we ought to be clear, the "hot guys." Instead of using the term "hot," to me it makes more sense to speak of the "popular" people. I abandoned any interest in popularity at a very early age. It didn't suit my mostly interior life. It is from this perspective that it is not difficult to see why I would regard the "popular" people as "shallow," that is, lacking in any depth, lacking an interior, thinking life. Such an attitude never really took hold of me. It requires at least some measure of envy and jealousy, something that I've never been able to muster, perhaps because I'm too interior. Nonetheless, I see such a sense in many of the people that CHH chronicles. It's a kind of Nietzschean "ressentiment," a form of revenge by the impotent and powerless. But if one has given up on power, influence, and importance, that is, accepting being small, this has little force, and this is OK because the interior life is where it's "really at."
It ought to not be surprising, then, that my principal "hobby" is writing, one that doesn't make CHH's list. More importantly, and perhaps most "unsexy," a writer who is largely unpublished, again because it's really about the interior life.
One final comment. I just took CHH's survey on married sex. As it should be plain by now, I'm not the ideal candidate. I've been married "only" 35 years, having married very late. I had no idea what marriage would feel like. Does anyone? Whether it's "sexual attraction" or "merely" just attraction, what I find is that I am attracted to my wife as being the mother of our children, even after all these years. I can't tell you how in awe I am of motherhood. I'll say it: mothers are sexy. There's nothing more "sexy" than a pregnant woman. There's nothing else like it in all the universe.
Every new (ancient, reheated) discourse of women talking about men fills me with gratitude I am bisexual and have a kthxbye option 🙄🏳️🌈