Ask My Husband Anything

I prompted my Twitter followers to ask my husband anything. Here are his answers.

Many of you who follow me on Twitter might be aware of my husband, who I’ve described as a 37-year-old Greek adonis with normie lib rizz and a “pillow addiction.” After releasing my first AMA/mailbag, I thought it would be fun to do one with him, so I asked my Twitter followers to ask him anything. He really loved these questions and had so much fun answering them. Enjoy!

CHH’s Personality

CHH writes about strangers finding her annoying/offputting. How much of that is in her head?

Here’s the thing about 'CHH'—she’s incredibly annoying and off-putting, but at the same time, she’s the most loving, annoying, and off-putting person you’ll ever meet. A lot of it, she causes herself. One story I think about at least weekly is when CHH was complaining to me and her dad about being bullied in middle school. Her dad responded, 'Yes, but you kind of brought it on yourself. I remember a group of girls saying, "Bye, [your real name]," and your response was, "Hey Sarah, I’m actually going by Volcanica now."

Mr CHH, how do you deal with your wife being so Online? Do you find it overwhelming at times? Also, what do you think of the Trump impressions?

I bought a lockbox for our phones with a built-in timer to unlock after a set amount of time as a way to combat being constantly online. However, our son confiscated the lockbox to store his desserts. That said, she’s improved—just last week she only refreshed her Substack 20-30 times an hour to check her paid subscriber count. If I don’t drive double-digit paid subscribers with this AMA, I’m fucked. 

In regards to her Trump impressions, I think there is no female on earth that touches her on these and I LOVED them in 2015 and 2016. I will leave it there. 

From 1-10, how would you rate CHH in the following attributes:

- good mother

10

- self-centered

8.5

- fun

8

- annoying

8

- narcissistic

7

Mr CHH, what is one thing you know she hates/dislikes about herself that you love?

Damn, that’s a good question. I actually repeated it out loud, and CHH responded, 'Good luck with that one. You find more things about me annoying than I do.' I guess that. 

What Very Online thing did she bring you that had you the most bewildered? (Several people asked this)

If she ever starts a sentence with,”Are you familiar with…” I instantly check out now.

Why were you attracted to CHH's strangeness when everyone else throughout her life found it repellant?

She’s very hot. 

But in all seriousness, yes, she’s beautiful, but she’s also incredibly funny and even more caring. She’s a great person, and I’m very lucky to have her. Also, I’m way stranger than she is.

What steps do you take to help with her separation anxiety?

I care deeply about her and my mental health. I’m also in therapy for my OCD, so I’m well aware of all her tricks to get reassurance—a big no-no in DBT/CBT therapy. As funny as she is, she might be even more elite at finagling reassurance. I’m constantly working on separation exposures, like starting by taking my son for a walk around the block without her, then building up to taking him to the park. Next year... I haven’t told her yet, but I’m planning a daddy-son-only trip to Greece.

Fashion

I want to know what’s his favorite item of clothing that you’ve made for him? (A few people asked this in varying ways)

I’m a sucker for two-piece matching sets, and she made me this white and dark green Greek mythology short-and-shirt combo. We constantly get stopped by people complimenting our outfits and asking where they can buy her stuff. When she said a couple of years ago that she wanted to take up sewing, I didn’t expect this level of insanely good quality—or sheer quantity. It’s not that I doubted her talent—she’s the most creative person I know—but she doesn’t always stick with her hobbies or side hustles.

My favorite was when she was 22 and started a Game of Thrones-inspired glitter nail polish line. She bought standard nail polish from Amazon and splurged on glitter from Claire’s to mix in. I think she made two sales, but both were returned because the glitter clumped.

How much do you enjoy the CHH outfits, versus going along to make CHH happy?

That’s such a great question. I really appreciate the effort and think she has a great sense of style, but she dresses herself—which is exactly how it should be.

Do you give any input toward the fashion design experience in your family? If so, what parts do you care about?

Mostly just colors—I’m very honest if I don’t like something. My wife thinks I’m on the spectrum, and she’s probably right.

If you could have CHH make you any outfit, what would it be?

A matching set with linen shorts and a button down shirt where each button is not the diameter of a lemon. 

Would you wear a bow in your outfit if she wanted you to?

No. 

Lore

How’s cousin Yonni doin? Any historical events coincide with your last reunion?

Lol, it’s insane that anyone outside of my family and our town of Mytilene knows Yanni. Yanni is the man. The last time I saw him, we stayed at his house in Greece, where he lives with his mom. We were given his bed, and above it, there’s a 20x30 blown-up photo of him as a nude baby. Yanni is in his late 40s. 

Dolmades or spanikopita?

My family takes both of their family recipes seriously, but I am a dolmades man. 

Where did you meet and did you ever have a distinct feeling that she was right for you or was it all intuitive?

I noticed her a year earlier when she was wearing bright purple pants—that stuck with me. A year later, we officially met at a terrible college party. On our first date, we went out for sushi. As I walked her back to her dorm, she mentioned she was glad to be heading home because she’d really needed to fart for the last hour. That’s when I knew she was the one.

Explain the pillow thing. What was driving the pillow obsession and did you find The One? (Several people asked about the pillows)

Here is the thing that CHH never mentioned: I was working as a contractor for a Wirecutter article testing dozens of pillows. What sane person would buy and return dozens of pillows in search of the perfect pillow? 

In all honesty, my pillow thing is probably the most weird thing about me. I have severe sleep insomnia, and am obsessed with everything sleep related to try and maximize the chance I will get sleep. The pillow I finally found 8 years ago I’ve been riding deep with. I am so paranoid that it is losing effectiveness that I have spent dozens of hours trying to find the same pillow again but it was discontinued. I have gone to crazy lengths to try and find it anyway which has led me to 10 or more pillow returns. The only one I couldn't return, I sold on ebay. And get this? The fucker tried to return it to me, which led to 1 month battle with him and me on ebay. Lets just say I kept the $63 ebay commission. Come at the pillow king, best not miss.

What’s your favorite CHH story about her being fired?

Chapter 2 in her book. 

What’s a recurring argument topic in your marriage?

My stealing her food when she is not looking. Our one year old daughter now does the same thing to my wife. 

Do you regret not getting a prenup?

No, I could flip most of her one-of-a kind clothes in a separation for at least a 100 a pop. 

Other

There is a Presidential Election coming in November. What can you tell us about your political views?

I am not sure what wacky fringe political shit she is being indoctrinated into these days, but I am old school left. I am not online enough to know what new leftist is and am too scared to ask CHH to explain it to me as that opens up the door to, “Are you familiar with..”

What techno artist would you like to recommend to your wife’s communist friends on Twitter?

I don’t often listen to techno music anymore, but this summer I was running a lot to Thank You (not so bad) dimitri vegas & like mike and Tiesto.

What is your least favorite country in the Balkans?

Turkey. 

Do you know what an incel is, and what’s your advice for them?

Yes, rebrand. Lean into the 'not having sex yet' thing, but don’t refer to it as being an incel. Instead, say you’re 'saving it for marriage.' If someone found out they went out with an 'incel,' I fear that would not lead to a second date. But if they went out with someone 'saving it for marriage,' I suspect that would have a higher chance of moving the relationship forward. And here’s the catch—you don’t actually need to wait for marriage if that’s not your or their thing. Rebrand #2: ‘I was waiting for marriage... until I found you’.

What is your primary mode of transportation? Walking, biking, mass transit, or driving? Also, would you describe your political views as centrist, left of center, right of center, or unorthodox?

Left of center. I walk everywhere. I often cross 30,000 steps a day. I’m insane.

Why won’t you let CHH be a stay at home trad mom?

She is a trad mom. She’s been trolling you all for years. You are aware she literally wrote a book called the Troll Handbook, right? That girl hasn’t worked a day in her life. The greatest trick CHH ever pulled was convincing the world she wasn't a real trad mom. 

How much money would CHH have to make from writing for you to become a Stay at home Dad?

Lol. Honestly, 650k. It’s not that we make 650k combined right now, but 100% banking on the girl that brought you Game of Thrones glitter nail polish does give me pause.