Are Women Just Better Looking Than Men?

Bonus question: if you've slept with lots of people, will you find your current partner uglier? I find out, and more!

If you’ve spent any time perusing Gender Wars Twitter, you’ve probably seen these iconic truth nuke charts:

Generally, these charts are used to make the point that women have unrealistic physical standards for men, while men have realistic physical standards for women. This goes against the stereotype that women don’t care much about looks, while men are shallow and delusional about what they can pull.

But another question has come up in response to these charts (and charts like them.) What if both genders are rating each other accurately? What if your average man is just not as attractive as your average woman? I asked my husband if he thought this was true, and he immediately said yes, but I think his identity as a heterosexual man might be influencing his answer.

While the idea that women are just more attractive than men might be maligned as “cope” for oblivious women, it’s actually a bit of a black pill for women. If your average woman is significantly more attractive than your average man, that means that in order to find a mate, your average woman is going to have to settle down with a man she considers unattractive (or at least less attractive than her.) Remember when this photo of comedian Shane Gillis went viral, and people argued over whether this pairing was, in fact, a fair looksmatch, status aside?

So what’s the truth? Is your average woman actually much better looking than your average man? Or is there more to the story? And does self-ratings (or more importantly, the ratings of your partner) depend on how many people you’ve bedded?

While I don’t have the same statistical chops as the people who did all the fun OkCupid surveys in the 2000s, I did survey 1,600 people about their own sexual behavior, preferences, and attractiveness.

Before we get to the good stuff, be aware that I am doing a promotion for this week on annual subscriptions for 40% off, the highest discount I’ve ever done, which will hopefully offset any financial stress related to recent tariffs (okay, maybe it won’t offset all the stress, but certainly any Substack-related stress.) Redeem below!